I had my regular blood test this morning and the results were great. So it's all systems go for my chemo on Monday, as scheduled.
We met Dr. S for the first time, he's the one on call today and was supposed to be my medical oncologist. At the last minute I got referred to Dr. K. After meeting Dr. S today now I wish he's my oncologist. He's seems very nice and according to Mark looks like Dr. S has a good disposition in life.
Dr. S said the Neulasta injection is helping me a lot which results to lesser infection or fever and great blood test results. Neulasta better be effective because it's friggin' expensive!
Dr. S also recommended that I get a prescription for bone pain (a side effect of Neulasta) and he said I might need it during the second phase of my chemo when bone pain will be worse. Ugh! However Dr. S said the nausea and vomitting will decrease in the second phase. I hope it is but I'm not going to hold my breath on that one.
We thought the second phase of the chemo treatment will be worse than the first one but not the way Dr. S described it to us. So I'm not sure what to expect anymore.
We also asked about genetic testing but Dr. S said it is something we need to discuss with Dr. K. Also, hormonal therapy will start a month after my last chemo and again something that Dr. K will discuss with us when the time comes.
I told Dr. S that I noticed that I experienced pins/needles sensation on my head when I receive the last medication during my chemo. He said it is not the chemo med giving me that side effect but the nausea/vomit meds I'm taking prior to each chemo. He said it is normal. Anyway, it is still a weird feeling on chemo day.
When the nurse took my blood pressure it was higher than usual so she suggested I talk to Dr. C about it. Dr. C asked me to stop taking my hypertension meds early this month. I called Dr. C's assistant and will see her on March 9th. I told Mark my BP is probably higher than usual because I've been stressed out the last couple of days. I have to check my BP everyday now and record it so that Dr. C can determine if I need to go back to my meds or not. Fun. So I need to relax and practice breathing exercises to relieve the stress. Mark also told me he'll take me out tomorrow night to give me a break. Cool!
Two more days before the dreaded chemo. :|
Friday, February 27, 2009
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Wish
Stress at home/illness plus stress over my next chemo equals anxiety!!!
When this is all over I want to reward myself with a trip to a peaceful, calming place. Basking in the sun on a white sandy beach, looking at the calming blue colour of the ocean and watching the sun set with no worries in the world sounds divine. :) That's my nirvana. Oh how I wish I was there right now. Maybe this time next year I will!!!!
When this is all over I want to reward myself with a trip to a peaceful, calming place. Basking in the sun on a white sandy beach, looking at the calming blue colour of the ocean and watching the sun set with no worries in the world sounds divine. :) That's my nirvana. Oh how I wish I was there right now. Maybe this time next year I will!!!!
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Anticipation
My next chemo is on Monday, March 2nd. Five more days before I go out of commission once again - useless, sick and unable to function. On the bright side, it will be my third chemo and we're halfway through the finish line! Yay!
I am thankful that my chemo is once every three weeks. It gives my body and brain a chance to recover in between chemos and also an opportunity to feel almost normal for two weeks.
I have been feeling great the past week or so and have been able to do errands, shop and do household chores with no problems. Then yesterday I felt weak I guess that's my body telling me to slow down and take a break. I slept pretty much the whole afternoon yesterday and still felt awful afterwards. I woke up with a mild headache and felt a bit lousy. Then today I feel great again. So I did a few errands this afternoon in anticipation that I will be sick and useless again next week. While doing my errands I bumped into a couple of ladies I met at the cancer centre separately. One of them I met at the gentle yoga class and the other is one of my peer counsellors. Both of them complimented my new do and they said I look great. It was nice to see them both. What are the odds I'll see the two of them almost at the same time today. My peer counsellor invited me over for coffee tonight at a famous coffee shop. I might pop over. It's been awhile since I saw my peer support group.
Anyway, I'm trying to make the most out of my good days prior to chemo. So tomorrow I'm meeting Beth for the first time. Although we always call each other, I've never met her. We have the same chemo protocal, FEC/T. But my chemo treatments are a week prior to hers so we're almost on the same both and experiencing almost the same side effects of chemo. I'm looking forward to our lunch date and we can compare notes. ;)
I also have an appointment at the cancer centre tomorrow at 4:00 p.m. for an assessment for the cancer exercise program I signed up for. The eight-week program's designed specifically for cancer patients, it will be held twice a week and an hour each session. The best part is - it's free! :) My program starts March 10th.
This Friday, we are going to the hospital for my regular bloodwork and for a doctor's appointment. These two appointments go hand in hand prior to each chemo. A nurse takes blood samples on the first hour to check my blood count level. An hour after, the results are ready and we meet with a medical oncologist on call to determine if I'm fit to proceed with the chemo or not. We met Dr. K for the past two cycles but on Friday we're meeting Dr. S, the second top gun at the hospital. Hopefully I'll get his approval to proceed with the chemo on Monday. As much as I hate the chemo, I don't want to delay it any further.
We'll see how it goes on Saturday and Sunday.
I am thankful that my chemo is once every three weeks. It gives my body and brain a chance to recover in between chemos and also an opportunity to feel almost normal for two weeks.
I have been feeling great the past week or so and have been able to do errands, shop and do household chores with no problems. Then yesterday I felt weak I guess that's my body telling me to slow down and take a break. I slept pretty much the whole afternoon yesterday and still felt awful afterwards. I woke up with a mild headache and felt a bit lousy. Then today I feel great again. So I did a few errands this afternoon in anticipation that I will be sick and useless again next week. While doing my errands I bumped into a couple of ladies I met at the cancer centre separately. One of them I met at the gentle yoga class and the other is one of my peer counsellors. Both of them complimented my new do and they said I look great. It was nice to see them both. What are the odds I'll see the two of them almost at the same time today. My peer counsellor invited me over for coffee tonight at a famous coffee shop. I might pop over. It's been awhile since I saw my peer support group.
Anyway, I'm trying to make the most out of my good days prior to chemo. So tomorrow I'm meeting Beth for the first time. Although we always call each other, I've never met her. We have the same chemo protocal, FEC/T. But my chemo treatments are a week prior to hers so we're almost on the same both and experiencing almost the same side effects of chemo. I'm looking forward to our lunch date and we can compare notes. ;)
I also have an appointment at the cancer centre tomorrow at 4:00 p.m. for an assessment for the cancer exercise program I signed up for. The eight-week program's designed specifically for cancer patients, it will be held twice a week and an hour each session. The best part is - it's free! :) My program starts March 10th.
This Friday, we are going to the hospital for my regular bloodwork and for a doctor's appointment. These two appointments go hand in hand prior to each chemo. A nurse takes blood samples on the first hour to check my blood count level. An hour after, the results are ready and we meet with a medical oncologist on call to determine if I'm fit to proceed with the chemo or not. We met Dr. K for the past two cycles but on Friday we're meeting Dr. S, the second top gun at the hospital. Hopefully I'll get his approval to proceed with the chemo on Monday. As much as I hate the chemo, I don't want to delay it any further.
We'll see how it goes on Saturday and Sunday.
Monday, February 23, 2009
A bald new look ;)
A bald new look. Yup, that is how I look these days, well at least in the comforts of our bedroom. I still cannot go out of our bedroom topless a.k.a. bald. ;) I just can't do it.
It takes awhile to get used to the bald look. It was depressing at first. I mentioned before, the loss of my hair meant the loss of my confidence. A lot of people have been very supportive and giving me comforting words to ease the pain. But it still feels different especially when it happens to you. It felt like a part of me is missing.
But I'm slowly getting used to it. It has its perks though. ;) When I got the wig, I bought a special oil, shampoo and serum for my sensitive head. But I use only a drop each time I use the products. I think these will last me throughout my bald phase. That'll save me some money. Another plus, my head's dry by the time I get out of the shower. hee hee. I put away my hairdryer and flat iron, obviously there is no need for those now. What I do like is that it is so easy - take a shower, dab my naked head, put the wig on (or the bandana) and I'm done! I don't even have to style it. :) A co-worker even said I might keep the wig even after my hair grows back because it is so easy to manage, especially on a bad hair day ;) We'll see.
On the down side, it's still not my real hair. Nothing beats the original one. I get paranoid when people stare at me but everyone said it doesn't look like a wig at all, thanks. I also find my head itchy at times but I found a solution this morning, shave it all off! Now my head feels like a baby's butt, well kind of, but humor me anyway. ;) There's also the fear of it coming off when I least expect it, like when it's gusty and windy outside. The wig specialist assured me that won't happen since my wig fits snugly on my head and it's designed to stick even when it is windy. I'm crossing my fingers!!!
Even though I'm getting used to the bald new look I will never have the courage to go topless in front of anyone other than my husband or my Mom. For me it feels uncomfortable. I feel naked without it. Around the house I wear a bandana or a hat but never topless. The kids are used to it. When I need to let my head breathe or take a break from head covers, I go to our bedroom and always lock the door. It's a relief when I take it off but I find it cold/chilly when I do not have a head cover. I never sleep without a sleep hat because it gets cold at night.
I don't mind wearing the wig. Whenever I wear it, it feels like there's a bit of weight on my head, it feels like you're wearing a hat or a toque. It gets comfortable after awhile that I sometimes forget I'm wearing a wig. A couple of times I had the urge to take it off in restaurants. Since it's still winter it felt like I'm still wearing my toque. Good thing I didn't or it would've been so embarassing (or traumatic) for me. Now I always think twice before doing anything especially if it involves my head. ;) I will probably have a different attitude come summer time when it is hot and humid. I'll let you know.
Man, I still can't believe I'm bald but I am. :| Dr. K told me it will start growing back after my last chemo. I was excited. But I read through blogs and discussion boards that it doesn't grow right away. Like chemo treatments, hair growth is a unique experience. Some women experience hair growth right away, some don't. Depending how my body reacts to the chemo, my hair might grow immediately or it might take a long time. Hopefully the shorter one. ;)
Before chemo, I don't wear much make-up. I only use powder, concealer, mascara and a lipstick most of the time. With the bald new look I started wearing make-up again, the works. I wear make-up even if I'm only doing errands, go to the grocery, go to the bank or basically anywhere I need to go to outside the house. I'm doing this probably to make up for the hair loss. What I learned from the cancer centre is if I look good, I will feel better. And it is doing just that. Since I started chemo I've received compliments from family/friends that I look good. Thanks! :) Without make-up I don't look as good, skin discolouration has started. I look funny without make-up, the dark circles under my eyes are more prominent and right after chemo, I look insanely sick. But thanks to make-up and the techniques I learned from the "Look Good, Feel Better" workshop at the cancer centre I look good. :)
Ah, the bald new look.
It takes awhile to get used to the bald look. It was depressing at first. I mentioned before, the loss of my hair meant the loss of my confidence. A lot of people have been very supportive and giving me comforting words to ease the pain. But it still feels different especially when it happens to you. It felt like a part of me is missing.
But I'm slowly getting used to it. It has its perks though. ;) When I got the wig, I bought a special oil, shampoo and serum for my sensitive head. But I use only a drop each time I use the products. I think these will last me throughout my bald phase. That'll save me some money. Another plus, my head's dry by the time I get out of the shower. hee hee. I put away my hairdryer and flat iron, obviously there is no need for those now. What I do like is that it is so easy - take a shower, dab my naked head, put the wig on (or the bandana) and I'm done! I don't even have to style it. :) A co-worker even said I might keep the wig even after my hair grows back because it is so easy to manage, especially on a bad hair day ;) We'll see.
On the down side, it's still not my real hair. Nothing beats the original one. I get paranoid when people stare at me but everyone said it doesn't look like a wig at all, thanks. I also find my head itchy at times but I found a solution this morning, shave it all off! Now my head feels like a baby's butt, well kind of, but humor me anyway. ;) There's also the fear of it coming off when I least expect it, like when it's gusty and windy outside. The wig specialist assured me that won't happen since my wig fits snugly on my head and it's designed to stick even when it is windy. I'm crossing my fingers!!!
Even though I'm getting used to the bald new look I will never have the courage to go topless in front of anyone other than my husband or my Mom. For me it feels uncomfortable. I feel naked without it. Around the house I wear a bandana or a hat but never topless. The kids are used to it. When I need to let my head breathe or take a break from head covers, I go to our bedroom and always lock the door. It's a relief when I take it off but I find it cold/chilly when I do not have a head cover. I never sleep without a sleep hat because it gets cold at night.
I don't mind wearing the wig. Whenever I wear it, it feels like there's a bit of weight on my head, it feels like you're wearing a hat or a toque. It gets comfortable after awhile that I sometimes forget I'm wearing a wig. A couple of times I had the urge to take it off in restaurants. Since it's still winter it felt like I'm still wearing my toque. Good thing I didn't or it would've been so embarassing (or traumatic) for me. Now I always think twice before doing anything especially if it involves my head. ;) I will probably have a different attitude come summer time when it is hot and humid. I'll let you know.
Man, I still can't believe I'm bald but I am. :| Dr. K told me it will start growing back after my last chemo. I was excited. But I read through blogs and discussion boards that it doesn't grow right away. Like chemo treatments, hair growth is a unique experience. Some women experience hair growth right away, some don't. Depending how my body reacts to the chemo, my hair might grow immediately or it might take a long time. Hopefully the shorter one. ;)
Before chemo, I don't wear much make-up. I only use powder, concealer, mascara and a lipstick most of the time. With the bald new look I started wearing make-up again, the works. I wear make-up even if I'm only doing errands, go to the grocery, go to the bank or basically anywhere I need to go to outside the house. I'm doing this probably to make up for the hair loss. What I learned from the cancer centre is if I look good, I will feel better. And it is doing just that. Since I started chemo I've received compliments from family/friends that I look good. Thanks! :) Without make-up I don't look as good, skin discolouration has started. I look funny without make-up, the dark circles under my eyes are more prominent and right after chemo, I look insanely sick. But thanks to make-up and the techniques I learned from the "Look Good, Feel Better" workshop at the cancer centre I look good. :)
Ah, the bald new look.
Sunday, February 22, 2009
A ho-hum day...
It was just another day for me, nothing special. Josh woke me up and wanted to eat breakfast. So I made their favorite, crepes or what they call "Opa's world best pancakes". Since I I got the recipe from my father-in-law, it has now become a staple breakfast item on weekends. It taste good but it takes forever to make them.
While cooking the crepes, I decided to clean up/reorganize our kitchen. I think we have the tiniest kitchen in the world, seriously. There's not enough cupboard space and finding a place to store our junk is quite a feat. Last week I saw on Oprah that if you have not used anything in your house in a year to throw it/these out. Two and a half hours and two large garbage bags after, I managed to throw out a lot of stuff and found valuable cupboard space. :)
I think I mentioned before that Mark completely buzzed my head last week. Since then my head's been dry and itchy. My head looks like it has a five o'clock shadow when a man doesn't shave his beard. I can also see red spots on my big bald head. I'm not sure if it's rash, blisters or whatever, but I can certainly see them. It doesn't look gross (yet) but it does look kind of weird.
I surfed the net this afternoon looking for ways to relieve the itch and reading breast cancer discussion boards to learn more about hair loss. Didn't find much, most of the suggestions I read was to shave it or use a spray toner. But I did learn that I will lose my eyebrows and eyelashes closer to the end of my chemo. Yikes!!!! That's another depressing day coming. More hair loss. :( Will it be worse than losing my hair? Some women said it was. (gulp!)
Yesterday I decided to buy an electric shaver to get rid of whatever "stubble" I have on my head. Mark's willing and able to do it tonight but I changed my mind, I think I'll do it tomorrow. You see, my hair is still growing but in patches. I did something "weird" today and used a lint remover to remove any hair that came off. A first! Can you imagine? I only use the lint remover for my winter coats and suits! Anyway, I read from a discussion board that this helps. It felt funny but certainly did the trick.
Another first is eating a vegetarian meal. Mark made dinner tonight and I was quite surprised it was vegetarian. No offense meant to all vegetarians but I LOVE my meat (or seafood) and having a meal without any from this food group is not my cup of tea. It is not the same without it. Mark's trying to cut down on his meat intake, it's part of his new healthy living, and trust me it will not be the last time we'll be having a meal like this if Mark cooks dinner.
Anyway, my ho-hum day is about to end. I'm relaxing, writing this entry and watching the Oscars at the same time. I love watching the Oscars and it has become a tradition for me. I must say the Oscar's format this year is a bit different. I'm not sure if I like it but I love seeing all the stars on TV. I'll still watch it to the end. :) Among the films nominated, I've only seen The Curious Case of Benjamin Button because of Brad Pitt ;) Hugh Jackman is hot :) I hope Sean Penn and Meryl Streep wins. We'll see...
Ho-hum....
While cooking the crepes, I decided to clean up/reorganize our kitchen. I think we have the tiniest kitchen in the world, seriously. There's not enough cupboard space and finding a place to store our junk is quite a feat. Last week I saw on Oprah that if you have not used anything in your house in a year to throw it/these out. Two and a half hours and two large garbage bags after, I managed to throw out a lot of stuff and found valuable cupboard space. :)
I think I mentioned before that Mark completely buzzed my head last week. Since then my head's been dry and itchy. My head looks like it has a five o'clock shadow when a man doesn't shave his beard. I can also see red spots on my big bald head. I'm not sure if it's rash, blisters or whatever, but I can certainly see them. It doesn't look gross (yet) but it does look kind of weird.
I surfed the net this afternoon looking for ways to relieve the itch and reading breast cancer discussion boards to learn more about hair loss. Didn't find much, most of the suggestions I read was to shave it or use a spray toner. But I did learn that I will lose my eyebrows and eyelashes closer to the end of my chemo. Yikes!!!! That's another depressing day coming. More hair loss. :( Will it be worse than losing my hair? Some women said it was. (gulp!)
Yesterday I decided to buy an electric shaver to get rid of whatever "stubble" I have on my head. Mark's willing and able to do it tonight but I changed my mind, I think I'll do it tomorrow. You see, my hair is still growing but in patches. I did something "weird" today and used a lint remover to remove any hair that came off. A first! Can you imagine? I only use the lint remover for my winter coats and suits! Anyway, I read from a discussion board that this helps. It felt funny but certainly did the trick.
Another first is eating a vegetarian meal. Mark made dinner tonight and I was quite surprised it was vegetarian. No offense meant to all vegetarians but I LOVE my meat (or seafood) and having a meal without any from this food group is not my cup of tea. It is not the same without it. Mark's trying to cut down on his meat intake, it's part of his new healthy living, and trust me it will not be the last time we'll be having a meal like this if Mark cooks dinner.
Anyway, my ho-hum day is about to end. I'm relaxing, writing this entry and watching the Oscars at the same time. I love watching the Oscars and it has become a tradition for me. I must say the Oscar's format this year is a bit different. I'm not sure if I like it but I love seeing all the stars on TV. I'll still watch it to the end. :) Among the films nominated, I've only seen The Curious Case of Benjamin Button because of Brad Pitt ;) Hugh Jackman is hot :) I hope Sean Penn and Meryl Streep wins. We'll see...
Ho-hum....
Friday, February 20, 2009
What if...
Life is full of uncertainties we don't know what will happen next. Sometimes we also find ourselves asking what if something else happened instead of what did.
Since I've been diagnosed with breast cancer, there are times when I wonder what if I didn't find the tumor in my breast. Will I be able to appreciate life the way I do right now? Will I notice how our kids grew taller by an inch or two, their laughter and how they enjoy the simplest things in life? Will I value my marriage as much as I do now? Will I have a stronger faith in God like I do now? Probably not. We live in such a fast-paced world that we tend to take some things for granted, the people in our lives, the world we live in and our faith in God.
Staying positive. Everyone is telling me to stay or think positive. More often than not, I have been. But would I feel the same if my prognosis was different?
Will I be as positive as I am now? Will I have hope? I would probably won't. Since we found out that the cancer did not spread and the three lymph nodes removed from the surgery were all tested negative for cancer, I have been very thankful that my prayers were heard. I still pray every chance I get because I am not out of the woods yet. I'm still receiving treatment.
I am blessed with a great family and excellent friends who loves and support me. What if I'm single and have no one to turn to? I'd probably go crazy.
Fortunately the what ifs I mentioned today are merely my thoughts. Reality is I have breast cancer, trying to stay positive as much as I can and I value life now more than ever.
Everything happens for a reason and I believe that God had His reasons why He gave me this challenge. I can think of a number of reasons why: to make me closer to God; to have a different perspective in life; to make me realize what I've been missing in life and to make me feel how lucky I am to have a loving husband, two beautiful kids and supportive family/friends, to name a few. Thank God for that.
For sure I will have many more what ifs in my lifetime because nobody knows what lies ahead. But for now I will take it one step at a time and not worry about the future.
Since I've been diagnosed with breast cancer, there are times when I wonder what if I didn't find the tumor in my breast. Will I be able to appreciate life the way I do right now? Will I notice how our kids grew taller by an inch or two, their laughter and how they enjoy the simplest things in life? Will I value my marriage as much as I do now? Will I have a stronger faith in God like I do now? Probably not. We live in such a fast-paced world that we tend to take some things for granted, the people in our lives, the world we live in and our faith in God.
Staying positive. Everyone is telling me to stay or think positive. More often than not, I have been. But would I feel the same if my prognosis was different?
Will I be as positive as I am now? Will I have hope? I would probably won't. Since we found out that the cancer did not spread and the three lymph nodes removed from the surgery were all tested negative for cancer, I have been very thankful that my prayers were heard. I still pray every chance I get because I am not out of the woods yet. I'm still receiving treatment.
I am blessed with a great family and excellent friends who loves and support me. What if I'm single and have no one to turn to? I'd probably go crazy.
Fortunately the what ifs I mentioned today are merely my thoughts. Reality is I have breast cancer, trying to stay positive as much as I can and I value life now more than ever.
Everything happens for a reason and I believe that God had His reasons why He gave me this challenge. I can think of a number of reasons why: to make me closer to God; to have a different perspective in life; to make me realize what I've been missing in life and to make me feel how lucky I am to have a loving husband, two beautiful kids and supportive family/friends, to name a few. Thank God for that.
For sure I will have many more what ifs in my lifetime because nobody knows what lies ahead. But for now I will take it one step at a time and not worry about the future.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Me and my blog
I started this blog mainly to write my thoughts, fears, angst and how I'm dealing with my fight against breast cancer. It was mainly for me. It is my therapy. Then it became a way of keeping all our family and friends updated about my health and how I'm doing especially during my treatments. So far I received positive feedback from everyone about my blog. :) Some said it is an eye opener or made them look at life with a different perspective. I'm glad you like it :) Thanks!
You'll also know when I'm having good and bad days. There are days when my mind is running wild with ideas what to write and sometimes it doesn't. Someone said no pressure in writing an entry and do it only when I feel like it. :) But I'll try my best to keep it updated.
Since I haven't had an entry since Valentine's Day I thought I'd let you know what's been happening since then.
Mark accidentally cut his middle and index fingers on his left hand on Sunday while cutting some pineapples for the smoothie he made. It was a bloody scene. Ugh! I dropped him off at the hospital's ER. I couldn't go with him because the ER is the worst place for me to contract a virus or illness. Anyway he was at the hospital for 7 hours and received a few stitches on each finger. They look gross!
It was a holiday here on Monday, Family Day, and a beautiful day as well. We spent the afternoon in Toronto. It was fun, a change in scenery. Jason and Joshua saw a streetcar, something that we don't have in our town. They were thrilled to see one. Mark also bought them Pokemon books. That was the highlight of their day. ;)
Tuesday I went to work to drop off my disability forms. It was nice to see my co-workers again, I miss them a lot. While at the office I found out the pilot project we launched last year was nominated for an internal award. Cool! I'm part of the project team. Neat. :)
I wanted to stay longer at work but a nurse came over our house to assess how I'm doing since my chemo started. That was a fruitful meeting because Nurse M told me that a nurse will be on call to help me if I need any help especially after chemo when my health is not at its best. She also told me that a nurse will come to our house until the end of my chemo. That was good news because we were told a homecare nurse will only help me until the end of March to inject the very expensive Neulasta. Nurse M assured me that will not happen and she'll make sure I'm looked after until my last chemo cycle. :)
Wednesday was different, I woke up with a migraine and had chills the whole morning. I felt weak and not myself the whole day. The migraine plus the fact that my head these days is so tender and itchy drove me crazy. My mood swings unbearable. This proves that I might feel great today but not tomorrow. It's a fact I've learned to accept since my chemo started.
Today, I feel great. Go figure. So I took advantage of my good day and did some errands. I also decided to shave my head this morning once and for all. The itchiness was driving me up the wall. Not only that bald patches on my head is becoming the norm. My hair is coming off like crazy. So today was the day to bid adieu to my hair for now.
Mark was the "executioner" ;) He's working from home and did it when he took a break. No tears this time! :D I wanted it off so bad I couldn't wait. He did a decent job of shaving it because our clipper's not very sharp he couldn't shave everything. I felt relieved when it was all done. The itchiness disappeared instantly. I should've done this a while back. ;)
And now my head feels lighter. Taking a shower is a breeze! I stared at the mirror for quite sometime and surprisingly I'm not upset. What's weird is that my scalp is lighter than my skin tone. It looks like I have a two-toned skin and an egg-head ;) hee, hee.
I also noticed that the colour of my nails is starting to change. The top of my thumbs and index fingers are turning dark like they're bruised. It's one of the many side effects of chemo. I gotta start painting my nails. The metal taste in my mouth is more prominent and it has a tendency to make me nauseous. Gargling with salt and warm water or drinking water with lemon or lime helps remove the weird taste.
I know I've said it before but I can't wait until this is all over. It is not fun at all. I have one more week before the third chemo. I might as well enjoy it while it last. One positive note is that after my third chemo, I'm halfway through, closer to the finish line. :)
Ta-ta for now!
You'll also know when I'm having good and bad days. There are days when my mind is running wild with ideas what to write and sometimes it doesn't. Someone said no pressure in writing an entry and do it only when I feel like it. :) But I'll try my best to keep it updated.
Since I haven't had an entry since Valentine's Day I thought I'd let you know what's been happening since then.
Mark accidentally cut his middle and index fingers on his left hand on Sunday while cutting some pineapples for the smoothie he made. It was a bloody scene. Ugh! I dropped him off at the hospital's ER. I couldn't go with him because the ER is the worst place for me to contract a virus or illness. Anyway he was at the hospital for 7 hours and received a few stitches on each finger. They look gross!
It was a holiday here on Monday, Family Day, and a beautiful day as well. We spent the afternoon in Toronto. It was fun, a change in scenery. Jason and Joshua saw a streetcar, something that we don't have in our town. They were thrilled to see one. Mark also bought them Pokemon books. That was the highlight of their day. ;)
Tuesday I went to work to drop off my disability forms. It was nice to see my co-workers again, I miss them a lot. While at the office I found out the pilot project we launched last year was nominated for an internal award. Cool! I'm part of the project team. Neat. :)
I wanted to stay longer at work but a nurse came over our house to assess how I'm doing since my chemo started. That was a fruitful meeting because Nurse M told me that a nurse will be on call to help me if I need any help especially after chemo when my health is not at its best. She also told me that a nurse will come to our house until the end of my chemo. That was good news because we were told a homecare nurse will only help me until the end of March to inject the very expensive Neulasta. Nurse M assured me that will not happen and she'll make sure I'm looked after until my last chemo cycle. :)
Wednesday was different, I woke up with a migraine and had chills the whole morning. I felt weak and not myself the whole day. The migraine plus the fact that my head these days is so tender and itchy drove me crazy. My mood swings unbearable. This proves that I might feel great today but not tomorrow. It's a fact I've learned to accept since my chemo started.
Today, I feel great. Go figure. So I took advantage of my good day and did some errands. I also decided to shave my head this morning once and for all. The itchiness was driving me up the wall. Not only that bald patches on my head is becoming the norm. My hair is coming off like crazy. So today was the day to bid adieu to my hair for now.
Mark was the "executioner" ;) He's working from home and did it when he took a break. No tears this time! :D I wanted it off so bad I couldn't wait. He did a decent job of shaving it because our clipper's not very sharp he couldn't shave everything. I felt relieved when it was all done. The itchiness disappeared instantly. I should've done this a while back. ;)
And now my head feels lighter. Taking a shower is a breeze! I stared at the mirror for quite sometime and surprisingly I'm not upset. What's weird is that my scalp is lighter than my skin tone. It looks like I have a two-toned skin and an egg-head ;) hee, hee.
I also noticed that the colour of my nails is starting to change. The top of my thumbs and index fingers are turning dark like they're bruised. It's one of the many side effects of chemo. I gotta start painting my nails. The metal taste in my mouth is more prominent and it has a tendency to make me nauseous. Gargling with salt and warm water or drinking water with lemon or lime helps remove the weird taste.
I know I've said it before but I can't wait until this is all over. It is not fun at all. I have one more week before the third chemo. I might as well enjoy it while it last. One positive note is that after my third chemo, I'm halfway through, closer to the finish line. :)
Ta-ta for now!
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Valentine's Day :)
I woke up with a headache and was unsure what lies ahead for me. But it is the day of hearts. :) Valentine's Day! What can go wrong?
I did my usual morning routine and when Mark woke up he gave me a kiss and wished me Happy Valentine's Day. I felt bad because I didn't have time to buy him a gift or a card due to chemo. He was fine with it and said he'll take a rain check. ;)
I was in the middle of trying to come up with a good word for Scrabble, a game I play with Mark on Facebook. And alas, he surprised me with Valentine cards from him and the kids and a beautiful bouquet of a dozen long-stemmed yellow roses! Like most women, it certainly made my day! :) Nice flowers eh?
Receiving yellow roses today was, I think, refreshing instead of the usual red ones. I don't know why but somehow for me yellow symbolized a new start and hope especially during this difficult time. A light at the end of the tunnel. :)
I searched the internet what yellow roses mean. The one I found said: "The yellow rose within marriage implies sweet domesticity and familiar love...contentment, everlasting joy and a sense of snugness... A love that has matured with age and no longer seeks to achieve impossible heights, a relationship secure in the knowledge of its strengths - the yellow rose stands for steadfast affection." So true :)
The day went on as usual. Bles dropped by to give me some comfort food, pancit palabok (vermicelli noodles cooked Filipino style) and a couple more Filipino dishes. I've been craving for the noodles since I recovered from my chemo. That was my motivation ;) hee, hee...
In the afternoon I couldn't figure out what was wrong with me. I was a bit down. Mark said I need to get out of the house. Mark tried to make reservations for just the two of us. On Valentine's Day and a Saturday at that, the earliest we could get was at 9:00 p.m. for dinner! Jeez! We did go out but with the whole family. We were lucky to wait for only 15-20 minutes to get a table at a local chicken rotisserie joint. But holy cow it took forever to get our order. How bad was it? Well Joshua fell asleep waiting for his cheese pizza and Jason kept saying he was starving! Yeah, that bad. The waitress gave us a discount and also offered free desserts to cover the bad service. Good thing I liked their Greek salad ;)
Anyway, the day of hearts is about to end. I had a great day with those who are dear and near to my heart. But before I end this post, I would like to share something that our son Joshua did today. Josh has been super sweet, hugging and kissing me non-stop today and in between those cuddly moments he told me "Mommy, I will love you forever". And I told him the same thing. But then he said "Mommy, I will love you forever even when you're sick." So innocent, so pure, so touching! :) On a day like this, what more can I ask for?
Happy Valentine's Day! I wish you had a good one just like I did. :)
I did my usual morning routine and when Mark woke up he gave me a kiss and wished me Happy Valentine's Day. I felt bad because I didn't have time to buy him a gift or a card due to chemo. He was fine with it and said he'll take a rain check. ;)
I was in the middle of trying to come up with a good word for Scrabble, a game I play with Mark on Facebook. And alas, he surprised me with Valentine cards from him and the kids and a beautiful bouquet of a dozen long-stemmed yellow roses! Like most women, it certainly made my day! :) Nice flowers eh?
Receiving yellow roses today was, I think, refreshing instead of the usual red ones. I don't know why but somehow for me yellow symbolized a new start and hope especially during this difficult time. A light at the end of the tunnel. :)
I searched the internet what yellow roses mean. The one I found said: "The yellow rose within marriage implies sweet domesticity and familiar love...contentment, everlasting joy and a sense of snugness... A love that has matured with age and no longer seeks to achieve impossible heights, a relationship secure in the knowledge of its strengths - the yellow rose stands for steadfast affection." So true :)
The day went on as usual. Bles dropped by to give me some comfort food, pancit palabok (vermicelli noodles cooked Filipino style) and a couple more Filipino dishes. I've been craving for the noodles since I recovered from my chemo. That was my motivation ;) hee, hee...
In the afternoon I couldn't figure out what was wrong with me. I was a bit down. Mark said I need to get out of the house. Mark tried to make reservations for just the two of us. On Valentine's Day and a Saturday at that, the earliest we could get was at 9:00 p.m. for dinner! Jeez! We did go out but with the whole family. We were lucky to wait for only 15-20 minutes to get a table at a local chicken rotisserie joint. But holy cow it took forever to get our order. How bad was it? Well Joshua fell asleep waiting for his cheese pizza and Jason kept saying he was starving! Yeah, that bad. The waitress gave us a discount and also offered free desserts to cover the bad service. Good thing I liked their Greek salad ;)
Anyway, the day of hearts is about to end. I had a great day with those who are dear and near to my heart. But before I end this post, I would like to share something that our son Joshua did today. Josh has been super sweet, hugging and kissing me non-stop today and in between those cuddly moments he told me "Mommy, I will love you forever". And I told him the same thing. But then he said "Mommy, I will love you forever even when you're sick." So innocent, so pure, so touching! :) On a day like this, what more can I ask for?
Happy Valentine's Day! I wish you had a good one just like I did. :)
Friday, February 13, 2009
When the Going Gets Tough...
It is Day 5 since my second chemo. Oh boy that was a tough one. My body is a lot weaker than the first round of chemo. Aside from the usual nausea, vomitting, fatigue, loss of appetite, I also experienced sensitivity to scent, drinking tap water was not appealing plus headache and chest pains. I'm wondering, how I will survive the next four cycles of chemo? Wish me luck.
My sentivity to smell was so bad I had to ask Mark to stop wearing perfume (which I normally love). I found the smell/taste of cooked, fried, sauteed food disgusting. My diet the first three days consisted of bananas, crackers and smoothies. Drinking plain water was nauseating and have been drinking Gatorade which tasted better than water. Mark made salad this week with green and regular onions and I could not stand it. It was not fun at all. I spent most of the first four days sleeping and getting the much needed rest.
Sleeping is another problem. I felt chest pains and headaches when I slept the last couple of days, side effects of the medicine Neulasta that helped increase my white blood cells. My head/scalp is more sensitive than before. I wear the hats to ease the pain but sometimes I have to take it off because it feels uncomfortable or I'm hot. Like before I also sweat a lot at night, another side effect. :( Last night it felt like I slept well but I woke up in the middle of the night and my head hurt. It didn't feel like a regular headache but it felt more like my head was so sensitive and tender. It was not fun.
More hair's coming off my head. I'm starting to see bald patches on the side :( It's a fact that I've learned to accept since Friday last week. I'm even thinking of asking Mark to shave it all off once and for all, but my head is so tender.
Mark told the kids about my hair and the six cycles of chemo I'm having. The chemo meds results to hair loss. Mark told them I'll be sick, requested that they give me the space I need and to be kind to me as well.
The kids were surprised it wasn't my real hair. Josh took it in stride and acts as if nothing happened. Jason's a bit different. He couldn't look at me straight in the eye the first couple of days. And when he saw me for the first time wearing a head cover, all he asked was why I'm wearing it. I explained to him my head hurt and I need something to ease the pain. I'm happy to say Jason's now comfortable with my new "look". The kids have been giving me non-stop hugs and kisses plus the "I love yous" that I desperately need these days.
Everyone in our household has been giving me the space and rest I need. The kids know not to bug me when I'm sleeping, my mother's been a big help around the house (taking care of the kids, cooking, laundry, etc), and Mark's been very supportive as usual.
Those four days were long and hard. I tried to look at it one day or one step at a time. I'd be happy if one hour passed and I didn't throw up or feel nauseous. But today is Day 5 and I look forward to a nausea-free or to a better day. I'm trying to eat more because I need all the nutrients that I can get. I feel stronger than the past few days, it looks promising. :)
As the saying goes, when the going gets tough, the tough gets going... and with four more chemos to go I just have to try harder.
My sentivity to smell was so bad I had to ask Mark to stop wearing perfume (which I normally love). I found the smell/taste of cooked, fried, sauteed food disgusting. My diet the first three days consisted of bananas, crackers and smoothies. Drinking plain water was nauseating and have been drinking Gatorade which tasted better than water. Mark made salad this week with green and regular onions and I could not stand it. It was not fun at all. I spent most of the first four days sleeping and getting the much needed rest.
Sleeping is another problem. I felt chest pains and headaches when I slept the last couple of days, side effects of the medicine Neulasta that helped increase my white blood cells. My head/scalp is more sensitive than before. I wear the hats to ease the pain but sometimes I have to take it off because it feels uncomfortable or I'm hot. Like before I also sweat a lot at night, another side effect. :( Last night it felt like I slept well but I woke up in the middle of the night and my head hurt. It didn't feel like a regular headache but it felt more like my head was so sensitive and tender. It was not fun.
More hair's coming off my head. I'm starting to see bald patches on the side :( It's a fact that I've learned to accept since Friday last week. I'm even thinking of asking Mark to shave it all off once and for all, but my head is so tender.
Mark told the kids about my hair and the six cycles of chemo I'm having. The chemo meds results to hair loss. Mark told them I'll be sick, requested that they give me the space I need and to be kind to me as well.
The kids were surprised it wasn't my real hair. Josh took it in stride and acts as if nothing happened. Jason's a bit different. He couldn't look at me straight in the eye the first couple of days. And when he saw me for the first time wearing a head cover, all he asked was why I'm wearing it. I explained to him my head hurt and I need something to ease the pain. I'm happy to say Jason's now comfortable with my new "look". The kids have been giving me non-stop hugs and kisses plus the "I love yous" that I desperately need these days.
Everyone in our household has been giving me the space and rest I need. The kids know not to bug me when I'm sleeping, my mother's been a big help around the house (taking care of the kids, cooking, laundry, etc), and Mark's been very supportive as usual.
Those four days were long and hard. I tried to look at it one day or one step at a time. I'd be happy if one hour passed and I didn't throw up or feel nauseous. But today is Day 5 and I look forward to a nausea-free or to a better day. I'm trying to eat more because I need all the nutrients that I can get. I feel stronger than the past few days, it looks promising. :)
As the saying goes, when the going gets tough, the tough gets going... and with four more chemos to go I just have to try harder.
Monday, February 9, 2009
Two Down, Four to Go
We're back from the hospital. I'm waiting for my body to get weak, get nauseous. It'll come in full force in the next hour or two.
Like I said earlier, the oncology clinic at the hospital is a depressing place. And it's true, as soon as I entered the clinic, there were a lot of patients, more than the last time we were there. The first thing I saw were three patients receiving chemo. They all look so sick and weak. I told Mark right away that when we get to my "spot" I want the curtains closed. I cannot bear to see other patients.
Everytime we go to the clinic, a nurse tells us what chemo unit or area we need to go to. I was told to go to number #26. That spot was taken by another patient. I was told to use #25 instead. I sat down. As soon as I did I was sitting right in front of another patient, an older man, who looked like he was gasping for air. It was such a sad sight. I asked Mark again to close the curtain. Then I felt claustrophobic because I sat so close to the next patient in such a small area. I was uncomfortable. Fortunately the male nurse told me if I want to move to a private room. We did before he changed his mind ;) That was much better. At least I do not have to see other older patients who are so weak and seeing them only makes me sad.
The chemo didn't go on schedule. I think it was around 11:30 before the guy nurse put the IV in. It hurt this time and Mark forgot to hold my hand. It was alright, he made up for it afterwards. :)
I don't know why it hurt this time. The nurse thought the saline was going too fast so he lessened the amount going through the IV. A warm blanket was also placed over the IV and that helped a wee bit. Then came the red stuff (5-Fu), it was cold but painless. The last medicine (clear one) had the same effect on me the last time I had it, pins and needles on my head and a mild headache. It really hurt, I shed some tears and they gave me Tylenol. I told the nurse that I experienced the same (headache) during my first chemo. The nurse told me they'll try to inject it slower next time.
I feel tired and getting sleepy. I will have to take the nausea pills soon. Drink lots of fluids to flush the chemo meds off my system. Take lots of rests and sleep. :)
And that's two chemo treatments down and four more to go. Before we know it will all be over. :) My next chemo is Monday, March 2nd.
Like I said earlier, the oncology clinic at the hospital is a depressing place. And it's true, as soon as I entered the clinic, there were a lot of patients, more than the last time we were there. The first thing I saw were three patients receiving chemo. They all look so sick and weak. I told Mark right away that when we get to my "spot" I want the curtains closed. I cannot bear to see other patients.
Everytime we go to the clinic, a nurse tells us what chemo unit or area we need to go to. I was told to go to number #26. That spot was taken by another patient. I was told to use #25 instead. I sat down. As soon as I did I was sitting right in front of another patient, an older man, who looked like he was gasping for air. It was such a sad sight. I asked Mark again to close the curtain. Then I felt claustrophobic because I sat so close to the next patient in such a small area. I was uncomfortable. Fortunately the male nurse told me if I want to move to a private room. We did before he changed his mind ;) That was much better. At least I do not have to see other older patients who are so weak and seeing them only makes me sad.
The chemo didn't go on schedule. I think it was around 11:30 before the guy nurse put the IV in. It hurt this time and Mark forgot to hold my hand. It was alright, he made up for it afterwards. :)
I don't know why it hurt this time. The nurse thought the saline was going too fast so he lessened the amount going through the IV. A warm blanket was also placed over the IV and that helped a wee bit. Then came the red stuff (5-Fu), it was cold but painless. The last medicine (clear one) had the same effect on me the last time I had it, pins and needles on my head and a mild headache. It really hurt, I shed some tears and they gave me Tylenol. I told the nurse that I experienced the same (headache) during my first chemo. The nurse told me they'll try to inject it slower next time.
I feel tired and getting sleepy. I will have to take the nausea pills soon. Drink lots of fluids to flush the chemo meds off my system. Take lots of rests and sleep. :)
And that's two chemo treatments down and four more to go. Before we know it will all be over. :) My next chemo is Monday, March 2nd.
The morning of...
It looks like a promising day. The sun is out, the weather's nice. I did my usual morning routine. Then Joshua was crying because his legs hurt and he's got a slight fever. Jason was preparing to go to school. Suddenly he came running down the stairs and told me my door was open. I said I must have left our bedroom door open and asked him to close it. He said no, my car door was open. I panicked! I ran outside and indeed my car door was open. My heart was racing, did I lose anything? All my stuff are still in the car, the radio's still there and the car was running. How did that happen? What a way to start my day! Who needs coffee after that incident. ;) I hope that's not a sign that things will not go smoothly today.
It's another big day for me, I'm having my second chemo this morning at 11:00. I'm a bit nervous, I'm a bit anxious. I'm trying to relax and writing this entry for my blog. It helps me get rid of the stress.
I dread each time when I have to go to the oncology clinic. It is such a depressing place. Last Friday when we went there for my bloodwork and check-up, someone was so sick they had to call the nurse for help. I saw the patient's daughter crying. I felt her pain and was in tears myself. And I have to go there again today for my chemo. It sucks but I have to do it. On a positive note at least it's getting rid of the bad cancer cells.
Dr. K told me it will be the same as the first one. But who knows how my body will react to the second chemo. I survived the first one with a few pains/aches here and there. I think I was alright. I hope the second one will be about the same.
It's another big day for me, I'm having my second chemo this morning at 11:00. I'm a bit nervous, I'm a bit anxious. I'm trying to relax and writing this entry for my blog. It helps me get rid of the stress.
I dread each time when I have to go to the oncology clinic. It is such a depressing place. Last Friday when we went there for my bloodwork and check-up, someone was so sick they had to call the nurse for help. I saw the patient's daughter crying. I felt her pain and was in tears myself. And I have to go there again today for my chemo. It sucks but I have to do it. On a positive note at least it's getting rid of the bad cancer cells.
Dr. K told me it will be the same as the first one. But who knows how my body will react to the second chemo. I survived the first one with a few pains/aches here and there. I think I was alright. I hope the second one will be about the same.
Sunday, February 8, 2009
The "new" do
It is Day 3 since my hair went on the chopping block. My head's been sensitive and tender these past few days that it makes me uncomfortable. I'm not sure if it was headache or the tenderness that's been bugging me. The headache usually happens late afternoon or early evening. I don't know what's wrong but something's cooking inside my head.
Whatever's left of my hair are now coming off like crazy. But the sight of the smaller size hair doesn't scare me. It was acceptable. It feels so different, so weird and so depressing. I told family and some friends that when I lost my hair, it felt like I lost my confidence. Strange as it may sound, that's how I feel. It doesn't feel like the old me.
The hair loss from Friday plus my second chemo tomorrow equals anxiety. It's hard. Personally I think the hair loss is worse than the chemo. My friend Lin told me how vain I am when it comes to my hair. She knows me well. ;) I know, I know my hair will grow back and it is temporary, but I'm sure you'll feel the same way when you're in my shoes.
Mark's been trying to cheer me up but I can't even force myself to smile. My mom's been telling me the wig looks so real I shouldn't worry about it.
Yes, it looks so real and a lot like my hair before I lost it. My kids have no clue. When I "debuted" the "new" do to Mark's family tonight they didn't even notice until I told them. ;) With that kind of reaction I felt better. :) The best reaction was my father-in-law's he almost fell off his chair, well kind of, he could not believe it. He even asked me to take it off. Uh, no way Jose. I told him I wouldn't take it off even if he begged on his knees. I just couldn't.
Anyway, my family and friends said it looks great. Maybe it isn't so bad. Maybe the new do will bring a new me :)
Whatever's left of my hair are now coming off like crazy. But the sight of the smaller size hair doesn't scare me. It was acceptable. It feels so different, so weird and so depressing. I told family and some friends that when I lost my hair, it felt like I lost my confidence. Strange as it may sound, that's how I feel. It doesn't feel like the old me.
The hair loss from Friday plus my second chemo tomorrow equals anxiety. It's hard. Personally I think the hair loss is worse than the chemo. My friend Lin told me how vain I am when it comes to my hair. She knows me well. ;) I know, I know my hair will grow back and it is temporary, but I'm sure you'll feel the same way when you're in my shoes.
Mark's been trying to cheer me up but I can't even force myself to smile. My mom's been telling me the wig looks so real I shouldn't worry about it.
Yes, it looks so real and a lot like my hair before I lost it. My kids have no clue. When I "debuted" the "new" do to Mark's family tonight they didn't even notice until I told them. ;) With that kind of reaction I felt better. :) The best reaction was my father-in-law's he almost fell off his chair, well kind of, he could not believe it. He even asked me to take it off. Uh, no way Jose. I told him I wouldn't take it off even if he begged on his knees. I just couldn't.
Anyway, my family and friends said it looks great. Maybe it isn't so bad. Maybe the new do will bring a new me :)
Friday, February 6, 2009
OMG, All Hair Broke Loose!!!!
What a day it has been!
Who knew a simple task of taking a shower in the morning would be so daunting. Since Wednesday I developed a fear of taking a shower because of the hair loss. Every time I did, more hair came off. This morning my heart was pounding, I was so afraid that I will lose all of it. I didn't, but my hair's a lot thinner in only two days! After the shower I blow dried my hair. Holy cow, I lost a whole lot more. So this morning I was more or less convinced I'll get it over and done with and have it shaved. I was undecided, confused and scared.
Mark and I went to the hospital this morning, had my blood tested and saw Dr. K. The blood results were normal. Dr. K said something like "Well that means we have to proceed with the chemo as scheduled, are you ok with that?" I think I told him that's great and I'm glad everything's on track. I did not want to delay it any further. Dr. K gave me a clean bill of health and we're all set for Monday.
Dr. K also asked how I've been since my first chemo and I told him all the side effects I felt. He said the side effects were expected and the headache I've had was a sign I'm going to lose my hair soon. I told him my hair started to fall Wednesday night and I'm quite upset. His advice was to shave it all off because the hair loss will only get worse especially the second chemo will be on Monday. Dr. K said it will be less traumatic for me. Hmm... Mark and I left the hospital, came home and I was undecided. My head told me to do it but a small part of me doesn't.
My appointment at Truly You was at 3:00 p.m. We arrived early at 2:30 p.m. Way too early. I went with my mom and Bles. While waiting for my appointment, a lady came out bald with the GI Jane cut. This lady is pretty to begin with and has a nice size head. Being bald fits her, she looked like Sinead O'Connor, bald and pretty. I thought, oh gosh I don't want mine to be THAT short.
Then it was my turn, my heart started pounding and my mind confused. Up to the very last minute I was still undecided. Amelia called me and asked "so is it that time already?" All I could do was nod my head. We went to a private room, thank goodness!!! I sat on the "hot seat" and I was still unsure what to do. Then I saw Amelia holding the clipper! Omigod, this is it.
Before she could do anything, I stopped her and asked, "Are you going to buzz my hair as short as that lady's who just left?" Amelia said yes. Crap! She then turned the chair away from the mirror and turned on the clipper. Then I broke down balling my eyes out. It was too much for me to handle. I couldn't stop crying. Amelia was trying to comfort me, she said I'm beautiful and it will all be ok. Then she asked me if I will feel better if she won't cut it as short as the lady's. I said sure, with my eyes shut.
Then it happened, as soon as the clipper touched my head, I cried uncontrollably. Omigosh, you know the saying "all hell broke loose", mine was "all hair broke loose". It was overwhelming, traumatic and a moment I will never forget in my life. Bles cried and my mom tried to hold back her tears. She knew that if I saw her crying, I'd cry even more. That was true. They tried to comfort me but it was tough.
Before I knew it, it was done and my own hair scattered all over the floor. It was hard to accept. I looked at myself on the mirror, first thing I said was I look like my brothers. (gulp!) I also thought it felt good because my head felt lighter. The cut was good. Amelia massaged my head and washed it. She also gave me a few tips how to take care of my head/scalp. Amelia then put the wig on my head. After a few adjustments, wow, it looked like my own hair. Bles and my mom said it looks so much like me. Amelia said the wig fit me well and it fits snugly on my head.
It took awhile to get used to the wig. Then the tears stopped and I felt better. :) I left the wig shop feeling good. I was quite comfortable with the wig that I made plans to go out for dinner. :) Good sign right?
The true test will be with our kids, will they notice it or not. I came home Mark said he can't tell the difference. Neat! Joshua didn't notice it. Alright! Finally with Jason who is usually very observant. No reaction. Cool! [Maybe because he was too preoccupied playing his DS game. ;) ] Anyway he went to bed, no comment. :D
I'm glad I did it (buzz cut). The hair loss won't be as traumatic anymore. I'm relieved this is over and done with. It's close to midnight and I'm still wearing the wig. I'm starting to like it, well worth the price I paid for it.
What do you think?
Who knew a simple task of taking a shower in the morning would be so daunting. Since Wednesday I developed a fear of taking a shower because of the hair loss. Every time I did, more hair came off. This morning my heart was pounding, I was so afraid that I will lose all of it. I didn't, but my hair's a lot thinner in only two days! After the shower I blow dried my hair. Holy cow, I lost a whole lot more. So this morning I was more or less convinced I'll get it over and done with and have it shaved. I was undecided, confused and scared.
Mark and I went to the hospital this morning, had my blood tested and saw Dr. K. The blood results were normal. Dr. K said something like "Well that means we have to proceed with the chemo as scheduled, are you ok with that?" I think I told him that's great and I'm glad everything's on track. I did not want to delay it any further. Dr. K gave me a clean bill of health and we're all set for Monday.
Dr. K also asked how I've been since my first chemo and I told him all the side effects I felt. He said the side effects were expected and the headache I've had was a sign I'm going to lose my hair soon. I told him my hair started to fall Wednesday night and I'm quite upset. His advice was to shave it all off because the hair loss will only get worse especially the second chemo will be on Monday. Dr. K said it will be less traumatic for me. Hmm... Mark and I left the hospital, came home and I was undecided. My head told me to do it but a small part of me doesn't.
My appointment at Truly You was at 3:00 p.m. We arrived early at 2:30 p.m. Way too early. I went with my mom and Bles. While waiting for my appointment, a lady came out bald with the GI Jane cut. This lady is pretty to begin with and has a nice size head. Being bald fits her, she looked like Sinead O'Connor, bald and pretty. I thought, oh gosh I don't want mine to be THAT short.
Then it was my turn, my heart started pounding and my mind confused. Up to the very last minute I was still undecided. Amelia called me and asked "so is it that time already?" All I could do was nod my head. We went to a private room, thank goodness!!! I sat on the "hot seat" and I was still unsure what to do. Then I saw Amelia holding the clipper! Omigod, this is it.
Before she could do anything, I stopped her and asked, "Are you going to buzz my hair as short as that lady's who just left?" Amelia said yes. Crap! She then turned the chair away from the mirror and turned on the clipper. Then I broke down balling my eyes out. It was too much for me to handle. I couldn't stop crying. Amelia was trying to comfort me, she said I'm beautiful and it will all be ok. Then she asked me if I will feel better if she won't cut it as short as the lady's. I said sure, with my eyes shut.
Then it happened, as soon as the clipper touched my head, I cried uncontrollably. Omigosh, you know the saying "all hell broke loose", mine was "all hair broke loose". It was overwhelming, traumatic and a moment I will never forget in my life. Bles cried and my mom tried to hold back her tears. She knew that if I saw her crying, I'd cry even more. That was true. They tried to comfort me but it was tough.
Before I knew it, it was done and my own hair scattered all over the floor. It was hard to accept. I looked at myself on the mirror, first thing I said was I look like my brothers. (gulp!) I also thought it felt good because my head felt lighter. The cut was good. Amelia massaged my head and washed it. She also gave me a few tips how to take care of my head/scalp. Amelia then put the wig on my head. After a few adjustments, wow, it looked like my own hair. Bles and my mom said it looks so much like me. Amelia said the wig fit me well and it fits snugly on my head.
It took awhile to get used to the wig. Then the tears stopped and I felt better. :) I left the wig shop feeling good. I was quite comfortable with the wig that I made plans to go out for dinner. :) Good sign right?
The true test will be with our kids, will they notice it or not. I came home Mark said he can't tell the difference. Neat! Joshua didn't notice it. Alright! Finally with Jason who is usually very observant. No reaction. Cool! [Maybe because he was too preoccupied playing his DS game. ;) ] Anyway he went to bed, no comment. :D
I'm glad I did it (buzz cut). The hair loss won't be as traumatic anymore. I'm relieved this is over and done with. It's close to midnight and I'm still wearing the wig. I'm starting to like it, well worth the price I paid for it.
What do you think?
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Risks
First Jason, now it's Joshua who's sick. I think it's the flu. No ear aches or sore throat, only body ache and high fever. Like what Mark said, our house has been sick free since I was diagnosed. But now our kids got sick two in a row. Hopefully I will not get it. It is bad timing because my chemo is on Monday. If I do get it, my chemo treatment will be postponed. I do not want that to happen.
To be on the safe side, I'm taking extra precautions, washing my hands like a maniac and asking everyone in our household to do the same. I had a flu shot prior to my surgery. My doctors recommended it because my immune system now is very low. I'm glad I did. I'm just hoping it works because I heard the virus this year is nastier than before.
So aside from the stress of losing my hair, there's the additional stress of the risk of getting sick and the second round of treatment. Tomorrow I'm having some bloodwork. We will also see Dr. K for follow-up check-up, I think he'll also review if I'm responding well (or not) to the treatment. I hope he'll give me his thumbs up to proceed with the second round of chemo. Keep your fingers crossed.
To be on the safe side, I'm taking extra precautions, washing my hands like a maniac and asking everyone in our household to do the same. I had a flu shot prior to my surgery. My doctors recommended it because my immune system now is very low. I'm glad I did. I'm just hoping it works because I heard the virus this year is nastier than before.
So aside from the stress of losing my hair, there's the additional stress of the risk of getting sick and the second round of treatment. Tomorrow I'm having some bloodwork. We will also see Dr. K for follow-up check-up, I think he'll also review if I'm responding well (or not) to the treatment. I hope he'll give me his thumbs up to proceed with the second round of chemo. Keep your fingers crossed.
Coping
Today I think I'm calmer than yesterday. The realization of losing my hair any time is slowly sinking in. I was supposed to go to a yoga class today but I just didn't have the energy to do anything. I guess I'm still depressed from last night. I still can't believe the time has come. My mind's going crazy. Mark's friend said once the initial shock is over, it will be easier for me to accept it. I'm sure that is true, it's just traumatic at this time. My hair is everywhere, the floor, the sink, my pillow, my clothes, it's pathetic!
I decided to get the wig as soon as possible. For me it is like a lifeline, something that I need to get a hold of as soon as possible. I called the wig shop twice today. Initially to make an appointment on Saturday, they're booked so I made one for next Saturday. But I changed my mind not even 30 minutes after I called them. Do I really want to wait that long? I talked to Bles and one of her co-workers suggested that I get it as soon as possible. This lady, who also had breast cancer, said it will only get worse since my next chemo is on Monday. Well that was it, I had to do something. Fortunately there is a spot open tomorrow afternoon at 3:00 p.m. I booked it.
Now the question is - to be or not to be bald, that is. I'm still debating. I'm thinking I'll get the wig first, have it with me, wear it when I need to and defer buzzing my hair until I really have to. I don't know.
I decided to get the wig as soon as possible. For me it is like a lifeline, something that I need to get a hold of as soon as possible. I called the wig shop twice today. Initially to make an appointment on Saturday, they're booked so I made one for next Saturday. But I changed my mind not even 30 minutes after I called them. Do I really want to wait that long? I talked to Bles and one of her co-workers suggested that I get it as soon as possible. This lady, who also had breast cancer, said it will only get worse since my next chemo is on Monday. Well that was it, I had to do something. Fortunately there is a spot open tomorrow afternoon at 3:00 p.m. I booked it.
Now the question is - to be or not to be bald, that is. I'm still debating. I'm thinking I'll get the wig first, have it with me, wear it when I need to and defer buzzing my hair until I really have to. I don't know.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
It's time to say goodbye....
I woke up feeling well today. I prepared the kids' breakfast, Josh's snack for school, had my coffee, checked my emails, Facebook and even did a blog entry this morning. Jason had a slight fever so he didn't go to school. I finished reading a book, did a few puzzles. I felt good until I took a shower late this afternoon. The time I dread most happened this afternoon, I'm starting to lose my hair. :(
I didn't notice it at first but the longer I washed my hair, the more came off. It was depressing, my body felt numbed. I said omigod repeatedly. I could not believe it was happening. I knew the day would come but it is a different feeling when it actually happens. I was a bit shocked, I shouldn't but I was. I came out of the shower, brushed my hair and I saw more came off. I sat on our bed with a blank stare. Joshua asked why I'm sitting doing nothing. I said I'm just thinking, I didn't have the heart to tell him I'm in shock.
I called Mark right away, he was on his way home and I told him what happened. I started crying. I lied down and cried until he arrived. I cried even more. As usual he tried to calm my fears and I found comfort in his arms. I told him it was devastating. I have not lost everything but my hair is thinner. No bald patches yet but it will happen soon.
Mark and my mother asked if I will get my hair buzzed. I don't know if I want to right away. I want to hold on to my hair as much as I can. I will have it buzzed when I can't handle it any more. My wig is ready for pick-up any time I want to. The wig place also offers free buzz cut whenever I'm ready.
My mother, who is always strong, positive and realistic, told me we know it was going to happen one day. But I told her it was just hard to accept and shocking to see my hair actually fall out more than a dozen at a time whenever I ran my fingers through it. She told me to be strong. She even suggested not to wash my hair so I will not be traumatized again. I don't know about that. I go crazy if I don't.
I read that some women find losing their hair worse than losing their breasts to cancer. I guess I feel that way. I don't care if I lose my breasts if it will make me live longer. The breasts and the scars I have from surgery are hidden under layers of clothing. I don't see it all the time. But what I read was true losing my hair will be totally different. Our hair is out there in the open. I see it all the time, not just me but everyone. I love my hair and it makes me feel good. Losing my hair is proof that I am having chemo, that I have cancer. Losing my hair means losing my confidence.
When the initial shock wears off, I hope I will feel better. Acceptance will be hard but as the saying goes, time heals all wounds, in this case, hair loss. I know I will because I got a great wig. :)
But I guess the time has come for me to brace myself, bid goodbye to my hair for now and say I'll see you later. :)
I didn't notice it at first but the longer I washed my hair, the more came off. It was depressing, my body felt numbed. I said omigod repeatedly. I could not believe it was happening. I knew the day would come but it is a different feeling when it actually happens. I was a bit shocked, I shouldn't but I was. I came out of the shower, brushed my hair and I saw more came off. I sat on our bed with a blank stare. Joshua asked why I'm sitting doing nothing. I said I'm just thinking, I didn't have the heart to tell him I'm in shock.
I called Mark right away, he was on his way home and I told him what happened. I started crying. I lied down and cried until he arrived. I cried even more. As usual he tried to calm my fears and I found comfort in his arms. I told him it was devastating. I have not lost everything but my hair is thinner. No bald patches yet but it will happen soon.
Mark and my mother asked if I will get my hair buzzed. I don't know if I want to right away. I want to hold on to my hair as much as I can. I will have it buzzed when I can't handle it any more. My wig is ready for pick-up any time I want to. The wig place also offers free buzz cut whenever I'm ready.
My mother, who is always strong, positive and realistic, told me we know it was going to happen one day. But I told her it was just hard to accept and shocking to see my hair actually fall out more than a dozen at a time whenever I ran my fingers through it. She told me to be strong. She even suggested not to wash my hair so I will not be traumatized again. I don't know about that. I go crazy if I don't.
I read that some women find losing their hair worse than losing their breasts to cancer. I guess I feel that way. I don't care if I lose my breasts if it will make me live longer. The breasts and the scars I have from surgery are hidden under layers of clothing. I don't see it all the time. But what I read was true losing my hair will be totally different. Our hair is out there in the open. I see it all the time, not just me but everyone. I love my hair and it makes me feel good. Losing my hair is proof that I am having chemo, that I have cancer. Losing my hair means losing my confidence.
When the initial shock wears off, I hope I will feel better. Acceptance will be hard but as the saying goes, time heals all wounds, in this case, hair loss. I know I will because I got a great wig. :)
But I guess the time has come for me to brace myself, bid goodbye to my hair for now and say I'll see you later. :)
My better half
I just finished reading a book which Sarah lent me. Libby Znaimer wrote this book titled "In Cancer Land". It's Libby Znaimer's no holds barred story how she dealt with breast cancer. I felt the pain she went through because I'm going through the same ordeal she had. I also found more possible side effects, more than what I wanted to know. It is an informative book but I have mixed feelings about it, more good than bad.
One chapter in the book is called "Cancer and the Spouse". This section explained how her husband dealt with her illness. She also interviewed other men whose wives had or have breast cancer. After reading that section, it occured to me that I never asked how Mark is coping with my illness. So I did. Mark said he finds it really hard but he's been very strong and taking everything one day at a time. Wow. I should've asked him a long time ago.
I know for a fact that after I was diagnosed with breast cancer he said that cancer picked the wrong family. He's not going to let cancer ruin our life without a fight. When he said that I knew he will be my rock and will always be there for me through this ordeal. So in his own little way, Mark did everything to find out about my illness. Searched the internet to no end. Mark is now like a walking encyclopedia with full of information about breast cancer. He has so much information that it came to a point that I was overwhelmed with what he knew or what he has told me so far. Mark said he didn't tell me everything he has learned or found out because he knows for a fact it will stress me out. He is right. It came to a point when I had to beg him to stop feeding me the information. It stressed me out even more.
Mark's also "pushed the envelope" a couple of times. As a result of his research he asked me to eat certain food, take some vitamins and consider alternative medicine, stuff I would never even consider. To please him I did. I ate food I never ate before, took vitamins to help my immune system or improve my chances of survival and I even agreed to see a homeopathic doctor.
Dr. K put an end to the vitamins/supplements because it might interfere with my treatment. I was relieved when he said that. I continued to eat/drink healthy choices and I'm glad Mark pushed me to do this because I like it. Now Mark's into everything organic. It is expensive and I can't taste the difference betweeen organic and non-organic. But that was my limit I did not agree to do further homeopathic testing. I just do not believe in it.
I know that he's doing all these because Mark loves me. But information overload about my illness and asking me to do stuff against my will were too much for me. It's not that I'm ignoring my illness. How can I? I have it and I think about it ALL the time. But knowing Mark, he wants the best for me and expects me to fight this disease like a true warrior, to fight it to the end. He said I am very important to our family. :)
Mark's also been my note-taker, like a sponge, he takes in all the information that my doctors told me. My mind's a mess every time we see a doctor. I rely on his skills to remember everything. Like the time when we met Dr. P and he confirmed my worst fears. All the questions I had were thrown out of the window. Everything was a blur but Mark was there for me and asked the pertinent questions. :)
Like any other married couple, we've had our disagreements and don't see eye to eye on all things. But Mark's been tremendously supportive since I was diagnosed. Frankly I don't know what I would do without him. He knows when to comfort me, asking me everyday how I feel, gives me the space I need when I need it and a whole lot more. With Mark I can let my guard down and he still loves me for who I am. What more can I say but I love him even more. :)
BTW, I am proud to say that Mark has not smoked a cigarette in a month (and counting)!!! WOW!!! Knowing him this is quite a struggle but he's trying his best. Quitting smoking was his decision, he has to practice what he preach and that is healthy living. :)
One chapter in the book is called "Cancer and the Spouse". This section explained how her husband dealt with her illness. She also interviewed other men whose wives had or have breast cancer. After reading that section, it occured to me that I never asked how Mark is coping with my illness. So I did. Mark said he finds it really hard but he's been very strong and taking everything one day at a time. Wow. I should've asked him a long time ago.
I know for a fact that after I was diagnosed with breast cancer he said that cancer picked the wrong family. He's not going to let cancer ruin our life without a fight. When he said that I knew he will be my rock and will always be there for me through this ordeal. So in his own little way, Mark did everything to find out about my illness. Searched the internet to no end. Mark is now like a walking encyclopedia with full of information about breast cancer. He has so much information that it came to a point that I was overwhelmed with what he knew or what he has told me so far. Mark said he didn't tell me everything he has learned or found out because he knows for a fact it will stress me out. He is right. It came to a point when I had to beg him to stop feeding me the information. It stressed me out even more.
Mark's also "pushed the envelope" a couple of times. As a result of his research he asked me to eat certain food, take some vitamins and consider alternative medicine, stuff I would never even consider. To please him I did. I ate food I never ate before, took vitamins to help my immune system or improve my chances of survival and I even agreed to see a homeopathic doctor.
Dr. K put an end to the vitamins/supplements because it might interfere with my treatment. I was relieved when he said that. I continued to eat/drink healthy choices and I'm glad Mark pushed me to do this because I like it. Now Mark's into everything organic. It is expensive and I can't taste the difference betweeen organic and non-organic. But that was my limit I did not agree to do further homeopathic testing. I just do not believe in it.
I know that he's doing all these because Mark loves me. But information overload about my illness and asking me to do stuff against my will were too much for me. It's not that I'm ignoring my illness. How can I? I have it and I think about it ALL the time. But knowing Mark, he wants the best for me and expects me to fight this disease like a true warrior, to fight it to the end. He said I am very important to our family. :)
Mark's also been my note-taker, like a sponge, he takes in all the information that my doctors told me. My mind's a mess every time we see a doctor. I rely on his skills to remember everything. Like the time when we met Dr. P and he confirmed my worst fears. All the questions I had were thrown out of the window. Everything was a blur but Mark was there for me and asked the pertinent questions. :)
Like any other married couple, we've had our disagreements and don't see eye to eye on all things. But Mark's been tremendously supportive since I was diagnosed. Frankly I don't know what I would do without him. He knows when to comfort me, asking me everyday how I feel, gives me the space I need when I need it and a whole lot more. With Mark I can let my guard down and he still loves me for who I am. What more can I say but I love him even more. :)
BTW, I am proud to say that Mark has not smoked a cigarette in a month (and counting)!!! WOW!!! Knowing him this is quite a struggle but he's trying his best. Quitting smoking was his decision, he has to practice what he preach and that is healthy living. :)
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Chemo and Company
When I started chemo it felt like I was hosting a party and uninvited guests crashed my party. Those gatecrashers are the side effects. My doctors warned me about them, they can come any time without warning. And they have, slowly but surely.
The first to arrive were nausea and vomitting. It wasn't fun but we were expecting them. They came right after my chemo. It was helpful that Dr. K prescribed those three anti-nausea, anti-vomitting medicines. They were great. I guess I was at my worst on the first day. I didn't take as much nausea pills as I should've but I did on the second, third and fourth day.
Next was headache and fatigue. Fatigue came right after nausea and vomit. It felt like you have a flu but with no fever. Also, I've been experiencing headache since the chemo especially in the crown area. The headache made its presence felt during chemo with the pins and needles sensation. It was bearable. The headache comes and goes but with the help of Tylenol it was tolerable. But there have been days I could not handle it.
One fear I have when I get the headache is that maybe something is happening in my head that will make my hair fall sooner than I think. :( Since the first chemo, I've been stroking my hair almost everyday. I want to remember how it feels like. I know it will grow back but I dread the day when I stroke my hair and a big chunk comes off. That's a depression waiting to happen. Oh boy.
Another side effect is body ache. There were a couple of days last week when my lower back hurt so bad I could not even sit straight. Add headache to that equation and it was torture. Body ache or bone pains are possible side effects of Neulasta, an injection that help boosts my white blood cells.
Then came mood swings. Holy cow, one minute I'm ok, the next minute I'm upset. I was very irritable last week. I hated it but somehow I snapped at almost everything. There were also days when I felt sad or depressed especially at night, when Mark puts his arms around me, I just burst into tears. I can't explain it but these symptoms happens. Damn this treatment.
Dizziness seems to be a common theme. I get dizzy standing up after squatting for a short time or when I bend to pick-up something. It's starting to bug me. So yesterday I saw Dr. C, supposedly to renew my prescription for hypertension. My blood pressure is excellent but I had to tell her what I've been feeling. Dr. C ordered me to stop taking the blood pressure pills she thinks that because of the chemo it is possible that my medication is interfering with my treatment making my blood pressure even lower than usual. Dr. C instructed that I stop taking my medicine for a month, monitor my BP every couple days and make sure it doesn't go beyond 140/90. If it does, I have to take the medicine. She wants to see me in a month's time. We'll see how this goes. The last time she told me to stop taking my pills for two weeks, it wasn't even 4 days into the break and my BP shot up so high I had to take my pills right away.
The "visitor" or side effect I hate most is what they call "chemo brain" where I tend to forget the smallest details or simple words, forget what I just did and I can't concentrate. My coconut isn't functioning properly. Initially I thought I'm really getting old ;) But based from what I read, it sounds like it's chemo brain or temporary memory loss. Darn it! What can I do? I have to exercise my brain - read, write, do puzzles, almost anything to get my mind working. Thank goodness we have the "Brain Age" game (Nintendo DS). I started today and it is a daily training to help improve my brain. It has math and problem solving puzzles.
Oh and lately, I also experienced what most women dread, hot flashes, especially in the wee hours of the morning. It's not fun. One night I could not stand it anymore I just took my top off and felt relieved!!! Menaupose induced by the chemo is one of the "unwanted guests".
However, as bad as it sounds, chemo has a couple of good side effects. It messed up my period, it came earlier than usual but at least it's not as heavy as before. Good news is it will get rid of my fibroids, according to Dr. K. I hope so because my monthly visitor is so long and so heavy it's becoming a nuisance.
Another plus is I lost a bit of weight. Not a lot but I did :) I read somewhere one lady called it the chemo diet. It's a diet I will not recommend to anyone. It's impossible not to lose weight during chemo, the nausea and vomitting is proof enough you can't eat well.
So these are my uninvited guests. They will be my guests five more times until May. After that I never want to see or feel them ever again. I wish that chemo and company will never be invited to your party (your life). They're horrible guests. ;)
The first to arrive were nausea and vomitting. It wasn't fun but we were expecting them. They came right after my chemo. It was helpful that Dr. K prescribed those three anti-nausea, anti-vomitting medicines. They were great. I guess I was at my worst on the first day. I didn't take as much nausea pills as I should've but I did on the second, third and fourth day.
Next was headache and fatigue. Fatigue came right after nausea and vomit. It felt like you have a flu but with no fever. Also, I've been experiencing headache since the chemo especially in the crown area. The headache made its presence felt during chemo with the pins and needles sensation. It was bearable. The headache comes and goes but with the help of Tylenol it was tolerable. But there have been days I could not handle it.
One fear I have when I get the headache is that maybe something is happening in my head that will make my hair fall sooner than I think. :( Since the first chemo, I've been stroking my hair almost everyday. I want to remember how it feels like. I know it will grow back but I dread the day when I stroke my hair and a big chunk comes off. That's a depression waiting to happen. Oh boy.
Another side effect is body ache. There were a couple of days last week when my lower back hurt so bad I could not even sit straight. Add headache to that equation and it was torture. Body ache or bone pains are possible side effects of Neulasta, an injection that help boosts my white blood cells.
Then came mood swings. Holy cow, one minute I'm ok, the next minute I'm upset. I was very irritable last week. I hated it but somehow I snapped at almost everything. There were also days when I felt sad or depressed especially at night, when Mark puts his arms around me, I just burst into tears. I can't explain it but these symptoms happens. Damn this treatment.
Dizziness seems to be a common theme. I get dizzy standing up after squatting for a short time or when I bend to pick-up something. It's starting to bug me. So yesterday I saw Dr. C, supposedly to renew my prescription for hypertension. My blood pressure is excellent but I had to tell her what I've been feeling. Dr. C ordered me to stop taking the blood pressure pills she thinks that because of the chemo it is possible that my medication is interfering with my treatment making my blood pressure even lower than usual. Dr. C instructed that I stop taking my medicine for a month, monitor my BP every couple days and make sure it doesn't go beyond 140/90. If it does, I have to take the medicine. She wants to see me in a month's time. We'll see how this goes. The last time she told me to stop taking my pills for two weeks, it wasn't even 4 days into the break and my BP shot up so high I had to take my pills right away.
The "visitor" or side effect I hate most is what they call "chemo brain" where I tend to forget the smallest details or simple words, forget what I just did and I can't concentrate. My coconut isn't functioning properly. Initially I thought I'm really getting old ;) But based from what I read, it sounds like it's chemo brain or temporary memory loss. Darn it! What can I do? I have to exercise my brain - read, write, do puzzles, almost anything to get my mind working. Thank goodness we have the "Brain Age" game (Nintendo DS). I started today and it is a daily training to help improve my brain. It has math and problem solving puzzles.
Oh and lately, I also experienced what most women dread, hot flashes, especially in the wee hours of the morning. It's not fun. One night I could not stand it anymore I just took my top off and felt relieved!!! Menaupose induced by the chemo is one of the "unwanted guests".
However, as bad as it sounds, chemo has a couple of good side effects. It messed up my period, it came earlier than usual but at least it's not as heavy as before. Good news is it will get rid of my fibroids, according to Dr. K. I hope so because my monthly visitor is so long and so heavy it's becoming a nuisance.
Another plus is I lost a bit of weight. Not a lot but I did :) I read somewhere one lady called it the chemo diet. It's a diet I will not recommend to anyone. It's impossible not to lose weight during chemo, the nausea and vomitting is proof enough you can't eat well.
So these are my uninvited guests. They will be my guests five more times until May. After that I never want to see or feel them ever again. I wish that chemo and company will never be invited to your party (your life). They're horrible guests. ;)
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