Number 9

It's our wedding anniversary today! Our 9th to be exact. Nine year ago we were in Vegas and got married. No big wedding, no entourage, no bridezilla ;) It was just the two of us with Jason and my Mom as witnesses. It was a spur of the moment thing. I didn't even wear a wedding gown. My in-laws didn't know we got married until Mark returned to Canada a week after. They were shocked of course but very happy for us.

After we got married, our story wasn't a "happily-ever-after" thing. Like most married couples we've had our ups and downs, challenges, triumphs, you know, the usual stuff that goes hand in hand with marriage. But I've cherished every moment of those nine years. It's what made me a better person and the two of us, better husband/wife.

The past year has been our most challenging and difficult time by far. I had breast cancer. One would think it would dampen our marriage but in fact I think it even made it stronger. I felt Mark's unwavering love and support for me. He has been my strength the past year and I could not have done it without him. It chokes me up just thinking of the stuff he's done for me. I'm lucky to have him. :)

So I salute my one true love for sticking it out with me through thick and thin. I'm looking forward to many more years with you beside me. Happy anniversary my love!

Is this anniversary worth celebrating?

Exactly this time last year I was balling my eyes out because I received THE most devastating news in my life. I had breast cancer. I was in complete shock and could not stop myself from crying. I was inconsolable. Who wouldn't be?

I was very scared of what was going to happen to me. I didn't know what to expect. A million questions ran through my mind. A couple of questions stood out among the rest - "Why me?" and "What's going to happen to our kids?".

I also remember writing an email to my boss and a couple of my friends at work that night. I decided to write an email because I was a mess and couldn't even talk without crying. I remember my tears were running down my cheeks as I wrote the email - "my doctor confirmed my worst fear, I have breast cancer".

It's been a year and yet it is still hard to accept. Maybe because a part of me was lost, the old me, gone. But I always look at it this way: "Everything happens for a reason". Maybe it happened to me because I need to stop and smell the roses. Maybe it was my wake up call. And I think it was. I gained a different perspective in life.

Is it worth celebrating this "anniversary"? At first I would say no, because finding out you have cancer is not a reason to celebrate. It has been the toughest year of my life. However, after going through the past 10 difficult and challenging months, I would say, "YES, it is worth celebrating!" I made it! I am well! I am cancer-free! I am alive! :D Thank God for that!

What's Cookin'?

The past few days I haven't been feeling well. Something's cooking inside me and I'm not sure what it was.

I was busy at work on Friday but later that day I got dizzy and nauseous. I ignored it at first but it seemed to get worse. I left work so fast it felt like someone was chasing me out the door. On my drive home, I was praying nothing will happen to me. Yes, I was that nauseous. Fortunately I made it home safely. I went straight to bed. It felt so good to go to bed! To top it off I have been coughing a lot since then. This weekend was good for me at all. I wasn't feeling well. Today at work I couldn't even stay the whole day because I was coughing non-stop. I'm not sure what I have, flu maybe? But I do not have a fever but my body was weak.

Whatever it is I hope it's not swine flu. :-|

Some Things You Don't Forget

It was around this time last year that I was on pins and needles anxiously waiting to find out what the result of my biopsy was. This time last year I was getting ready to go to a party. A party that I never really enjoyed because I was too worried to even have fun. I put a brave face in front of my friends. I wasn't sure if I should tell them or not, they were having a great time at the party. But later in the evening I changed my mind and mustered enough courage to let them in on my little secret about the lump. I still remember trying to hold back the tears when I told them. They were all shocked of course and it did change the mood that night.

Words of encouragement and prayers poured in. I was relieved I told them. It was like a weight was lifted off my shoulder. They all said they'd pray for my health. They reassured me that it might be nothing or could be benign. Little did we all know that two days later last year my world would be shattered.

Steph-a-new

The past year has been rough. The worst part of my life but I survived. In spite of it all, and as weird as it may sound, I am thankful it happened to me. Surprised? Call me insane but I am, thankful I had it.

I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason, be it good or bad. Pre-cancer, I was stressed and too busy to enjoy life. After my diagnosis and treatments, I gained a different perspective in life. These days I stop and smell the roses so to speak. I learned how to appreciate the things around me, my family and so much more. Life goes on if you cannot do everything. I try not to worry too much. I also make it a point not to get stressed out because it is the last thing I need. If I can't finish something today, I can always do it tomorrow. I also learned to be more vocal. I usually keep things to myself but lately I find it liberating if I'm more vocal (but still trying to be tactful).

So I'm thankful for my new life because quite frankly I kinda like it, this new me.