1 out of 9 women will develop breast cancer in her lifetime in Canada, scary but true (source: cancer.ca)...
1 out of 8 women will have cancer in the US (source: breastcancer.org)
2 the breast cancer stage I have...
3 lymph nodes taken from me during my surgery, thank God all nodes were tested negative for cancer, woohoo! :) ...
3 types treatments I will receive to get rid of the cancer: chemo, radiation and hormonal therapy ...
2 x-rays, 1 CAT scan, 1 complete bone scan, 1 echocardiogram, 1 abdominal ultrasound are the number of tests I had to date, yup, there's more to come...
3.5 cm was the size of the tumor when I was diagnosed...
4.1 cm was the size of the tumor when it was removed during the surgery...
5 days a week for 4 weeks and 1 day - length of time for my radiation therapy...
6 cycles of chemo treatments I will have (once every 3 weeks for 5 months)...
7 months I might be off work, hopefully shorter...
90% survival rate for a 10-year period was given to me based on the type of aggressive treatments I will have ...
June 4, 2008, I had a mammogram upon my request, it tested negative for tumor and the pathology report showed I have very dense breast. Note to self: Never trust a mammogram ever again! ...
1st week of October, 2008 or at least around that time, I accidentally found a lump on my right breast...
October 27, 2008, I had a breast ultrasound and it came out suspicious. Dr. C wanted to see me right away (gulp!)
November 3, 2008, we met my surgeon, Dr. P, for the first time...
November 4, 2008, I had a needle biopsy...
November 10, 2008 is the day I will never forget, my surgeon said I have breast cancer...
December 9, 2008 I had lumpectomy and sentinel node dissection...
December 30, 2008, we met my medical oncologist, Dr. K and found out all three lymph nodes tested negative for cancer!!! :D ...
January 12, 2009 we met Dr. K again and decided when my chemo will start ...
January 19, 2009, first chemo cycle...
Januar 29, 2009, we met Dr. W, my radiation oncologist...
February 9, 2009, second chemo cycle...
May 4, 2009, if all goes according to schedule, will be my last chemo treatment - I CANNOT WAIT!
Facts and figures I know and experienced since I was diagnosed, just in case you're wondering...
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Friday, January 30, 2009
Paperwork, health, love, kids, concerns
This afternoon I finally had the chance to process our insurance claims for the meds I'm taking and Jason's. That was over a $1000 of insurance claims. Mark's work no longer issue insurance/drug cards, unlike mine. So we have to submit any claims the old fashion way - filling up forms, attaching the receipts and send it through snail mail. What a pain! At this day and age, a drug card is so convenient and you don't have to shell out your own money. Oh well at least that's done.
I also mailed the cards I bought for Sarah and Beth. Each card had a special meaning that described each of their personalities and how they cope with our illness. I wrote special messages for them which I hope they will like. I will call Sarah on Sunday, it will be Day 4 after her chemo, hopefully she's feeling better.
I got a call from a friend. Linneth, it was nice to hear a familiar voice. I'm glad you called to get an update. :) I appreciate the offer to that place this weekend. But that place is usually overcrowded and it's too risky to go there for fear of infection. I hope you'll understand.
I also received a couple of emails from friends today, from Thess and Christine. The emails you sent me individually were very touching, they make me proud and even stronger. You guys made my day! I got choked up, more like tears of joy really.
Christine, what can I say but thank you! You don't know how much that means to me. I miss our coffee breaks, our daily chit-chats and you as my next door cubicle neighbour! Thanks also for handling my clients' training. They were actually looking for me?!?!?! ;) I will definitely give you a call if I can't handle this madness, maybe we can have coffee, tea or something :D
Thess, you are like a sister to me. I really love your email and you know how to cheer me up. The food you promised me when I go back to work is enough to keep me motivated! ;)
Healthwise, I paged my oncology nurse today. I have a bruise behind my left knee and started bleeding on Thursday. I'm not sure if it is my period because my last cycle ended January 19th and I'm not expecting it, well not for another week or two at least. I read my handy-dandy chemo booklet to check for possible side effects. What I have falls under the low platelets info sheet. It says if I experience any of the symptoms under low platelets to call the hospital immediately: bruising, heavy vaginal bleeding, constant headache or blurred vision, bleeding from gums, vomitting, nosebleeds, etc. Anyway I had three symptoms: bleeding, bruising and constant headache. Being on chemo can make you paranoid on every single side effect that you might experience or see on your body. You doubt everything.
The nurse called, she said it is very rare for chemo patients to experience low platelets so she thinks it is probably my period. Mark told me the same thing before the nurse called but I wanted some reassurance. The nurse explained that chemo makes monthly periods go out of whack or even miss periods. I was told to keep track of the bleeding but she's confident it is just my menstrual cycle.
I felt tired and weak today. I listened to what my body said and took a nap in the afternoon. I woke up when Mark took a shower. It must've been a power nap because I felt better afterwards. That, coupled with Mark's love and sweet-cozy hug, worked wonders. I love Mark. Mwah! :)
Our son, Jason, was so looking forward to Friday. He said it will be "the greatest day of my life". We asked why. Jason said, it is because he got an A- on his Math test and he's having a sleepover tonight with a couple of his friends. He was so funny. However when he came home from school I heard him crying in his room. His leg hurt. I tried to appease him but it didn't work.
After I showered I saw him on our bed sleeping. I felt his head and he was burning up. His didn't look his usual self. I checked his temperature and it was 39.4. He had a fever. Jason was upset when I told he had to stay home. I explained to him that he can't go to his friend's house because of his fever. He was upset. As a compromise, I told him I'll call his friend's mom and explain what happened. I told Jason that it will be the mother's call if he can go or not. He was ok with that. However, the mom said no, as expected. Jason flipped, threw a tantrum and threw everything he could get his hands on. I've never seen him so upset. We all felt so sorry for him. My heart melted. But what can we do, he is sick.
Jason's fever raises some concerns, will I get it or not? I pray that I don't. But as a mother, I can't help but care for my kids especially when they're sick. My kids have been pretty good and loving since I've been sick. It is now my turn to be good and loving to them, like any mother would. Cancer or no cancer.
I also mailed the cards I bought for Sarah and Beth. Each card had a special meaning that described each of their personalities and how they cope with our illness. I wrote special messages for them which I hope they will like. I will call Sarah on Sunday, it will be Day 4 after her chemo, hopefully she's feeling better.
I got a call from a friend. Linneth, it was nice to hear a familiar voice. I'm glad you called to get an update. :) I appreciate the offer to that place this weekend. But that place is usually overcrowded and it's too risky to go there for fear of infection. I hope you'll understand.
I also received a couple of emails from friends today, from Thess and Christine. The emails you sent me individually were very touching, they make me proud and even stronger. You guys made my day! I got choked up, more like tears of joy really.
Christine, what can I say but thank you! You don't know how much that means to me. I miss our coffee breaks, our daily chit-chats and you as my next door cubicle neighbour! Thanks also for handling my clients' training. They were actually looking for me?!?!?! ;) I will definitely give you a call if I can't handle this madness, maybe we can have coffee, tea or something :D
Thess, you are like a sister to me. I really love your email and you know how to cheer me up. The food you promised me when I go back to work is enough to keep me motivated! ;)
Healthwise, I paged my oncology nurse today. I have a bruise behind my left knee and started bleeding on Thursday. I'm not sure if it is my period because my last cycle ended January 19th and I'm not expecting it, well not for another week or two at least. I read my handy-dandy chemo booklet to check for possible side effects. What I have falls under the low platelets info sheet. It says if I experience any of the symptoms under low platelets to call the hospital immediately: bruising, heavy vaginal bleeding, constant headache or blurred vision, bleeding from gums, vomitting, nosebleeds, etc. Anyway I had three symptoms: bleeding, bruising and constant headache. Being on chemo can make you paranoid on every single side effect that you might experience or see on your body. You doubt everything.
The nurse called, she said it is very rare for chemo patients to experience low platelets so she thinks it is probably my period. Mark told me the same thing before the nurse called but I wanted some reassurance. The nurse explained that chemo makes monthly periods go out of whack or even miss periods. I was told to keep track of the bleeding but she's confident it is just my menstrual cycle.
I felt tired and weak today. I listened to what my body said and took a nap in the afternoon. I woke up when Mark took a shower. It must've been a power nap because I felt better afterwards. That, coupled with Mark's love and sweet-cozy hug, worked wonders. I love Mark. Mwah! :)
Our son, Jason, was so looking forward to Friday. He said it will be "the greatest day of my life". We asked why. Jason said, it is because he got an A- on his Math test and he's having a sleepover tonight with a couple of his friends. He was so funny. However when he came home from school I heard him crying in his room. His leg hurt. I tried to appease him but it didn't work.
After I showered I saw him on our bed sleeping. I felt his head and he was burning up. His didn't look his usual self. I checked his temperature and it was 39.4. He had a fever. Jason was upset when I told he had to stay home. I explained to him that he can't go to his friend's house because of his fever. He was upset. As a compromise, I told him I'll call his friend's mom and explain what happened. I told Jason that it will be the mother's call if he can go or not. He was ok with that. However, the mom said no, as expected. Jason flipped, threw a tantrum and threw everything he could get his hands on. I've never seen him so upset. We all felt so sorry for him. My heart melted. But what can we do, he is sick.
Jason's fever raises some concerns, will I get it or not? I pray that I don't. But as a mother, I can't help but care for my kids especially when they're sick. My kids have been pretty good and loving since I've been sick. It is now my turn to be good and loving to them, like any mother would. Cancer or no cancer.
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Treatments
We finally met our radiation oncologist Dr. W. He seems like a nice guy and I feel comfortable having him as my radiation oncologist, unlike Dr. K. Can you tell I don't like Dr. K yet? ;)
Dr. W discussed in detail what my radiation treatment (RT) will be and even showed a picture how the radiation will target my right breast. Like any other doctor, he had to tell me that there is a one percent chance I will develop a type of cancer (forgot the name) but it is very rare and he told me not to worry about it. I'm not. :)
If my chemo treatment goes on schedule, Dr. W said my last chemo will be May 4th. He expects that my RT will start four weeks after my last chemo cycle. This will allow my body to get a break and recover a little bit in between treatments. Radiation will be done daily, five days a week, for four weeks and one day. A total of 21 radiation treatments. Mark and I also found out that hormonal therapy will begin the same time as the RT. Hormonal therapy will Dr. K's turf.
So what will happen with the RT? I will have another CAT scan that will focus on the chest/breast area only prior to the treatment. Afterwards, Dr. W said he will mark the area targetted for RT with four small tattoos. No, the tattoos are not going to be in the shape of hearts with arrows that say "I love you Mark forever" ;) The tattoos are so small you can hardly see them, it's like the size of a freckle or a tiny mole. Having the four tattoos will help the technician focus the radiation in the same area every time I have the RT. I'll be lying down on a CAT scan-like machine. The machine will be moving around my body so I don't have to move at all. I think preparing for the radiation will be longer than the actual treatment itself. Each treatment will last 5-10 minutes only.
Side effects? Fatigue is the most common side effect of radiation treatment. Dr. W said I might feel weak after each treatment, he suggested that someone should help me during this period, like Mark can cook dinner ;) Dr. W said I might experience fatigue even after the treatment is over. Rest is vital. Skin discolouration will also happen. Dr. W said my right breast will turn red and if it becomes itchy, he said I can buy over-the-counter ointment with aloe to relieve the itchiness. The breast size will change as well and make it a bit smaller. The good thing is I do not have to take any other prescription drugs while undergoing radiation treatment, unlike chemo.
The treatment I will be having will not make me radioactive. Therefore I will not be exposing Mark, our kids, family and friends to radiation at all. I can actually drive to the hospital myself and can go home as soon as the RT is over.
Dr. W anticipates that my RT will go on schedule. He wants to see us again on April 27 to thoroughly discuss my treatment.
After lunch, I tried gentle yoga. Mind-body relaxation is an alternative form of treatment for cancer. Lately I've been irritable and stressed that I was anxious to try it. I stepped in the yoga class, stood there and didn't know what to do. I approached the yoga instructor and told her I'm a novice and had no clue what to do. She said do whatever I feel like doing. I saw the other participants lying down, I did the same thing. Then the instructor started talking about yoga in general and urged us to ask anything we have in mind. So I raised my hand and asked if she can teach me the method of relaxation. Weeeelllll, she told me and I quote "patience is humbling and if you listen and wait, you will know what yoga is all about" Yikes! I was embarrassed I couldn't concentrate. I wished I was an ostrich and shove my head in the sand.
But I didn't go to that class to get more stress. I tried to clear my head. It took me about 30 minutes to finally concentrate on yoga. It was a 1 1/2 hour class and it was only halfway through the class that I felt relaxed. It wasn't too bad, I did feel better after the class. By the way, the instructor told us that anything or everything that happened or were discussed in the class will remain in the class. Uhm.... ;) I didn't, it's just the awkward situation I was at and what my personal thoughts are. I'll see if I can attend again next week. There is another beginners yoga class that I would like to attend on Saturday, but like any other cancer patient, I'll see what I feel like that day.
After the yoga class, I went to a store and bought get well cards for my friends, Sarah and Beth (not real names). Both of them started their chemo this week, Beth was on Monday and Sarah, today. I guess it's my own little way of cheering them up. I'll mail the cards tomorrow.
I met Beth through her brother, Aiden (not his real name), who's a co-worker of mine. I called Beth tonight and wanted to check how she is doing after chemo. Both of us will have six cycles of chemo and the same type of medication, FEC-T. It is short for 5-Fluorouracil Infusion, Epirubicin, Cyclophosphamide I.V. and Docetaxel (more commonly called Taxotere). It is a mouthful that's why I only remember it as FEC-T. Anyway, Beth is experiencing the same symptoms I have. But she is in good spirits. That's good. The way we think will have an impact how our body will react to the medications. Positive thinking means positive results. :D
I also tried to call Sarah but only got a voicemail. I left her a message saying I've been thinking about her and praying for her speedy recovery. I'll call her this weekend to see how she is. :)
It has been a day of treatments, for me and for my friends. But after all these are over, we are getting a treat, an extended lease on life :D
Dr. W discussed in detail what my radiation treatment (RT) will be and even showed a picture how the radiation will target my right breast. Like any other doctor, he had to tell me that there is a one percent chance I will develop a type of cancer (forgot the name) but it is very rare and he told me not to worry about it. I'm not. :)
If my chemo treatment goes on schedule, Dr. W said my last chemo will be May 4th. He expects that my RT will start four weeks after my last chemo cycle. This will allow my body to get a break and recover a little bit in between treatments. Radiation will be done daily, five days a week, for four weeks and one day. A total of 21 radiation treatments. Mark and I also found out that hormonal therapy will begin the same time as the RT. Hormonal therapy will Dr. K's turf.
So what will happen with the RT? I will have another CAT scan that will focus on the chest/breast area only prior to the treatment. Afterwards, Dr. W said he will mark the area targetted for RT with four small tattoos. No, the tattoos are not going to be in the shape of hearts with arrows that say "I love you Mark forever" ;) The tattoos are so small you can hardly see them, it's like the size of a freckle or a tiny mole. Having the four tattoos will help the technician focus the radiation in the same area every time I have the RT. I'll be lying down on a CAT scan-like machine. The machine will be moving around my body so I don't have to move at all. I think preparing for the radiation will be longer than the actual treatment itself. Each treatment will last 5-10 minutes only.
Side effects? Fatigue is the most common side effect of radiation treatment. Dr. W said I might feel weak after each treatment, he suggested that someone should help me during this period, like Mark can cook dinner ;) Dr. W said I might experience fatigue even after the treatment is over. Rest is vital. Skin discolouration will also happen. Dr. W said my right breast will turn red and if it becomes itchy, he said I can buy over-the-counter ointment with aloe to relieve the itchiness. The breast size will change as well and make it a bit smaller. The good thing is I do not have to take any other prescription drugs while undergoing radiation treatment, unlike chemo.
The treatment I will be having will not make me radioactive. Therefore I will not be exposing Mark, our kids, family and friends to radiation at all. I can actually drive to the hospital myself and can go home as soon as the RT is over.
Dr. W anticipates that my RT will go on schedule. He wants to see us again on April 27 to thoroughly discuss my treatment.
After lunch, I tried gentle yoga. Mind-body relaxation is an alternative form of treatment for cancer. Lately I've been irritable and stressed that I was anxious to try it. I stepped in the yoga class, stood there and didn't know what to do. I approached the yoga instructor and told her I'm a novice and had no clue what to do. She said do whatever I feel like doing. I saw the other participants lying down, I did the same thing. Then the instructor started talking about yoga in general and urged us to ask anything we have in mind. So I raised my hand and asked if she can teach me the method of relaxation. Weeeelllll, she told me and I quote "patience is humbling and if you listen and wait, you will know what yoga is all about" Yikes! I was embarrassed I couldn't concentrate. I wished I was an ostrich and shove my head in the sand.
But I didn't go to that class to get more stress. I tried to clear my head. It took me about 30 minutes to finally concentrate on yoga. It was a 1 1/2 hour class and it was only halfway through the class that I felt relaxed. It wasn't too bad, I did feel better after the class. By the way, the instructor told us that anything or everything that happened or were discussed in the class will remain in the class. Uhm.... ;) I didn't, it's just the awkward situation I was at and what my personal thoughts are. I'll see if I can attend again next week. There is another beginners yoga class that I would like to attend on Saturday, but like any other cancer patient, I'll see what I feel like that day.
After the yoga class, I went to a store and bought get well cards for my friends, Sarah and Beth (not real names). Both of them started their chemo this week, Beth was on Monday and Sarah, today. I guess it's my own little way of cheering them up. I'll mail the cards tomorrow.
I met Beth through her brother, Aiden (not his real name), who's a co-worker of mine. I called Beth tonight and wanted to check how she is doing after chemo. Both of us will have six cycles of chemo and the same type of medication, FEC-T. It is short for 5-Fluorouracil Infusion, Epirubicin, Cyclophosphamide I.V. and Docetaxel (more commonly called Taxotere). It is a mouthful that's why I only remember it as FEC-T. Anyway, Beth is experiencing the same symptoms I have. But she is in good spirits. That's good. The way we think will have an impact how our body will react to the medications. Positive thinking means positive results. :D
I also tried to call Sarah but only got a voicemail. I left her a message saying I've been thinking about her and praying for her speedy recovery. I'll call her this weekend to see how she is. :)
It has been a day of treatments, for me and for my friends. But after all these are over, we are getting a treat, an extended lease on life :D
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
A Stormy Day
All of us who live in this part of the world woke up to a winter storm. Our area experienced a winter storm, about 15-25 cm of snow was forecasted and we still have a month or so until winter is over. Yuck! I believe most adults hate winter storms, just thinking about shovelling the driveway or that treacherous drive to work or anywhere are not our cup of tea but the kids love it. Snow means fun - tobogganing, making snow angels or snowmen and snow ball fights. :)
Since I've been diagnosed with breast cancer I've learned to appreciate everything even more like watching the snow fall while I was having breakfast this morning. I found it calming and relaxing. I also loved watching our kids play in the snow this afternoon. All they did was walk, roll in the snow and play snow ball fights but I loved it and gave me inner peace.
On a stormy day I made home cooked crepes for my kids for the first time (Dad, the kids said it tasted like yours, woohoo!), I tried my best to respond to all the emails I received, checked my Facebook [I'm a FB addict and proud of it ;) ], watched my fave TV shows, read a book and relaxed. I also emailed a few friends including Lindsay. Lindsay's a yoga buff and I wanted to know how I can donate to her cause, The Ride to Conquer Cancer. She's riding for the cause because of her mom, a cancer survivor, her grandma who died of cancer and those who are currently fighting cancer. What shocked me most was Lindsay said she also dedicates it to me (I'm the "S" she noted on her site). I was deeply touched and wanted to give Lindsay a big hug if I was at work. :) If you have time please check out Lindsay's page and donate.
Later in the day, I started feeling tired, weak, developed a headache, I got dizzy standing up and started feeling nauseous. I have a mini-storm in my body. I took a shower hopefully to relieve the headache but that didn't help. I took Tylenol and it took forever to kick in. I was cooking dinner and had to ask my Mom to finish it because I really felt sick. I checked the blue book that the hospital gave me with information on my chemo treatment and the side effects that I will experience. My blood pressure is normal. I checked for the symptoms I'm having and it looks like I'm anemic, my red blood cell count is probably low. I called the hospital to check if I need to go to emergency. The nurse told me I take Gravol and see how it goes. Not very helpful. Instead of Gravol, I took the nausea pill prescribed by my oncologist. It got rid of the nausea. I've had these symptoms since yesterday. Hopefully I feel better tomorrow. I'll page my oncology nurse tomorrow.
Tomorrow we're meeting the radiation oncologist for the first time. It will only be a consultation but at least I will have a better idea what will happen with my radiation treatment and for how long. I can't wait until the treatments are over. I need my life back. A life without cancer!
I'm taking everything one day at a time. The stormy day is almost over and tomorrow is another day. I'm hoping it's a better one.
Since I've been diagnosed with breast cancer I've learned to appreciate everything even more like watching the snow fall while I was having breakfast this morning. I found it calming and relaxing. I also loved watching our kids play in the snow this afternoon. All they did was walk, roll in the snow and play snow ball fights but I loved it and gave me inner peace.
On a stormy day I made home cooked crepes for my kids for the first time (Dad, the kids said it tasted like yours, woohoo!), I tried my best to respond to all the emails I received, checked my Facebook [I'm a FB addict and proud of it ;) ], watched my fave TV shows, read a book and relaxed. I also emailed a few friends including Lindsay. Lindsay's a yoga buff and I wanted to know how I can donate to her cause, The Ride to Conquer Cancer. She's riding for the cause because of her mom, a cancer survivor, her grandma who died of cancer and those who are currently fighting cancer. What shocked me most was Lindsay said she also dedicates it to me (I'm the "S" she noted on her site). I was deeply touched and wanted to give Lindsay a big hug if I was at work. :) If you have time please check out Lindsay's page and donate.
Later in the day, I started feeling tired, weak, developed a headache, I got dizzy standing up and started feeling nauseous. I have a mini-storm in my body. I took a shower hopefully to relieve the headache but that didn't help. I took Tylenol and it took forever to kick in. I was cooking dinner and had to ask my Mom to finish it because I really felt sick. I checked the blue book that the hospital gave me with information on my chemo treatment and the side effects that I will experience. My blood pressure is normal. I checked for the symptoms I'm having and it looks like I'm anemic, my red blood cell count is probably low. I called the hospital to check if I need to go to emergency. The nurse told me I take Gravol and see how it goes. Not very helpful. Instead of Gravol, I took the nausea pill prescribed by my oncologist. It got rid of the nausea. I've had these symptoms since yesterday. Hopefully I feel better tomorrow. I'll page my oncology nurse tomorrow.
Tomorrow we're meeting the radiation oncologist for the first time. It will only be a consultation but at least I will have a better idea what will happen with my radiation treatment and for how long. I can't wait until the treatments are over. I need my life back. A life without cancer!
I'm taking everything one day at a time. The stormy day is almost over and tomorrow is another day. I'm hoping it's a better one.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Lending an ear
I woke up with a very good attitude and was ready to face the new day. It was a freezing cold morning with a windchill of -22 celsius but at least the sun was out. Healthwise it was so-so, I had a mild chest pain this morning but after taking the pill for my hypertension, it disappeared. This afternoon I experienced a lower back pain after organizing some stuff in our closet. It really hurt so I stopped whatever I was doing and took extra strength Tylenol to relieve the pain. Aside from my prescription for my hypertension, Tylenol is the only one I can take to relieve any pains or body ache. However I am not allowed to take Tylenol if I develop a fever. Anyway I think the pain went away.
Today Sarah (not real name), my new found friend, went to the hospital for her chemo teaching. Both of us have been diagnosed with breast cancer. Her mom and my mother-in-law have been friends for years. She called me if we can see each other today. Sarah's chemo teaching (orientation) experience at the hospital didn't go well at all because of the nurse who conducted the session. The nurse was harsh and very cold. For Sarah, who is very nervous, fragile and scared of her forthcoming first chemo this Thursday, it was uncalled for. I told her to come over to our house so we can talk and I can comfort her.
I felt her pain and was mortified when I found out the teaching nurse told Sarah that two patients died as a result of the treatment. WTF, how can a nurse tell that to a breast cancer patient. That lady should not be a nurse at all.
Anyway, I tried as much as I can to comfort Sarah. I knew exactly what she's thinking and feeling prior to her first chemo because I felt exactly the same way. The uncertainty and the fear of what the chemo can do to our body was unbearable. Sarah's fears were warranted. I won't go into details but Sarah was glad to talk to someone tonight and I'm glad I was able to comfort her. I encouraged her to be strong and remain positive because it will affect how her body will react to the treatment. I mentioned it repeatedly and hopefully she will. I'll call her a few days after her chemo.
Maybe that was why I felt good this morning because I was able to lend an ear to a friend in need. :)
Today Sarah (not real name), my new found friend, went to the hospital for her chemo teaching. Both of us have been diagnosed with breast cancer. Her mom and my mother-in-law have been friends for years. She called me if we can see each other today. Sarah's chemo teaching (orientation) experience at the hospital didn't go well at all because of the nurse who conducted the session. The nurse was harsh and very cold. For Sarah, who is very nervous, fragile and scared of her forthcoming first chemo this Thursday, it was uncalled for. I told her to come over to our house so we can talk and I can comfort her.
I felt her pain and was mortified when I found out the teaching nurse told Sarah that two patients died as a result of the treatment. WTF, how can a nurse tell that to a breast cancer patient. That lady should not be a nurse at all.
Anyway, I tried as much as I can to comfort Sarah. I knew exactly what she's thinking and feeling prior to her first chemo because I felt exactly the same way. The uncertainty and the fear of what the chemo can do to our body was unbearable. Sarah's fears were warranted. I won't go into details but Sarah was glad to talk to someone tonight and I'm glad I was able to comfort her. I encouraged her to be strong and remain positive because it will affect how her body will react to the treatment. I mentioned it repeatedly and hopefully she will. I'll call her a few days after her chemo.
Maybe that was why I felt good this morning because I was able to lend an ear to a friend in need. :)
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Saturday, Sabado, Samedi, Sabato
Ah Saturdays, don't you just love it? For some it is the second day of the weekend, for some it is the start. For me it is the latter. I'm glad it is Saturday. I've been looking forward to it. Picture this, it is in the middle of a chilly winter when you can't do much outside, I just finished one round of chemo and I'm off work. So one way or the other, cabin fever will strike. And it did.
I have been stuck in the house since Monday, moreso because I didn't have a choice, I was very ill and weak. Thursday morning was when it hit me. I had to get out of the house. So I asked Mark if we can go out for dinner with the family. I wanted a change of scenery, anywhere BUT the house, so we ate at Giggling Tomatoes. I chose this restaurant because it is close to where we live and not a lot of people go there to eat, usually for take-out. Lesser people means lesser risk of catching a virus. Hey, I have to be extra careful these days since my white blood count is at its lowest. One sneeze can cause an infection and I do not want that to happen. Anyway, the first round of chemo was not a piece of cake. But it wasn't too bad either. I got my appetite back, just got my groove back and next thing I'll know it's C time once again. Crap! It's a cycle I do not want to be in but I have no choice. I'm not looking forward to it.
I also looked forward to Saturday because I was going out with my girlfriend and my Mom to go to the wig shop. I received a call early this week that the wigs are ready for me to try on. So off we went to the wig store called "Truly You". Since I cut my hair short, the owner wasn't too happy that I did. Oops! Mainly because the stuff she ordered were longer and of different styles, plus it would also mean lesser ca-ching for her. Oh well, it's my life/my head, not hers.
Anyway, she only had two of the three samples she ordered. So I tried on both, the first was mediocre, it had the same colour as my hair and almost the same style, but it wasn't me. The second one, the colour was completely off, and the owner suggested that I stay away from that colour because my skin tone will change during chemo...it will?!?!?!....yikes! That one was out.
With my new short hair, I asked for samples similar to my current style. She brought in two but I only liked one, it is so similar to what my current hairstyle looks like especially when I fluffed it. Surreal! So I ordered that style, made a $200 downpayment and will come back to pick it up when I'm ready for my GI Jane buzz cut. Scary thought! ;) As I've said in a previous post, GI Jane buzz cut was named after Demi Moore's GI Jane movie. Will I look like Demi when they buzz my hair off, looking gorgeous, or worse, will I look like Bruce Willis with a bald head?!?!?! LOL :D Right Bles? ;)
While at Truly You, I also bought a couple of head covers to give myself a break from wearing a wig at home and for sleeping. Not the most flattering things in the world but they will serve their purpose and put into use when the time comes.
I also met a lovely sweet couple, Allison and Gary, at the wig store. Allison is also a breast cancer patient like me and will start chemo next week. The big difference is she'll start chemo, then radiation and then the surgery. That's the first time I've heard of it, usually it is the other way around. Allison asked me if I had started chemo. I politely replied and said I started on Monday. Her jaw dropped when I told her that. She couldn't believe I'm up and running, on my feet looking for a wig right after my chemo. I explained that the worst three days were over and I tried my best to put some sort of normalcy in my life that's why I'm doing it. I had to do things the way I used to prior to chemo. Allison called her husband Gary and wanted him to see how good I look and how strong I am after chemo. Man oh man, I've never been more proud of myself! :D
So that started a long conversation with this nice couple, I knew more about them than I normally would on other people. I don't know these people at all but they were so proud of me.
Like I said before it is always nice to connect with other breast cancer patients. I felt really good knowing that I was able to help Allison and Gary in my own little way. I was able to appease their mind and calmed Allison's nerves. Allison and Gary were very thankful.
My Saturday continued with a late lunch at a dimsum restaurant - YUMMY! I went with Bles and my Mom. I'm glad my nausea was over! After lunch we went to a couple of stores and bought Filipino food/fruits, etc. That was a nice afternoon. Thanks ladies! And Bles, thanks for driving us around plus the food you've been cooking for me. My tummy says, salamat! :)
Tonight my in-laws and Emily, Mark's niece, dropped by for a visit. They just got back from their Mexico vacation last night (I'm jealous!). Well it was a nice visit and we managed to keep ourselves updated with my illness and their fabulous trip to Puerta Vallarta. Best part is my father-in-law invited us over for breakfast tomorrow. My kids have been bragging about Opa's "world's best pancakes" and I'll get to try these tomorrow.
Today was fun! :)
I love Saturdays!
I have been stuck in the house since Monday, moreso because I didn't have a choice, I was very ill and weak. Thursday morning was when it hit me. I had to get out of the house. So I asked Mark if we can go out for dinner with the family. I wanted a change of scenery, anywhere BUT the house, so we ate at Giggling Tomatoes. I chose this restaurant because it is close to where we live and not a lot of people go there to eat, usually for take-out. Lesser people means lesser risk of catching a virus. Hey, I have to be extra careful these days since my white blood count is at its lowest. One sneeze can cause an infection and I do not want that to happen. Anyway, the first round of chemo was not a piece of cake. But it wasn't too bad either. I got my appetite back, just got my groove back and next thing I'll know it's C time once again. Crap! It's a cycle I do not want to be in but I have no choice. I'm not looking forward to it.
I also looked forward to Saturday because I was going out with my girlfriend and my Mom to go to the wig shop. I received a call early this week that the wigs are ready for me to try on. So off we went to the wig store called "Truly You". Since I cut my hair short, the owner wasn't too happy that I did. Oops! Mainly because the stuff she ordered were longer and of different styles, plus it would also mean lesser ca-ching for her. Oh well, it's my life/my head, not hers.
Anyway, she only had two of the three samples she ordered. So I tried on both, the first was mediocre, it had the same colour as my hair and almost the same style, but it wasn't me. The second one, the colour was completely off, and the owner suggested that I stay away from that colour because my skin tone will change during chemo...it will?!?!?!....yikes! That one was out.
With my new short hair, I asked for samples similar to my current style. She brought in two but I only liked one, it is so similar to what my current hairstyle looks like especially when I fluffed it. Surreal! So I ordered that style, made a $200 downpayment and will come back to pick it up when I'm ready for my GI Jane buzz cut. Scary thought! ;) As I've said in a previous post, GI Jane buzz cut was named after Demi Moore's GI Jane movie. Will I look like Demi when they buzz my hair off, looking gorgeous, or worse, will I look like Bruce Willis with a bald head?!?!?! LOL :D Right Bles? ;)
While at Truly You, I also bought a couple of head covers to give myself a break from wearing a wig at home and for sleeping. Not the most flattering things in the world but they will serve their purpose and put into use when the time comes.
I also met a lovely sweet couple, Allison and Gary, at the wig store. Allison is also a breast cancer patient like me and will start chemo next week. The big difference is she'll start chemo, then radiation and then the surgery. That's the first time I've heard of it, usually it is the other way around. Allison asked me if I had started chemo. I politely replied and said I started on Monday. Her jaw dropped when I told her that. She couldn't believe I'm up and running, on my feet looking for a wig right after my chemo. I explained that the worst three days were over and I tried my best to put some sort of normalcy in my life that's why I'm doing it. I had to do things the way I used to prior to chemo. Allison called her husband Gary and wanted him to see how good I look and how strong I am after chemo. Man oh man, I've never been more proud of myself! :D
So that started a long conversation with this nice couple, I knew more about them than I normally would on other people. I don't know these people at all but they were so proud of me.
Like I said before it is always nice to connect with other breast cancer patients. I felt really good knowing that I was able to help Allison and Gary in my own little way. I was able to appease their mind and calmed Allison's nerves. Allison and Gary were very thankful.
My Saturday continued with a late lunch at a dimsum restaurant - YUMMY! I went with Bles and my Mom. I'm glad my nausea was over! After lunch we went to a couple of stores and bought Filipino food/fruits, etc. That was a nice afternoon. Thanks ladies! And Bles, thanks for driving us around plus the food you've been cooking for me. My tummy says, salamat! :)
Tonight my in-laws and Emily, Mark's niece, dropped by for a visit. They just got back from their Mexico vacation last night (I'm jealous!). Well it was a nice visit and we managed to keep ourselves updated with my illness and their fabulous trip to Puerta Vallarta. Best part is my father-in-law invited us over for breakfast tomorrow. My kids have been bragging about Opa's "world's best pancakes" and I'll get to try these tomorrow.
Today was fun! :)
I love Saturdays!
Friday, January 23, 2009
By George!
He can be my doctor ANYTIME!
I'll have chemo everyday if George asks me to! ;)How can you say no to that gorgeous face?
But reality hits and I'm stuck with Dr. K who treats me more like a statistic than a patient. Bummer!
(Photo from people.com)
Monday, January 19, 2009
There is a first time for everything...
As the saying goes, there's a first time for everything. And today, I experienced my first chemo. The actual treatment didn't hurt except for the prick of the needle where the IV was inserted.
Mark was there to support me. I'm glad he was there. I love you!
I shed some tears before going to the hospital because I was scared and while talking to the nurse when we talked about our kids. I'm extra sensitive when I talk about them. But I'm allowed to have these moments. Those tears didn't last very long. It helped when I saw George Clooney on Ellen. That was fun! :) Watching the show Ellen (and seeing George C) made me feel better and helped me forget that I had an IV on my left arm and poison entering my body. But I have the best guy in the world right beside me at the hospital, he's my George Clooney, my knight in shining armour and that's my husband, Mark. :)
After the last medicine was given I developed a mild headache, it felt more like pins and needles on the crown area. I asked Jessica, the nurse who helped me, if that was normal. She said it isn't so she consulted that oncologist on call, Dr. R. Normally the pins and needles sensation is felt on fingers/toes. Mine was on the head. I'm still experiencing it as I write this entry.
Dr. R said it is not because of the chemo because I just started. They think I'm developing something and I have to keep an eye on it. If it doesn't go away overnight I have to go to emergency for observation.
My temperature was also a bit high after the chemo was given, 37.9. Since the hospital visit it went down to 37.4. They told me if it goes higher than 38 i have to go to the hospital ASAP. My blood pressure on the other hand was normal.
Prayers do work. I prayed prior to chemo, during and after. I think it helped me with this first cycle. I don't feel anything YET. I'm starting to get weak. I'll take a nap soon. I took medications for vomitting/nausea and I think it is working. Good because I hate it. The side effects will happen in the next couple of days. I have to brace myself for that. More prayers and my family's love and support will help me get through it.
A nurse will come over to our house tomorrow at noon to inject Neulasta to my system. It will help my white blood cells. I hope it does because it is pretty darn expensive.
Well, as Mark said before we left the hospital, "one down and a few more to go". It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. But I'll see how my body will react in the next couple of days. We're meeting Dr. K on Feb 6th and also have some blood tests. My next chemo is February 9th.
Mark was there to support me. I'm glad he was there. I love you!
I shed some tears before going to the hospital because I was scared and while talking to the nurse when we talked about our kids. I'm extra sensitive when I talk about them. But I'm allowed to have these moments. Those tears didn't last very long. It helped when I saw George Clooney on Ellen. That was fun! :) Watching the show Ellen (and seeing George C) made me feel better and helped me forget that I had an IV on my left arm and poison entering my body. But I have the best guy in the world right beside me at the hospital, he's my George Clooney, my knight in shining armour and that's my husband, Mark. :)
After the last medicine was given I developed a mild headache, it felt more like pins and needles on the crown area. I asked Jessica, the nurse who helped me, if that was normal. She said it isn't so she consulted that oncologist on call, Dr. R. Normally the pins and needles sensation is felt on fingers/toes. Mine was on the head. I'm still experiencing it as I write this entry.
Dr. R said it is not because of the chemo because I just started. They think I'm developing something and I have to keep an eye on it. If it doesn't go away overnight I have to go to emergency for observation.
My temperature was also a bit high after the chemo was given, 37.9. Since the hospital visit it went down to 37.4. They told me if it goes higher than 38 i have to go to the hospital ASAP. My blood pressure on the other hand was normal.
Prayers do work. I prayed prior to chemo, during and after. I think it helped me with this first cycle. I don't feel anything YET. I'm starting to get weak. I'll take a nap soon. I took medications for vomitting/nausea and I think it is working. Good because I hate it. The side effects will happen in the next couple of days. I have to brace myself for that. More prayers and my family's love and support will help me get through it.
A nurse will come over to our house tomorrow at noon to inject Neulasta to my system. It will help my white blood cells. I hope it does because it is pretty darn expensive.
Well, as Mark said before we left the hospital, "one down and a few more to go". It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. But I'll see how my body will react in the next couple of days. We're meeting Dr. K on Feb 6th and also have some blood tests. My next chemo is February 9th.
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Kids say the nicest things...
Here's an excerpt of my late afternoon chit-chat with Joshua, our five year old son:
Joshua: Mommy you look different and your hair is too short!
Me: I know but one day I will lose my hair and I'll be bald. No hair at all.
Joshua: Aaaah! No hair? Hmm that's ok Mommy, I will still love you! (Then he kissed/hugged me)
Me: You are?
Joshua: Yes, Mommy, I will love you even if you don't have hair.
My heart melted and had to stop myself from crying. I smothered him with kisses.
Fast forward, kids going to bed:
Hugs... kisses....
Jason: Mommy, I love you very much!
Me: I love you too.
Jason: (Still hugging me and didn't want to let go) I love you so much Mommy!
Joshua: My turn, my turn. Hug Mommy, I love you too Mommy!
Me: I love you too.
These were the highlights of my day. :)
Joshua: Mommy you look different and your hair is too short!
Me: I know but one day I will lose my hair and I'll be bald. No hair at all.
Joshua: Aaaah! No hair? Hmm that's ok Mommy, I will still love you! (Then he kissed/hugged me)
Me: You are?
Joshua: Yes, Mommy, I will love you even if you don't have hair.
My heart melted and had to stop myself from crying. I smothered him with kisses.
Fast forward, kids going to bed:
Hugs... kisses....
Jason: Mommy, I love you very much!
Me: I love you too.
Jason: (Still hugging me and didn't want to let go) I love you so much Mommy!
Joshua: My turn, my turn. Hug Mommy, I love you too Mommy!
Me: I love you too.
These were the highlights of my day. :)
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Gifts galore
Beautiful gifts from beautiful people....
From my closest Filipino friends, you know who you are :)
Inspirational Books From Alda/Nene (L) and Alex/Ning (R)
One of the prettiest floral arrangements I've received in my life. 
From my closest Filipino friends, you know who you are :)
Inspirational Books From Alda/Nene (L) and Alex/Ning (R)
One of the prettiest floral arrangements I've received in my life.
I love the colours and the flowers (these are some of my favorites!)
This was from Maria, Amardeep and Janet (Mark's co-workers).
I haven't had the chance to meet you but this sweet gesture is deeply appreciated. :)
Hopefully I'll get to meet you one day and give you guys a big hug.
Thank you all for your thoughtfulness!
Hair today, gone tomorrow
Call it vanity insanity but I wanted to take pictures of myself with my hair still intact. I also wanted to show off my new hairdo! Ergo the snapshots. Jason and my mom took the pictures. I decided to get a haircut before chemo starts and voila... short hair! What do you think? I LOOOOVE it! Kudos to Helen, my stylist. The last time I had my hair this short was when I started dating Mark. It feels so light and so easy to manage.
Coming from a guy who loves women with long hair, Mark said I look younger and he doesn't mind it. My kids were surprised how short it is and one of them said I look so different.
Too bad I won't have it for long, thanks to chemo. But one things for sure, I'll try to get the same style when my hair grows back in six months or so. :D
Next time I'll take a picture of myself wearing the wig.......... MAYBE!
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Thoughts....
Five days...four nights... and before I know it, it's chemo time (gulp!) Time flies.... January 19, 2009
My stress-o-meter is going up, up, up....
Average cost of breast cancer treatment per year in the States ....$300,000
Average cost of doing additional tests (alternative medicine)....$1,200
Average cost of synthetic wig....$700
Average cost of seeing a doctor....$160
Average cost of parking per hospital visit.... $12
Wishing for a FULL day of NOT even thinking or stressing about my illness.... PRICELESS!
My stress-o-meter is going up, up, up....
Average cost of breast cancer treatment per year in the States ....$300,000
Average cost of doing additional tests (alternative medicine)....$1,200
Average cost of synthetic wig....$700
Average cost of seeing a doctor....$160
Average cost of parking per hospital visit.... $12
Wishing for a FULL day of NOT even thinking or stressing about my illness.... PRICELESS!
Monday, January 12, 2009
It's official
Well folks, it's official, my very first chemo session starts on Monday, January 19th at 9:30 a.m. Am I excited? A big fat N-O! But am I ready for it? Absolutely. Or at least I would like to think so. ;)
So what lies ahead? Tick, tock, tick, tock....
So what lies ahead? Tick, tock, tick, tock....
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Coping with the big "C"
It is the last thing you want to hear your doctor say - that you have cancer. I'd never wish this to happen to anybody else. It is terrifying, overwhelming and shocking. You feel depressed, sorry for yourself, stressed and frankly you value your life more than ever.
Doctors can only tell you facts from a medical point of view. They're very straight forward, blunt or cold. But not all doctors are like that. If you are lucky enough your doctor can be warm, personable, caring and kind. Dr. P, my surgeon, seems to be the latter type but Dr. K, my oncologist, feels like the former type. Dr. C, my family physician, is somewhere in between.
So what do you do after hearing the bad news? After hearing the horrific news, panic and fear sets in. I cried almost everyday for almost three weeks. Why me? What did I do to deserve this? All I can think of are my two young sons, ages 8 and 5. They are so young! I'm too young to die!!!! I'm terrified of chemo! What if I lose my hair? A million questions ran through my head. I couldn't believe I have it. After the denial, comes acceptance. I finally accepted I have this disease, tried my best to be positive and to be in good spirits and surrendered myself to God. I have my good and bad days. I've accepted that the cancer is one of the challenges in life. I just have to face it one way or the other, taking it one step at a time.
One way of coping with the big "C" is writing a journal. I have done that through this blog and it feels good to write about it. It's a way of releasing my thoughts about the whole thing. Another way to cope with the big "C" is to talk to other cancer patients or survivors. I found out that talking to breast cancer survivors is different. They were able to answer questions I had that my doctors couldn't. They know exactly what I'm going through, they care, show their support and encourage you.
A co-worker suggested that I go to a local cancer centre in our area. I did. I met Sandra, a peer counsellor at the centre. Mark came with me. Sandra is a breast cancer survivor. I told her my fears, doubts and how I feel about the whole cancer thing. I cried, laugh and felt relaxed while we had our session. Sandra told me what happened to her and understood what I'm going through. Sandra told me that having breast cancer is curable and it is the easiest cancer to have. She encouraged me to continue living my life the way I used to before I was diagnosed. Sandra told me to take everything one step at a time. It was such a positive experience, an eye-opener and I felt like a big weight was lifted off my shoulders.
Since then I've been in touch with other breast cancer patients introduced to me by family and friends. Talked to former co-workers who are breast cancer survivors.
Last week I went to my first breast cancer peer support group. I wasn't sure what to expect from the group but I'm glad I did go. I knew deep inside me that I need it especially that my chemo treatment is fast approaching.
Yikes! That is correct, my first chemo treatment is just around the corner. We'll know for sure on Monday when it will start. It could be right after meeting my oncologist, a day or two or the following week.
So what's next? Look for a wig. One friend at work was almost in tears when I told her what I'm doing this weekend. She treats me like a sister and she's just amazed how well I'm coping with it. I told her I didn't want any tears but this is something I have to face before my hair starts to fall.
I mentioned in another blog entry that my girlfriend and I went wig shopping last weekend. Well the ladies from the peer support group almost had a heart attack when I told them I went to regular wig shops at the malls. They told me I have to go to Truly You, a wig specialty shop in Mississauga. So I called the place and made an appointment Saturday afternoon. Well I'm glad I took their advice. It was a heck of a lot different from the regular mom and pop wig stores from the malls. Now I know why the ladies recommended this place to me. My girlfriend, Bles, agrees. The owner, Amalia, was a pro, specialized in wigs and working with cancer patients. She took her time explained to me what will happen and what they can do to help me during this difficult time. I tried on a few wigs. Short, long, mid-size and different styles of wigs. Light coloured hair doesn't suit me at all! ;) After going through a few styles we finally narrowed it down to three. I could not believe how similar these three "chosen" wigs are to my own hair. I cannot wait to see what the final products will be. Amalia will order the styles and the right colour. We'll see it in 15 days. I am excited!
So tomorrow is "the" day, our meeting with my oncologist. Chemo will start sooner or later. There is no backing out now.
This week I'll get a haircut, cut it short!!! Snip, snip and goodbye chin-length hair. It will grow back but losing hair with a shorter hairstyle won't be as traumatic if you have longer hair. And if everything else starts to fall Amalia will give me a G.I. Jane cut and buzz all my hair. :) They call it GI Jane based from Demi Moore's old movie. I just hope I'll look as beautiful as Demi when Amalia buzzes my hair. But I don't think so! ;)
Doctors can only tell you facts from a medical point of view. They're very straight forward, blunt or cold. But not all doctors are like that. If you are lucky enough your doctor can be warm, personable, caring and kind. Dr. P, my surgeon, seems to be the latter type but Dr. K, my oncologist, feels like the former type. Dr. C, my family physician, is somewhere in between.
So what do you do after hearing the bad news? After hearing the horrific news, panic and fear sets in. I cried almost everyday for almost three weeks. Why me? What did I do to deserve this? All I can think of are my two young sons, ages 8 and 5. They are so young! I'm too young to die!!!! I'm terrified of chemo! What if I lose my hair? A million questions ran through my head. I couldn't believe I have it. After the denial, comes acceptance. I finally accepted I have this disease, tried my best to be positive and to be in good spirits and surrendered myself to God. I have my good and bad days. I've accepted that the cancer is one of the challenges in life. I just have to face it one way or the other, taking it one step at a time.
One way of coping with the big "C" is writing a journal. I have done that through this blog and it feels good to write about it. It's a way of releasing my thoughts about the whole thing. Another way to cope with the big "C" is to talk to other cancer patients or survivors. I found out that talking to breast cancer survivors is different. They were able to answer questions I had that my doctors couldn't. They know exactly what I'm going through, they care, show their support and encourage you.
A co-worker suggested that I go to a local cancer centre in our area. I did. I met Sandra, a peer counsellor at the centre. Mark came with me. Sandra is a breast cancer survivor. I told her my fears, doubts and how I feel about the whole cancer thing. I cried, laugh and felt relaxed while we had our session. Sandra told me what happened to her and understood what I'm going through. Sandra told me that having breast cancer is curable and it is the easiest cancer to have. She encouraged me to continue living my life the way I used to before I was diagnosed. Sandra told me to take everything one step at a time. It was such a positive experience, an eye-opener and I felt like a big weight was lifted off my shoulders.
Since then I've been in touch with other breast cancer patients introduced to me by family and friends. Talked to former co-workers who are breast cancer survivors.
Last week I went to my first breast cancer peer support group. I wasn't sure what to expect from the group but I'm glad I did go. I knew deep inside me that I need it especially that my chemo treatment is fast approaching.
Yikes! That is correct, my first chemo treatment is just around the corner. We'll know for sure on Monday when it will start. It could be right after meeting my oncologist, a day or two or the following week.
So what's next? Look for a wig. One friend at work was almost in tears when I told her what I'm doing this weekend. She treats me like a sister and she's just amazed how well I'm coping with it. I told her I didn't want any tears but this is something I have to face before my hair starts to fall.
I mentioned in another blog entry that my girlfriend and I went wig shopping last weekend. Well the ladies from the peer support group almost had a heart attack when I told them I went to regular wig shops at the malls. They told me I have to go to Truly You, a wig specialty shop in Mississauga. So I called the place and made an appointment Saturday afternoon. Well I'm glad I took their advice. It was a heck of a lot different from the regular mom and pop wig stores from the malls. Now I know why the ladies recommended this place to me. My girlfriend, Bles, agrees. The owner, Amalia, was a pro, specialized in wigs and working with cancer patients. She took her time explained to me what will happen and what they can do to help me during this difficult time. I tried on a few wigs. Short, long, mid-size and different styles of wigs. Light coloured hair doesn't suit me at all! ;) After going through a few styles we finally narrowed it down to three. I could not believe how similar these three "chosen" wigs are to my own hair. I cannot wait to see what the final products will be. Amalia will order the styles and the right colour. We'll see it in 15 days. I am excited!
So tomorrow is "the" day, our meeting with my oncologist. Chemo will start sooner or later. There is no backing out now.
This week I'll get a haircut, cut it short!!! Snip, snip and goodbye chin-length hair. It will grow back but losing hair with a shorter hairstyle won't be as traumatic if you have longer hair. And if everything else starts to fall Amalia will give me a G.I. Jane cut and buzz all my hair. :) They call it GI Jane based from Demi Moore's old movie. I just hope I'll look as beautiful as Demi when Amalia buzzes my hair. But I don't think so! ;)
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Think Positive!
T - This is a tough time for me but I will remain
H - Happy and hopeful as I can be.
I - I will try to live my life as
N - Normal as possible
K - Knowing that my family and friends are all behind me.
P - Prayers, prayers and more prayers keeps me going because I know
O - Our Lord God will not forsake me.
S - Sure I will have my ups and downs during this phase but
I - I know
T - This is temporary and a test that I must face.
I - I believe I will be a survivor!
V - Very victorious,
E - Elated, extremely happy and hopefully cancer-free when I finish this race. :)
H - Happy and hopeful as I can be.
I - I will try to live my life as
N - Normal as possible
K - Knowing that my family and friends are all behind me.
P - Prayers, prayers and more prayers keeps me going because I know
O - Our Lord God will not forsake me.
S - Sure I will have my ups and downs during this phase but
I - I know
T - This is temporary and a test that I must face.
I - I believe I will be a survivor!
V - Very victorious,
E - Elated, extremely happy and hopefully cancer-free when I finish this race. :)
Saturday, January 3, 2009
And away "wig"-o on a "bone" chilling day....
Today was a big day for me, I had a complete bone scan this morning and went shopping for wigs this afternoon.
The bone scan was not as intimidating as I thought it would be. Last night I read a lot of stuff about having a bone scan and saw that a radiation substance will be injected into my arm. My anxiety level went up because the idea of having another radiation substance enter my body was very scary. I am still traumatized with the four radiation shots I had before my lumpectomy! They didn't give anything to freeze the nipple area and those suckers hurt like hell!!!! I felt the dye going in my breast slowly but surely with a burning feeling. Yikes!!! It is something I never want to experience EVER again!
Anyway back to the bone scan, I arrived at the hospital with two minutes to spare before my 8:45 a.m. appointment. Rob, the technician, was very friendly and assured me it won't hurt a thing, he was right. It was completely painless!!!! Whew! I lied down on a scanning thingamabob that looked like a piece from Star Trek! Rob injected the radioactive tracer substance into my left arm. He took a couple of "shots" and asked me to come back in two hours. As instructed, I drank lots of liquid, peed as much as I could to get rid of any of the radioactive substance that does not collect in in my bones. I had two hours to kill. So I stayed in the hospital, read, drank coffee, read, drank water, pee, read, drank water, pee, etcetera, etcetera. The actual bone scanning took place around 11:15 a.m., the longest scanning took 20 minutes and three additional "shots" at five minutes each. And that was it! Pain free. :)
Next, wig-shopping! I called my girlfriend, Bles, and asked if she can help find a wig store in our area. I needed a second opinion and it should be with a close friend. And away wig-o ;) (grin).
Bles and I went to two-three places and we only liked one. It's a wig store close to where we live. The husband and wife team who owns the store made us feel welcome and they were very nice. I explained to them about my situation and they helped us a lot! I must admit I was a bit nervous shopping for wigs. Losing my hair to chemo is one of my biggest fears. Looking for a wig is daunting. Will I look good? Will I feel good? What style should I get? Can people tell the difference if I'm wearing a wig or not? Short? Long? Chin-length? Black hair? Brown hair? Blonde hair (not!) ;) Questions that's been on my mind since I was diagnosed.
I'm really glad I asked Bles to go with me because she made that daunting experience into a fun one. We laughed and giggled like we were two little girls playing dress up. :) I was more relaxed and enjoyed our wig hunting.
I tried a few wig samples they had in the store and was quite surprised with the quality of the wigs - they felt almost like real hair. But one things for sure, no bangs for me!!!! Scary sight! ;)
I'm still in the process of finding a reliable wig store. Another friend of mine at work prepared a list where I can find a wig. Let's hope I can get one before my chemo starts. On second thought, I have to have one soon!!!!
What comes next? Check my benefits if my company covers purchasing a wig for medical purposes. I sure hope so because wigs are not cheap at all, especially the human hair type. I'll find out soon enough, I'm going back to work on Monday.
The bone scan was not as intimidating as I thought it would be. Last night I read a lot of stuff about having a bone scan and saw that a radiation substance will be injected into my arm. My anxiety level went up because the idea of having another radiation substance enter my body was very scary. I am still traumatized with the four radiation shots I had before my lumpectomy! They didn't give anything to freeze the nipple area and those suckers hurt like hell!!!! I felt the dye going in my breast slowly but surely with a burning feeling. Yikes!!! It is something I never want to experience EVER again!
Anyway back to the bone scan, I arrived at the hospital with two minutes to spare before my 8:45 a.m. appointment. Rob, the technician, was very friendly and assured me it won't hurt a thing, he was right. It was completely painless!!!! Whew! I lied down on a scanning thingamabob that looked like a piece from Star Trek! Rob injected the radioactive tracer substance into my left arm. He took a couple of "shots" and asked me to come back in two hours. As instructed, I drank lots of liquid, peed as much as I could to get rid of any of the radioactive substance that does not collect in in my bones. I had two hours to kill. So I stayed in the hospital, read, drank coffee, read, drank water, pee, read, drank water, pee, etcetera, etcetera. The actual bone scanning took place around 11:15 a.m., the longest scanning took 20 minutes and three additional "shots" at five minutes each. And that was it! Pain free. :)
Next, wig-shopping! I called my girlfriend, Bles, and asked if she can help find a wig store in our area. I needed a second opinion and it should be with a close friend. And away wig-o ;) (grin).
Bles and I went to two-three places and we only liked one. It's a wig store close to where we live. The husband and wife team who owns the store made us feel welcome and they were very nice. I explained to them about my situation and they helped us a lot! I must admit I was a bit nervous shopping for wigs. Losing my hair to chemo is one of my biggest fears. Looking for a wig is daunting. Will I look good? Will I feel good? What style should I get? Can people tell the difference if I'm wearing a wig or not? Short? Long? Chin-length? Black hair? Brown hair? Blonde hair (not!) ;) Questions that's been on my mind since I was diagnosed.
I'm really glad I asked Bles to go with me because she made that daunting experience into a fun one. We laughed and giggled like we were two little girls playing dress up. :) I was more relaxed and enjoyed our wig hunting.
I tried a few wig samples they had in the store and was quite surprised with the quality of the wigs - they felt almost like real hair. But one things for sure, no bangs for me!!!! Scary sight! ;)
I'm still in the process of finding a reliable wig store. Another friend of mine at work prepared a list where I can find a wig. Let's hope I can get one before my chemo starts. On second thought, I have to have one soon!!!!
What comes next? Check my benefits if my company covers purchasing a wig for medical purposes. I sure hope so because wigs are not cheap at all, especially the human hair type. I'll find out soon enough, I'm going back to work on Monday.
Friday, January 2, 2009
Me and my boys
Just for kicks! ;) At least I know how it feels to sleep with George and Brad even if it is only in a picture. mwahahahahahahahaha...
Another Day
Another day, another angst! I hope not.
Today I hope I'll have a better day than yesterday. :- But who knows what lies ahead.
I'm meeting another breast cancer patient this afternoon. Apparently this lady is in the same boat as I am - diagnosed, had surgery, saw the oncologist pretty much the same time as I did. So it will be interesting what we will be talking about this afternoon. This was set-up by my mother-in-law, she's friends with the lady's mom. I guess in a way it is a way of coping with cancer by talking to other patients or survivors. So we'll see how it goes...
Tonight, my hubby is taking me out for a much needed break - a dinner date and a movie! :) Don't know where we are having dinner yet but I think we are watching Brad Pitt's movie - "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button". We heard a lot of good things about the movie plus it also received a few Golden Globe nominations. I just hope it is not boring but at least I get to see Brad Pitt ;)
Thursday, January 1, 2009
Fight against Breast Cancer
Whoa! My first blog ever!
I've been recently diagnosed with breast cancer. A few people suggested that I start a journal to cope with my illness. So I'll give it a try.
It has been a roller coaster ride the past two months, mentally and emotionally. I requested a mammo just for the heck of it and for my peace of mind. This was in June 2008 and results came out negative. Woohoo! But hold your horses, first week of October I accidentally bumped my breast while taking a shower and felt a lump. Saw my doctor, Dr. C. She requested an ultrasound and voila, the results was suspicious. Ergo I was referred to a surgeon for further testing. Met the surgeon, Dr. P, had a biopsy and a week after he confirmed my worst fear, I have breast cancer (BC), invasive ductal carcinoma (IDC) and believed to be the most common type of breast cancer for women. Lucky me (not!).
I had a hunch it was BC but hearing him say it was so numbing, I was at a loss for words. I cried buckets and Dr. P asked me if I'm ok. What the heck? Of course I wasn't ok, I just received THE most devastating news in my life. Anyway, it took me more than two weeks for the bad news to sink in. I was so depressed and shocked. But my outlook changed after I surrendered myself to God and talked to other BC survivors. I had a lumpectomy on Dec 9th and all my doctors said I'm healing well. Three lymph nodes + the tumor were removed. The biggest node tested negative for cancer.
My husband and I met our oncologist, Dr. K, on Dec 30th. Dr. K said all three lymph nodes were tested negative for cancer but he said the nodes have to be tested further to clearly identify if they are cancer free. I was hoping against hope that he will tell me I will only need radiation but lost that thought when Dr. K said he's recommending three types of treatment for me: chemo, radiation and hormonal therapy. Then I stupidly agreed to look at a chart to see my chances of survival based on a ten-year period: no treatment at all gave me a 30.1% of dying and if I do, my chances of dying goes down to 20%. Dr. K said the stats are based on the medical studies, American medical journals or whatever and is just a guide. Since meeting Dr. K all I can think of is the percentage of me dying. I am normally a positive person but continually thinking about that "D rate" makes me depressed :( All I can think of are my kids!!!! But one of my girlfriends told me my kids should be my source of inspiration. To continue fighting this disease. Easier said than done.
I'm about to take a series of tests to make sure the cancer hasn't spread to any parts of my body. A complete bone scan is scheduled for Saturday. Another stressful time!!! What if it has?!?!?!?! God I hope not! My chemo starts mid or late January!
My anxiety is at its all time high. Not good considering I have hypertension.
I've been recently diagnosed with breast cancer. A few people suggested that I start a journal to cope with my illness. So I'll give it a try.
It has been a roller coaster ride the past two months, mentally and emotionally. I requested a mammo just for the heck of it and for my peace of mind. This was in June 2008 and results came out negative. Woohoo! But hold your horses, first week of October I accidentally bumped my breast while taking a shower and felt a lump. Saw my doctor, Dr. C. She requested an ultrasound and voila, the results was suspicious. Ergo I was referred to a surgeon for further testing. Met the surgeon, Dr. P, had a biopsy and a week after he confirmed my worst fear, I have breast cancer (BC), invasive ductal carcinoma (IDC) and believed to be the most common type of breast cancer for women. Lucky me (not!).
I had a hunch it was BC but hearing him say it was so numbing, I was at a loss for words. I cried buckets and Dr. P asked me if I'm ok. What the heck? Of course I wasn't ok, I just received THE most devastating news in my life. Anyway, it took me more than two weeks for the bad news to sink in. I was so depressed and shocked. But my outlook changed after I surrendered myself to God and talked to other BC survivors. I had a lumpectomy on Dec 9th and all my doctors said I'm healing well. Three lymph nodes + the tumor were removed. The biggest node tested negative for cancer.
My husband and I met our oncologist, Dr. K, on Dec 30th. Dr. K said all three lymph nodes were tested negative for cancer but he said the nodes have to be tested further to clearly identify if they are cancer free. I was hoping against hope that he will tell me I will only need radiation but lost that thought when Dr. K said he's recommending three types of treatment for me: chemo, radiation and hormonal therapy. Then I stupidly agreed to look at a chart to see my chances of survival based on a ten-year period: no treatment at all gave me a 30.1% of dying and if I do, my chances of dying goes down to 20%. Dr. K said the stats are based on the medical studies, American medical journals or whatever and is just a guide. Since meeting Dr. K all I can think of is the percentage of me dying. I am normally a positive person but continually thinking about that "D rate" makes me depressed :( All I can think of are my kids!!!! But one of my girlfriends told me my kids should be my source of inspiration. To continue fighting this disease. Easier said than done.
I'm about to take a series of tests to make sure the cancer hasn't spread to any parts of my body. A complete bone scan is scheduled for Saturday. Another stressful time!!! What if it has?!?!?!?! God I hope not! My chemo starts mid or late January!
My anxiety is at its all time high. Not good considering I have hypertension.
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