The results are in... the biopsy showed negative results, no malignancy or cancer build up!!! It was worth the almost hour wait to see Dr. Y this afternoon. The anxiety is gone and definitely a big weight was lifted off my chest.
As soon as we sat at Dr. Y's office, she said it's all good news! I was so relieved and happy that I cried! Dr. Y gave me some time to compose myself. They were tears of joy, tears of pent up emotions that I've been having these past few weeks, tears of overwhelming feeling.... I wanted to dance, shout but all I could do was thank God for giving me another chance and for granting my prayers.
Dr. Y explained all the results from the mammogram, ultrasound and MRI. They have no concerns about the cyst and the lump I felt on the left breast is just tissue growth. They will continue to monitor it so I have to go back for a follow-up after six months for another MRI/ultrasound. Dr. Y did not recommend draining the cyst at this time. The MRI also didn't show any malignancy or cancer build up on the right breast. She explained that MRIs are so sensitive that it catches everything. To air on the side of caution, they requested the biopsy which fortunately was negative.
We asked about double mastectomy. Dr. Y explained that all results have been very good... good enough that she referred to it as receiving "gold stars" like in a grading system. Based on the results, Dr. Y said she's not compelled to recommend mastectomy at this point. I forgot how she explained it but it was so good that I was glad that was her position about mastectomy.
We are blessed to be surrounded by family and friends (old and new) who have been with us through thick and thin. Words cannot express how thankful we are for everyone's prayers, support and love. Even complete strangers who offered prayers like the sweet old lady I bumped into the ladies washroom this afternoon. She dropped something in the washroom and she was legally blind. The lady asked for my help and that started a casual conversation. I thought that was it. Then after a few minutes, she tapped my shoulder and said that she said a prayer for me and wished me luck. I was deeply touched by her thoughtfulness and wished her well.
Tonight our family went out for dinner to celebrate. Celebrate life and our family. Life is great.
Prayers do work. Prayers can move mountains. All we have to do is have faith and put our trust in God.
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Sunday, March 20, 2011
What Lies Ahead
It's Day 4 or 5 since the biopsy. I have been extremely careful with my breast and it even came to a point that I don't want to even touch them. Scared that I might touch something or make the wound worse.
At this point, there is not much I can do but pray. There have been days that were emotionally draining where some days are better than others. I manage to put up a brave front to my family/friends and at work. I don't know why but I had a short fuse this weekend. Today's probably the worst since I had the biopsy. Irritable, short-tempered and blah. Whenever I had those moments I had to contain myself from crying because I didn't know why I was upset. I'm mad at myself for being irritable and had to psyche myself to count my blessings instead of being pessimistic. It is mentally exhausting.
The closer Thursday comes, the worrier I get. I guess that's only human. I pray when the anxiety kicks in and somehow it goes away. I prayed that it is all in God's hands, whatever His plans are will be done and it is out of my hands. I am mentally preparing myself for that day. Hoping for the best but preparing for the worst. I have faith in our Lord and whatever His plans are I will accept, good or bad.
At this point, there is not much I can do but pray. There have been days that were emotionally draining where some days are better than others. I manage to put up a brave front to my family/friends and at work. I don't know why but I had a short fuse this weekend. Today's probably the worst since I had the biopsy. Irritable, short-tempered and blah. Whenever I had those moments I had to contain myself from crying because I didn't know why I was upset. I'm mad at myself for being irritable and had to psyche myself to count my blessings instead of being pessimistic. It is mentally exhausting.
The closer Thursday comes, the worrier I get. I guess that's only human. I pray when the anxiety kicks in and somehow it goes away. I prayed that it is all in God's hands, whatever His plans are will be done and it is out of my hands. I am mentally preparing myself for that day. Hoping for the best but preparing for the worst. I have faith in our Lord and whatever His plans are I will accept, good or bad.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Biopsy
What a morning it was. It was physically and emotionally draining. I had the MRI and biopsy. I was in a good mood this morning and was ready to tackle the task ahead of me. I didn't know what to expect with the appointment this morning. Then it all happened. It was one of the longest hour (or so) of my life.
As usual, they had a hard time finding a vein on my left arm. Got poked about three times and were unsuccessful. They tried to convince me to use the right arm to no avail, they even told me they've done it to other patients who had lymph nodes removed. Not on my arms they didn't. I told them that I had a history of slight lymphedema a couple of years ago and had to do some exercise to remove it. Fortunately I didn't have to fight for it because they found a healthy vein on my left hand. It really hurt that I cried!
Then came the MRI/biopsy. Tears were still flowing down my cheeks from the IV and found it hard to take in the information they told me. They said so many things that only bits and pieces stuck on my head. This was the time I wished Mark was with me. He's my sponge who takes in all the info I can't but he was not allowed to go in with me.
Anyway, they said I had to have a mammogram after the MRI. I'm like "what? another mammogram?!?!?" The MRI tech explained that they had to do a mammogram to make sure the titanium or chip they inserted in the breast to mark the spot is actually on the right spot. Titanium?!?! Chip?!???! What the heck? I thought it was only a biopsy! I was confused and emotionally stressed. It was too much information to deal with.
So here's what happened... They took pictures of the right breast only using the MRI. The left breast was covered with a metal of some sort. That lasted about 15-30 minutes. Took me out of the MRI machine and asked me not to move at all. A couple of doctors came in to freeze the area. Someone put pressure on my back (maybe so that I won't move). Freezing was freakin' painful, they injected me four times. I wanted to sob but had to control myself because I cannot move at all. Tears were flowing like crazy. I wished Mark was with me to hold my hand.
After the freezing, they wheeled me back in the MRI, took more pictures then took me out again. The biopsy started. I heard a drilling sound it went on and off three times. I was terrified! I did not open my eyes during the entire procedure because I was afraid I might see something that I don't want to see. All I heard was the biopsy was "bang on" according to one of the doctors. I think they meant they got the right spot. They took me back in the MRI again, then it was over.
They asked me to sit up. I was so dizzy, weak and crying. Then I saw blood, oh that made my knees buckle! That was gross. They explained stuff to me and quite frankly I don't even remember what they told me. The only thing I understood was it was time for the mammo.
A nurse took us to the mammo section of the hospital. The mammo was only for the right breast. I asked why do I need another mammo. The technologist said it was to check if the chip was in the right location so that if they need to do more tests they know exactly where to go. More tests? Gosh I hope not.
The actual mammo lasted about five minutes. The technologist cleaned the breast area where the biopsy was done. I saw the open wound and I felt nauseous. It's about pea-sized and bloody. I cannot stand the sight of blood. Good thing I didn't throw up. I will be sore for about 24 hours or so. Cannot take a shower for 24 hours and I'm not allowed to do strenuous activities or do heavy lifting.
The next step is to see Dr. Y on March 24th to discuss the results. It will be nerve-wracking on the days leading up to the 24th. I'm on pins and needles every time the phone rings. But here's hoping for the best. This is now in God's hands.
As usual, they had a hard time finding a vein on my left arm. Got poked about three times and were unsuccessful. They tried to convince me to use the right arm to no avail, they even told me they've done it to other patients who had lymph nodes removed. Not on my arms they didn't. I told them that I had a history of slight lymphedema a couple of years ago and had to do some exercise to remove it. Fortunately I didn't have to fight for it because they found a healthy vein on my left hand. It really hurt that I cried!
Then came the MRI/biopsy. Tears were still flowing down my cheeks from the IV and found it hard to take in the information they told me. They said so many things that only bits and pieces stuck on my head. This was the time I wished Mark was with me. He's my sponge who takes in all the info I can't but he was not allowed to go in with me.
Anyway, they said I had to have a mammogram after the MRI. I'm like "what? another mammogram?!?!?" The MRI tech explained that they had to do a mammogram to make sure the titanium or chip they inserted in the breast to mark the spot is actually on the right spot. Titanium?!?! Chip?!???! What the heck? I thought it was only a biopsy! I was confused and emotionally stressed. It was too much information to deal with.
So here's what happened... They took pictures of the right breast only using the MRI. The left breast was covered with a metal of some sort. That lasted about 15-30 minutes. Took me out of the MRI machine and asked me not to move at all. A couple of doctors came in to freeze the area. Someone put pressure on my back (maybe so that I won't move). Freezing was freakin' painful, they injected me four times. I wanted to sob but had to control myself because I cannot move at all. Tears were flowing like crazy. I wished Mark was with me to hold my hand.
After the freezing, they wheeled me back in the MRI, took more pictures then took me out again. The biopsy started. I heard a drilling sound it went on and off three times. I was terrified! I did not open my eyes during the entire procedure because I was afraid I might see something that I don't want to see. All I heard was the biopsy was "bang on" according to one of the doctors. I think they meant they got the right spot. They took me back in the MRI again, then it was over.
They asked me to sit up. I was so dizzy, weak and crying. Then I saw blood, oh that made my knees buckle! That was gross. They explained stuff to me and quite frankly I don't even remember what they told me. The only thing I understood was it was time for the mammo.
A nurse took us to the mammo section of the hospital. The mammo was only for the right breast. I asked why do I need another mammo. The technologist said it was to check if the chip was in the right location so that if they need to do more tests they know exactly where to go. More tests? Gosh I hope not.
The actual mammo lasted about five minutes. The technologist cleaned the breast area where the biopsy was done. I saw the open wound and I felt nauseous. It's about pea-sized and bloody. I cannot stand the sight of blood. Good thing I didn't throw up. I will be sore for about 24 hours or so. Cannot take a shower for 24 hours and I'm not allowed to do strenuous activities or do heavy lifting.
The next step is to see Dr. Y on March 24th to discuss the results. It will be nerve-wracking on the days leading up to the 24th. I'm on pins and needles every time the phone rings. But here's hoping for the best. This is now in God's hands.
Monday, March 14, 2011
Whatever Happens... Happens
It's a big day for me tomorrow. It's time for the breast MRI/biopsy. (deep sigh)
I haven't thought much about it today. I managed to keep myself busy at work and didn't worry about tomorrow until I was driving home from work. I'm not really sure what to do anymore.
I am not overly nervous like I used to, hopefully that's a good thing. Somehow I managed to stay calm since the ultrasound two weeks ago. Could it be that my prayers have been answered? I prayed for strength, inner peace and remove whatever fear I have with all the tests that's been going on. Maybe my prayers were answered and thank God for that.
Who knows what tomorrow will bring. Whatever happens...happens. Stay tuned.
I haven't thought much about it today. I managed to keep myself busy at work and didn't worry about tomorrow until I was driving home from work. I'm not really sure what to do anymore.
I am not overly nervous like I used to, hopefully that's a good thing. Somehow I managed to stay calm since the ultrasound two weeks ago. Could it be that my prayers have been answered? I prayed for strength, inner peace and remove whatever fear I have with all the tests that's been going on. Maybe my prayers were answered and thank God for that.
Who knows what tomorrow will bring. Whatever happens...happens. Stay tuned.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Big Decision
We all have to make decisions. The decisions we make in life kind of defines who we are now and what we could be in the future. It can be as simple as deciding what to wear in the morning or something as complicated as getting married/divorced, moving to a new country/city, getting a new job, etcetera. So many things that we need to decide on and that's what life is all about...
I saw our family doctor, Dr. C, last Friday for a prescription refill and at the same time gave her an update what's been happening to me. We talked for some time and then she asked if I considered other options. I asked... What other options do I have? She simply said mastectomy. I said all my doctors were against it when I asked for it. Dr. C said that's because cancer was new to me and there were no other issues. Lumpectomy was the best solution at that time.
Dr. C said most women diagnosed with breast cancer the first time has the same reaction, they want mastectomy. She called it the "initial shock reaction" of most women. However after having experienced lumpectomy, some women changed their opinions and realized lumpectomy is not so bad after all. They got rid of the lump and still have their breasts.
After having said that I asked her what made her say that mastectomy is now an option for me. Dr. C explained that with the recent issues I've had with my breasts, my doctors might be more supportive of double mastectomy, if I asked for it. Dr. C said the doctors will not recommend it to me up front but the decision lies solely on me if I want to do it or not. She suggested that I start thinking about it, weigh all my options, the pros and cons, how it might affect me, my family, etcetera. This is one major decision that I have to make that will have a huge impact on me physically, mentally and psychologically.
I was overwhelmed. It was too much information for me to handle on an early Friday morning and did set the tone how my weekend went. I looked at myself in the mirror trying to imagine myself without breasts. At one point I covered them with my hands and see what it may look like without them. It was too much. Argh!!!!
I did my best to set aside this heavy thought of having mastectomy and concentrated on what's happening now. I kept myself busy, spent time with our family and did the best therapy I know to cheer me up, shopping!
I still have to make that decision at one point in the future and I am dealing with issues one day at a time. That's one tough decision so I am praying for guidance to help me make the right choice.
Decisions, decisions, decisions!!! It's crazy! What can I do? Stop thinking about it maybe? Maybe so because for now I have to face the next step and that is the MRI/biopsy scheduled next Tuesday, March 15th. (gulp!)
I saw our family doctor, Dr. C, last Friday for a prescription refill and at the same time gave her an update what's been happening to me. We talked for some time and then she asked if I considered other options. I asked... What other options do I have? She simply said mastectomy. I said all my doctors were against it when I asked for it. Dr. C said that's because cancer was new to me and there were no other issues. Lumpectomy was the best solution at that time.
Dr. C said most women diagnosed with breast cancer the first time has the same reaction, they want mastectomy. She called it the "initial shock reaction" of most women. However after having experienced lumpectomy, some women changed their opinions and realized lumpectomy is not so bad after all. They got rid of the lump and still have their breasts.
After having said that I asked her what made her say that mastectomy is now an option for me. Dr. C explained that with the recent issues I've had with my breasts, my doctors might be more supportive of double mastectomy, if I asked for it. Dr. C said the doctors will not recommend it to me up front but the decision lies solely on me if I want to do it or not. She suggested that I start thinking about it, weigh all my options, the pros and cons, how it might affect me, my family, etcetera. This is one major decision that I have to make that will have a huge impact on me physically, mentally and psychologically.
I was overwhelmed. It was too much information for me to handle on an early Friday morning and did set the tone how my weekend went. I looked at myself in the mirror trying to imagine myself without breasts. At one point I covered them with my hands and see what it may look like without them. It was too much. Argh!!!!
I did my best to set aside this heavy thought of having mastectomy and concentrated on what's happening now. I kept myself busy, spent time with our family and did the best therapy I know to cheer me up, shopping!
I still have to make that decision at one point in the future and I am dealing with issues one day at a time. That's one tough decision so I am praying for guidance to help me make the right choice.
Decisions, decisions, decisions!!! It's crazy! What can I do? Stop thinking about it maybe? Maybe so because for now I have to face the next step and that is the MRI/biopsy scheduled next Tuesday, March 15th. (gulp!)
Thursday, March 3, 2011
The Waiting Game
This morning I had the breast ultrasound. The technologist and the radiologist did not see anything so the biopsy didn't happen. Their recommendation is to have an MRI/biopsy hopefully within the next couple of weeks. The technologist explained that when the MRI was done the last time, the radiation dye went to an area of the breast (middle area) where it stayed and was captured by the MRI. The "spot" was so small that they were not able to see it in the ultrasound this morning. It was not on the same spot where the lumpectomy was done. There could be a number of things why the "spot" was captured. Who knows what it is. So the next step is the MRI. The technologist said that if it happens again when they do the MRI, a biopsy will be done. The MRI will help the radiologists determine exactly where the "spot" is and then do a biopsy.
I'm not out of the woods yet but I was relieved when they didn't find anything in the ultrasound. This wouldn't be possible without everyone's help in praying and giving your love and support the past few weeks. God is great! Life is sweet! :)
Anyway, this will entail more waiting time in the weeks to come waiting for the MRI and the results but with your continued prayers, our family hopes that we can surpass this trial. We're blessed to be surrounded with great family and friends.
I'm not out of the woods yet but I was relieved when they didn't find anything in the ultrasound. This wouldn't be possible without everyone's help in praying and giving your love and support the past few weeks. God is great! Life is sweet! :)
Anyway, this will entail more waiting time in the weeks to come waiting for the MRI and the results but with your continued prayers, our family hopes that we can surpass this trial. We're blessed to be surrounded with great family and friends.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
What Tomorrow Brings
I have been reflecting on the gospel last Sunday it said something like, 'do not worry about tomorrow, as tomorrow brings fear'. It hit the nail right on the head. It is so true especially for me. I am such worrywart that I always tend to overthink things particularly with my health. What lies ahead, the what ifs, what could happen, etcetera. But can you blame me after all that I've been through?
The biopsy and ultrasound scheduled for tomorrow morning has been on my mind constantly for the past two weeks. I am so scared of what they might find tomorrow. Will it be another setback? Will I be prepared for the worst? Thinking of what could happen causes such anxiety.
The priest said savor the time you have right now, enjoy the moment and live everything to God. And so I've learned to take things one at a time. I trained myself to not even think more than an hour from now. Take things in stride and live for the moment. This is what's helping me get through these past couple of weeks, not worry about what might happen next. I've also learned to count my blessings. Friends sent bible verses or daily scriptures recently and all messages are the same, leave everything to God, ask and you will receive, seek and you shall find, knock and a door will open for you, and most of all God knows what's best for us especially if it will be good for our soul.
I've also been praying for the best. Praying for strength, inner peace and lately to remove the fear I have in me in the days to come. Each time I feel the strength and inner peace within me, I give thanks to the Lord for answering my prayers. When I sense that the fear I have is subsiding, it feels good and again give thanks to God.
Right now I can feel my anxiety rising because tomorrow is a big day. I cannot concentrate nor can I relax. I can feel butterflies in my tummy. I feel dizzy, overwhelmed and I am anxious. This is the real me. BUT... I need to psych myself...I need to concentrate that something good will come out of it... Pray to calm my nerves... Pray for strength... Think positive... After all, who knows what tomorrow might bring?
The biopsy and ultrasound scheduled for tomorrow morning has been on my mind constantly for the past two weeks. I am so scared of what they might find tomorrow. Will it be another setback? Will I be prepared for the worst? Thinking of what could happen causes such anxiety.
The priest said savor the time you have right now, enjoy the moment and live everything to God. And so I've learned to take things one at a time. I trained myself to not even think more than an hour from now. Take things in stride and live for the moment. This is what's helping me get through these past couple of weeks, not worry about what might happen next. I've also learned to count my blessings. Friends sent bible verses or daily scriptures recently and all messages are the same, leave everything to God, ask and you will receive, seek and you shall find, knock and a door will open for you, and most of all God knows what's best for us especially if it will be good for our soul.
I've also been praying for the best. Praying for strength, inner peace and lately to remove the fear I have in me in the days to come. Each time I feel the strength and inner peace within me, I give thanks to the Lord for answering my prayers. When I sense that the fear I have is subsiding, it feels good and again give thanks to God.
Right now I can feel my anxiety rising because tomorrow is a big day. I cannot concentrate nor can I relax. I can feel butterflies in my tummy. I feel dizzy, overwhelmed and I am anxious. This is the real me. BUT... I need to psych myself...I need to concentrate that something good will come out of it... Pray to calm my nerves... Pray for strength... Think positive... After all, who knows what tomorrow might bring?
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