Stress

Who the heck invented stress? It is a part of life you just can't live without. You get rid of one and another one pops up. Not only is stress a pain in the butt it could also trigger a whole bunch of health problems. It's probably the world we live in or the way we live our lives.

Stress sucks.

Another Closure

A nurse called this afternoon and asked if I need a check-up. I said I was fine and don't need one. I told her my treatments are over and only taking maintenance pills for the hormonal therapy. So the nurse said she'll pop over our place to close my files with their agency.

When she came I invited her to stay a little bit and chitchat. They've been part of my life these past few months and I felt a chat was a nice way of ending our short-lived relationship. I forgot her name but she's nice the same with all the homecare nurses who helped me. I told her what's been happening and the good news I've had recently. She's quite happy for me. Apparently, she also had a battle with the big C. She knows exactly how I feel. It was reassuring that what I'm feeling is normal and the fears of the unknown, natural. Anyway I enjoyed our conversation. She even gave me a hug before she left. What a nice lady.

I'm thankful these nurses helped me these past few months. They're dedicated, sincere and caring. They made my treatments a little bit easier.

It is another closure for me. It felt great! It felt like I closed another chapter of my life. One that I never want to experience again.

Fantastic News!!!!

Hep, hep, hooray, all my test results were normal! Woohoo! Fantastic indeed! :)

Dr. K told us that the mammogram was conclusive and it was normal. Nothing to worry about said the big guy. Yeah! Like I said yesterday I was going to push for the breast ultrasound. No such luck there. Trust me I tried to ask for it a few times, short of going down on my knees and beg, but he said no. Dr. K was satisfied with the results of my mammo and didn't see a need for an ultrasound. He said "why expose yourself to more radiation?" Ah because the mammo screwed up last year! Duh! I told him I want it for my peace of mind. Still didn't work. Well at least I tried.

Anyway I asked him about the dizziness, headache and mild pains. Dr. K told me to check with Dr. C about my dizziness. It has nothing to do with my hormonal therapy. Next the headache which I've had for two months. He thinks it might be tension headache. Dr. K even put pressure where the pain was coming from. I said the pain is kinda similar to the pressure but not quite the same. Dr. K said to observe it for another month and if it still persists he'll order a CAT scan. The mild pains? He pretty much shrugged it off and didn't explain it properly.

We also talked about how I'm reacting to Tamoxifen for my hormonal therapy. I told him the hot flashes are no fun and usually occurs at night. He felt sorry for me. I also asked him about my period and what to expect. It's kinda back but really short. Dr. K said it may or may not come back at all since I'm already peri-menopausal. Will it increase my chances to have ovarian or uterus cancer? Dr. K said no but it may increase my chance for another breast cancer based from really old findings. What?!?!?! BUT Dr. K it's highly unlikely. Anyway Dr. K said DO NOT WORRY about it and enjoy the fact that the test results are normal. Hey what can I do I'm a worrywort.

I won't see Dr. K again until next year after my annual mammogram. Good!

It took awhile for the good news to sink in because I was disappointed he didn't order an ultrasound. But when it did, it felt great. "God is great!" That's my status for today on my Facebook account. God is great because He answered my prayers. He didn't let me down. :)

What a wonderful day!

Good News or Bad News

We're meeting Dr. K tomorrow morning. Will it be good news or bad news? That is the million dollar question at the moment.

I have been praying that everything will be okay tomorrow. God I hope so.

I want to know the results of my urine test, skull x-ray and mammogram. Since I took these tests I haven't heard from Dr. K's office. Most people say no news is good news. However, I read an article in the newspaper recently that no news doesn't necessarily mean good news. Yikes! I'm getting anxious. I still want to hear it from the horse's mouth that everything is normal.

Will Dr. K request for breast ultrasound? I'm curious to find out if he wants to order one for me. He was quite reluctant the last time I saw him. I want it! It is the reassurance I need that they do not miss anything again. Since the foul up last year, I don't believe in mammograms anymore.

I have a few questions for him. My dizzy spells, the weird headache, some aches and pains I sometimes feel on my chest, to name a few. Hmm, I should make a list so I won't forget.

So what will it be? Good news or bad news? Let's keep our fingers crossed and pray that it is the former. :)

Stay tuned...

Kids Stuff

I love our kids, there's no doubt about that. I cannot imagine my life without them.

I love it when I see their smiles and their eyes lit up when they're excited. I love it when I hear them laughing. They do very simple things that really brings joy to my heart. Any stress or problems I may have are forgotten when I hear them laughing even for a short while.

I'm proud that our kids took my illness in stride and accepted whatever pains or challenges I had especially during chemo - hair loss, fatigue, too sick to play with them, etcetera. I'm sure they were confused (and probably still are) about my illness, the questions were endless but what mattered most to me was that they (and Mark) were with me every step of the way and love me no matter what.

One benefit I have since I got sick was that I have the chance of spending more time with them especially this summer. I really enjoy watching them learn how to swim, play basketball or play silly games with them. I feel their joy when they are having a blast at the rides at a fairground. I also cherish the moments when they've achieved something be it big or small. Something that I might be too busy to notice if I'm working. They're growing right before my eyes.

But don't get me wrong, our kids are no saints, like other children, there are days when they test our patience. When they are whining, bickering, fighting over toys and constantly complaining they're bored, I ask myself when am I going back to work? Two boys are a handful. Thank goodness we only have two. ;)

Even if there are days when they drive us nuts, we still love our kids very much. They have a knack of making us laugh or say the darnest things when you least expect it. Kids will be kids and we won't have it any other way.

Woozy World

Lately I've noticed that I get dizzy easily. Mainly when I quickly change positions like getting up, squatting or bending to pick up a thing. When it does happen I have to sit or stand still for a few seconds before it goes away. Sometimes it gives me a mild nauseating feeling and sometimes it doesn't.

It is only natural that we do these positions on a daily basis and impossible for me not to. It's not hypertension because I have been taking my meds regularly and my blood pressure is normal. I've had these symptoms since I had chemo. Could it be vertigo? Or is my body still adjusting because of all the treatments I've had (and still getting). I wonder what it is.

Good thing I'm seeing Dr. K on the 28th. I'll ask him (among other things). It is more likely that he will tell me to go see Dr. C, my family doctor. But I will definitely get his opinion if these dizzy, woozy spells are normal, post chemo.

Changes

My breasts have been taking a beating since I was diagnosed with breast cancer. You name it, they've done it. "They" being my doctors, nurses, technicians, specialists, technologists, etcetera. My twins have been poked, pushed, opened, pulled, x-rayed, nuked and so on.... It came to a point that I don't even care who's seen them or what they do with it. My dignity went out the window.

Since I had the surgery my breasts have never been the same. These days it looks like I have a breast and a half, instead of two. One is noticeably bigger than the other. One looks normal and healthy. The other looks like a giant prune, bruised and old. I guess it was expected but it still bugs me that they're not what they used to.

These days the affected breast gets itchy at times, the burnt skin is starting to peel off and slowly my natural skin tone is coming back. This morning I noticed my armpit is no longer black/dark. :) Cool! Now I can wear sleeveless tops.

But no matter what, I'm happy I still have them both.

Family Ties

Last weekend Mark's family had a reunion. It was from his Mom's side, the A family. Some of them I haven't seen in a few days. Some of them I haven't seen in months or years and some of them I haven't met at all. So it was nice see everyone gathered together in one place, one weekend.

During the planning stage, Mark and I weren't sure if we will be able to join the reunion. It was all dependent on my radiation treatment. But fortunately the radiation finished by the end of June and we were able to join in the fun.

Personally, I thought I'd be bored out of my mind since I cannot enjoy the sun or the pool with everyone. It has only been a little over two weeks since my last radiation treatment, soaking under the sun and in the pool are prohibited until around the end of July. Anyway, I was armed with a book and MP3 to keep me occupied. But I never had the chance to read the book or listen to my reliable MP3 because I wasn't bored at all. I had so much fun reconnecting with the A family last weekend. I loved seeing my kids having a ball. I loved that the weather was great (except Saturday morning). I loved the late nights and the company.

Everyone was also happy to see that I'm doing well and cancer free. They were all delighted with the great news. Praise be to God indeed! :) They also thanked Mark for his fantastic updates that kept them in the loop with my treatments, struggles, triumphs, challenges with my fight against breast cancer. I proudly told everyone that I couldn't have done it without Mark's love, support and understanding.

We got caught up with each family's escapades, stories and what nots. The bonfires, sharing stories/jokes, the kids' giggles, great food, unlimited supply of drinks and most especially gathering three or four generations of the A family last weekend were priceless. It was a weekend to remember.

I think everyone enjoyed the reunion. Some even said we should do it more often. Maybe next year? Whenever the next reunion will be Mark, Jason, Joshua and I hope to see you all again soon... Uncle Cor, Aunt Grace, Anita, Doug, Eric, Peter, Luke, Con, Jessica, Jackie, Steven, Dylan and his sister (sorry I forgot your name), Uncle Bill R, Aunt Vera, Art, Elisabeth, Aaron, Ryan, Natalie, Nicole, Paul, Bles, Angeline, Uncle Wietze, Aunt Sharon, Jordan, Justine, Rebeka (belated Happy Birthday!), Mom, Dad, Tonya, Kevin, Emily, Reina, Bill P, Danielle, Derek, Nadia, Kayla and Alyssa......after all we are FAMILY! :)

Second Annual Mammogram

I had my second annual mammogram today and boy did it hurt! Today was a totally different experience. I wasn't nervous going to the hospital. I was quite calm and actually looked forward to this annual event of mine. It didn't hurt the last time so I was thinking it should be okay. Not!

Before the mammo started, the mammogram technologist named Eva and I talked about my breast cancer and how my first mammo results screwed up. ;) She reviewed my file and also looked at the images of my breasts from my last mammo. It felt weird seeing images of my puppies on the computer. I tried to find the tumor but I couldn't. Eva was surprised the mammo didn't catch the tumor because of its size. Her assessment was the person who did it last year didn't use a lot of "compression". Eva told me that she would use more pressure this time to get more accurate images. I can't help but wonder if more compression was done last year could they have detected the tumor? Eva also suggested that I get an ultrasound since the last mammo missed the tumor. Better safe than sorry. She got that right. I'm definitely going to push Dr. K to request an ultrasound, for my peace of mind.

So it began. Any woman who had a mammogram would know how uncomfortable and painful it is. Eva started on the left breast. The mammo technologist pulled, shoved, pushed, positioned my breast like it was a piece of meat. When the machine started to press on my breast, I felt the pressure getting worse. There I was standing, could not move, wasn't allowed to breathe and experienced painful pressure on my breast. The pain was so bad I started to cry. On a scale of 1 to 10, the pain was 10. If I didn't complain Eva would probably press my breasts like pancakes. The pain was worse on my right breast because it is still tender from radiation and it is still recovering from the surgery. It hurt so bad I was sobbing by the time Eva was finished. A couple of times she wasn't quite satisfied with the images so she had to take more pictures. Torture!

I cried because it really, really hurt, I think my breasts were traumatized! I also think I cried because it brought back bad memories when I was diagnosed with breast cancer. It's like a complete 360. I started with a mammogram last year, got diagnosed with BC, received treatments and here I am again today with another mammo. Maybe a part of me was scared that they might detect something new. Another part of me was also scared because of possibly having another wrong diagnosis. I just hope and pray the results are normal. I'll get the results in two weeks. Keep your fingers crossed! :)

A View from the Top

We met Dr. P last Monday for my six-month check-up (post surgery). He said there was no new growth on my right breast, the lymph nodes are ok and everything is clear. Good.

Then I told him about my unusual headache on the left side of my head. The one I've been having since last month. It won't go away. Dr. P asked me if the pain is from the skull or the brain. I can't tell what the difference is. Dr. P ordered an x-ray of my skull (left temporal, I think), just to make sure.

I had the x-ray done this morning. It's my first time to have my skull x-rayed. I thought it would only be one shot but they took a few. The positions they asked me to do to have it done were really awkward and uncomfortable like tilting my head as far back as I could while sitting up straight and not moving at all.

It was also my first time to take off my wig outside the comforts of our home and to a complete stranger at that. I told the lady that I'm wearing a wig and asked if it will affect the x-ray. The lady said it is best to take it off to avoid any wrong diagnosis. So I did. It felt weird. I'm sure the lady has seen hundreds of bald women in her line of work but I was a bit uncomfortable since it was my first. The lady kept on moving my head to ensure she got the right shot. Another exposure to radiation.

Anyway, I hope the results are normal. I'm praying they are. I'll find out when I meet with Dr. K later this month.

Road to Recovery Update

Seven out of ten fingernails are back to their former glory (white). Woohoo! Three more discoloured nails to go and my hands will look normal again. Down south, my two big toenails are still discoloured. Thank goodness for nail polish!

Hair there and everywhere... My head is still bald but those suckers are definitely coming. They're like weeds popping up everywhere on my head, just the way I like it! Even our kids have noticed my hair is getting thicker. :)

Breast - still tender, itchy, burnt and sore from radiation. I'm going to Week 2 post radiation.

Fatigue - kicks in every now and then. I'm trying to take it easy when it happens.

Hot flashes - in full swing. Torture!

Doctor's appointment - tomorrow afternoon with Dr. P, my surgeon. I can't believe it has been six months since I last saw him.

Time flies.

4th of July

Hey, it's the 4th of July. Happy Independence day to everyone who lives in the US of A. :)

Itchy and Scratchy

Sounds like the cartoon show from The Simpsons but mine isn't.

The breast area is very itchy and I am stopping myself from scratching it. Ah!!! A small portion of my underarm skin peeled off too(about the size of a corn kernel). No wonder it hurt. I hope I don't have any more of the skin peeling. That might mean a trip to the hospital to see Dr. W.

At night I find it uncomfortable when I sleep on my right side, it's like putting pressure on the breast/armpit area. It's a burning/achy/itchy feeling. Weird. So I sleep on my back or left side instead.

Two to three weeks to go....