Coping

Today I think I'm calmer than yesterday. The realization of losing my hair any time is slowly sinking in. I was supposed to go to a yoga class today but I just didn't have the energy to do anything. I guess I'm still depressed from last night. I still can't believe the time has come. My mind's going crazy. Mark's friend said once the initial shock is over, it will be easier for me to accept it. I'm sure that is true, it's just traumatic at this time. My hair is everywhere, the floor, the sink, my pillow, my clothes, it's pathetic!

I decided to get the wig as soon as possible. For me it is like a lifeline, something that I need to get a hold of as soon as possible. I called the wig shop twice today. Initially to make an appointment on Saturday, they're booked so I made one for next Saturday. But I changed my mind not even 30 minutes after I called them. Do I really want to wait that long? I talked to Bles and one of her co-workers suggested that I get it as soon as possible. This lady, who also had breast cancer, said it will only get worse since my next chemo is on Monday. Well that was it, I had to do something. Fortunately there is a spot open tomorrow afternoon at 3:00 p.m. I booked it.

Now the question is - to be or not to be bald, that is. I'm still debating. I'm thinking I'll get the wig first, have it with me, wear it when I need to and defer buzzing my hair until I really have to. I don't know.