Too Tired

It's been awhile since I wrote an entry. I am too tired to do anything after work. My energy level by 3:00 p.m. on a regular work day is nearing its limit. By the time I go home, cook and eat dinner, my energy level is zero.

When I go home, I only use the computer for about half an hour and that's it. I am too tired to use it. I am so tired that when I lie down to take a rest, my body feels so heavy and I can fall asleep in a second. I normally sleep just before midnight but the last couple of weeks, I'm sleeping by 9:00 or 10:00 in the evening.

This week I'm back to my full hours at work, seven hours with one hour lunch break and 15 minutes break in the morning. Before I got sick, I have no problems working at least seven hours a day, sometimes even without lunch breaks. But now, seven hours feels like an eternity. I'm exhausted by the end of a working day.

Sometimes I wonder if I went back to work too early. I might have been mentally prepared to work but my body is telling me a different story. It's telling me to slow down when I need it. "Screams" at me when I do too much. I gotta listen, listen, listen. Let my body do the talking. ;)

A Year to Remember

What a year it has been since my last birthday. It was a year ago today I was on pins and needles wondering if the lump on my breast was benign or cancerous, anxiously waiting for the breast ultrasound. I didn't feel like celebrating last year.

It has been a year of craziness, depression, trials, illness and challenges. It was also a year of firsts for me - breast cancer, surgery, chemo, radiation, hair loss, hormonal therapy, hospital stays, and a whole lot more.

But that's all behind me. I'm another year older and hopefully wiser. I am happy to have lived through it. I am a survivor. I am alive and well. :)

What a Week!

As you all know I went back to work this week. It was nice to go back to work. But boy oh boy, I was overwhelmed. It kinda felt like I was physically there but my mind wasn't there a 100 percent yet.

I think it was too much information I had to take, the changes that transpired while I was away and simply the workload. It was nerve wracking at some point. It was busy at work especially Thursday. It's peak season in our section. I didn't know where to start.

Whenever it felt like things were going crazy, I took some breaks. I think it's what saved me throughout the week. I also tried to do things in moderation. I didn't want to stress myself out especially the first week I went back to work. However, in spite of the craziness, I'm glad I was able to remember most of the stuff I used to do. It took a couple of days to catch up but I think I'm glad I could start again where I left off, slowly but surely.

I am also thankful that I am gradually easing my way back to work. I only worked 4 hours a day this week. There were days when the day felt too short, but there were days I wanted the 4 hours to be over. At least the modified work hours I have for two more weeks will be a big help.

The nurse was right, I will be exhausted this week. And I was.

Hair Growth after Chemo

Tonight I have been surfing the web, looking for an answer - how long will it take for my hair to grow back? Of course the most common answer is "it depends on a woman's hair". Even I knew that. But I want something more... I wanted to get numbers, length of time, more substantial information than "it depends".

Anyway, most of the sites I visited stated the average is 6-7 months before it grows to about an inch or two. It's been 5 months since my last chemo so I must be getting close to my "normal" hair. But hey, my hair is still thin and short. The length of my hair varies, longer at the back and shorter on top. I also read that it will be at least a year before the hair gets unruly or be long enough to get a haircut in a salon. On the bright side, at least I'm saving a ton of money on haircuts and shampoos. ;)

But THE most shocking thing I read was that eyebrows or eyelashes and even sometimes hair on our head comes off 5-6 months AFTER chemo! It comes and goes. WTF, I wasn't expecting that. Nobody warned me about it. Apparently it is common among cancer patients to have this "hair loss" post chemo. Darn it.

Another shocker is that taking Tamoxifen can also cause hair loss. Tamoxifen is what I'm taking daily for my hormonal therapy. NOBODY warned me about that too! I was told hot flushes was the main side effect but NOT hair loss. My morale went out the window after reading that article.

Why am I looking for this answer you might ask? Because I am sick and tired of wearing my wig. Sure my wig looks like the real deal but it is torture when I'm having hot flushes. My head feels like an oven. I also want to get my real hair back, thick and long. I guess I'll just have to wait.

Back to the Grind

Whoa! I went back to work today. I was there bright and early for my 9:00 a.m. meeting, but the nurse was a no-show. Don't know what happened there. So I went straight to my desk. It was great to see my co-workers again and they welcomed me back with open arms. :)

It was overwhelming. Information overload! My head was spinning and by 11:00 a.m. I was ready to leave work. But I survived and stayed until 1:00 p.m. By the time I got home I was really exhausted. I rested for a little bit and then I was off to pick-up the kids at school. I had to drag my feet on the way to the school.

I am really tired but it was nice to go back to work, back to the swing of things and back to the grind.

Run for the Cure

We did it! Mark and I walked 5K at the Canadian Breast Cancer Foundation CIBC Run for the Cure held this morning in Brampton.

It was a last minute decision to join the cause, as in we decided before midnight last night. It was just Mark and I. It was called "Run for the Cure" but you can run, walk or jog. Mark and I walked. :) It was well worth it.

I ran/walked for myself, Bridget and Shauna and for my family too. There were about 5,000 participants in Brampton and everyone was pumped up for it. They were able to raise $400,000 to $600,000 to find a cure for breast cancer. What an achievement.

The weather was perfect and the 5K walk wasn't so bad. It felt good to join this fundraising event. It was a great experience. It gave me a different high. A big shout out to Mark for his support in joining me this morning. I love you!

I wasn't able to raise funds for the event since it was kind of like a spur of the moment thing but I will definitely aim to do it next year. So family and friends, get ready, I'm going to need your help next year, it's all for a good cause. :)

Going Pink

October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. For my share, I changed the color of my blog to pink. It's not a lot but it's my own little way of raising awareness to this dreaded disease.

I know a lot of activities are lined up for this month in our area, like the Canadian Breast Cancer Foundation CIBC Run for the Cure and a whole lot more. A whole month dedicated to raise funds to find a cure for breast cancer, raise awareness and encourage women to get a mammogram. I'm actually contemplating of joining the run on Sunday.

So please check your boobies. Check them while taking a shower or lying on the bed. When in doubt, go to your doctor immediately and have your boobies checked. Get a mammogram. It can detect a tumor the size of an apple seed. Yes they can be painful but nothing beats the peace of mind you will get knowing that you do not have a tumor in your breasts. Early detection is crucial. So please ladies, get a mammo as soon as you can.