If one has the power to turn back the hands of time, five years ago, today would've been my first chemo. I was terrified, anxious, uncertain of what was ahead. The thought of losing my hair, the thought of what it will do to me, the thought of what it will do to my family.... it was unbearable.
I've had:
1 chemo treatment
2 types of cancer
3 lymph nodes remove
4 weeks of radiation (I think)
5 years ago (or so) was when I was diagnosed with cancer
6 cycles of chemo
7 months more of Tamoxifen (guesstimate)
Countless times of blood tests, doctors' appointments, mammos, ultrasounds, body scans and x-rays
Numerous times when I've had (and still do) experience brain fog (or chemo brain).
So why do I keep looking back at those hard, trying times? Because the past built who I am today. It made me stronger. It gave me a newer perspective in life and taking one day at a time without stressing too much about the future (really trying to do this!). But most of all hopeful and thankful. Hopeful that I'll get to enjoy life more with my family, especially our children, and thankful that our good Lord gave me another chance in life.
Sunday, January 19, 2014
Saturday, November 2, 2013
WTH?
What the heck? You would think that's what I meant, right? Nah, for me it means, WHERE'S THE HAIR?!?!?!?!?!
No offense to those who took the pictures. Snapshots of my thinning hairline makes me go bonkers and brings me back to the dark times of my life when I had breast cancer.
It never fails, just when I feel very normal again, I'd see pictures or be reminded of my thinning hair. Then bam! it sucks the positivity out of me and wham! reminds me of the past. :(
This week a co-worker asked, and I know she meant well, why don't I buy a wig or hair extensions to cover it. My reason was because when I wear one (or a head cover) our kids get nervous that I'm sick again. To them, it triggers fear and uncertainty. Our youngest son begged me to not wear them ever again. That's the truth. Since then I've decided to be brave and stomach all the stares/humiliation of having thin hair. Anything that would bring normalcy to our kids.
Of course, I'd get over it and forget it, but tsk, tsk, it happens every now and then that I get reminded of it. Such is life.
In spite of this occasional depression, I've been blessed to have a second chance in life. Life is good and I can't complain.
No offense to those who took the pictures. Snapshots of my thinning hairline makes me go bonkers and brings me back to the dark times of my life when I had breast cancer.
It never fails, just when I feel very normal again, I'd see pictures or be reminded of my thinning hair. Then bam! it sucks the positivity out of me and wham! reminds me of the past. :(
This week a co-worker asked, and I know she meant well, why don't I buy a wig or hair extensions to cover it. My reason was because when I wear one (or a head cover) our kids get nervous that I'm sick again. To them, it triggers fear and uncertainty. Our youngest son begged me to not wear them ever again. That's the truth. Since then I've decided to be brave and stomach all the stares/humiliation of having thin hair. Anything that would bring normalcy to our kids.
Of course, I'd get over it and forget it, but tsk, tsk, it happens every now and then that I get reminded of it. Such is life.
In spite of this occasional depression, I've been blessed to have a second chance in life. Life is good and I can't complain.
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