Got the results of the breast ultrasound. There was a slight growth from three months ago but not substantial enough that it should be of any concern. Dr. P read the results to us that was too technical but in layman's term it means it is not cancer. According to the radiologist's findings, there was no changes as a whole, nor did they detect it was cancer. No further 3-6 months follow-up is required. Dr. P said if I want, an ultrasound can be requested the next time I have a mammogram. Other than that no further tests is required. Dr. P did tell me to do regular monthly self breast exam. Any changes at all has to be reported to Dr. C. Obviously.
I should be extremely happy and relieved right? How come I am not? I may be slightly relieved but not entirely. The pain in the left breast is still there but Dr. P said that is normal and actually good news that it hurts. Maybe I was hoping he'd tell me he'll remove the cyst and when he didn't recommend that, I was disappointed. I can't let my guard down for a second when it comes to my health. I guess it will be something hovering over my head forever until I find the answer that I am looking for.
Monday, October 18, 2010
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Here I Go Again
I woke up early this morning feeling unsure. I had an appointment at the hospital at 7:45 a.m. It was for the three month follow-up breast ultrasound. After I finished packing our kids' lunch for school and got dressed up for work, I went to the hospital.
It felt like I was a robot this morning, like going for an ultrasound was the norm. Maybe I was numb from it all by now. I checked in, answered all the usual questions they ask me before an ultrasound and waited for my turn. The wait was not too bad, maybe five minutes tops. The lady who did the ultrasound asked my health history and like they always do, she did small talks. I was kind of hoping she woudn't talk to me because it stresses me more when they do. My mind goes crazy trying to interpret what they mean whenever they say something. But I have no control of that. It was uncomfortable every time she put pressure on my breast. But I remember what Dr. P said, if it hurts, it`s benign. That`s what kept me strong.
While she was doing the test, I debated if I should look at the images or not. Initially, I decided not to. Lesser stress I thought. Then the "dreaded" time came when she told me, "wait here, I have to look at the pictures". She was gone for like 15 minutes so I was not able to control myself and I looked at the scanned images. The cyst was "highlighted" with arrows to show where it actually is and maybe to measure the size of it. The anxiety level went up! She came back and told me to go home. The results will be sent to my doctors in a weeks time.
I felt the same way from the time I woke up to the time I left the hospital, feeling unsure. Who knows what lies ahead. All I could think of was, here I go again.
It felt like I was a robot this morning, like going for an ultrasound was the norm. Maybe I was numb from it all by now. I checked in, answered all the usual questions they ask me before an ultrasound and waited for my turn. The wait was not too bad, maybe five minutes tops. The lady who did the ultrasound asked my health history and like they always do, she did small talks. I was kind of hoping she woudn't talk to me because it stresses me more when they do. My mind goes crazy trying to interpret what they mean whenever they say something. But I have no control of that. It was uncomfortable every time she put pressure on my breast. But I remember what Dr. P said, if it hurts, it`s benign. That`s what kept me strong.
While she was doing the test, I debated if I should look at the images or not. Initially, I decided not to. Lesser stress I thought. Then the "dreaded" time came when she told me, "wait here, I have to look at the pictures". She was gone for like 15 minutes so I was not able to control myself and I looked at the scanned images. The cyst was "highlighted" with arrows to show where it actually is and maybe to measure the size of it. The anxiety level went up! She came back and told me to go home. The results will be sent to my doctors in a weeks time.
I felt the same way from the time I woke up to the time I left the hospital, feeling unsure. Who knows what lies ahead. All I could think of was, here I go again.
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