My better half

I just finished reading a book which Sarah lent me. Libby Znaimer wrote this book titled "In Cancer Land". It's Libby Znaimer's no holds barred story how she dealt with breast cancer. I felt the pain she went through because I'm going through the same ordeal she had. I also found more possible side effects, more than what I wanted to know. It is an informative book but I have mixed feelings about it, more good than bad.

One chapter in the book is called "Cancer and the Spouse". This section explained how her husband dealt with her illness. She also interviewed other men whose wives had or have breast cancer. After reading that section, it occured to me that I never asked how Mark is coping with my illness. So I did. Mark said he finds it really hard but he's been very strong and taking everything one day at a time. Wow. I should've asked him a long time ago.


I know for a fact that after I was diagnosed with breast cancer he said that cancer picked the wrong family. He's not going to let cancer ruin our life without a fight. When he said that I knew he will be my rock and will always be there for me through this ordeal. So in his own little way, Mark did everything to find out about my illness. Searched the internet to no end. Mark is now like a walking encyclopedia with full of information about breast cancer. He has so much information that it came to a point that I was overwhelmed with what he knew or what he has told me so far. Mark said he didn't tell me everything he has learned or found out because he knows for a fact it will stress me out. He is right. It came to a point when I had to beg him to stop feeding me the information. It stressed me out even more.

Mark's also "pushed the envelope" a couple of times. As a result of his research he asked me to eat certain food, take some vitamins and consider alternative medicine, stuff I would never even consider. To please him I did. I ate food I never ate before, took vitamins to help my immune system or improve my chances of survival and I even agreed to see a homeopathic doctor.

Dr. K put an end to the vitamins/supplements because it might interfere with my treatment. I was relieved when he said that. I continued to eat/drink healthy choices and I'm glad Mark pushed me to do this because I like it. Now Mark's into everything organic. It is expensive and I can't taste the difference betweeen organic and non-organic. But that was my limit I did not agree to do further homeopathic testing. I just do not believe in it.

I know that he's doing all these because Mark loves me. But information overload about my illness and asking me to do stuff against my will were too much for me. It's not that I'm ignoring my illness. How can I? I have it and I think about it ALL the time. But knowing Mark, he wants the best for me and expects me to fight this disease like a true warrior, to fight it to the end. He said I am very important to our family. :)

Mark's also been my note-taker, like a sponge, he takes in all the information that my doctors told me. My mind's a mess every time we see a doctor. I rely on his skills to remember everything. Like the time when we met Dr. P and he confirmed my worst fears. All the questions I had were thrown out of the window. Everything was a blur but Mark was there for me and asked the pertinent questions. :)


Like any other married couple, we've had our disagreements and don't see eye to eye on all things. But Mark's been tremendously supportive since I was diagnosed. Frankly I don't know what I would do without him. He knows when to comfort me, asking me everyday how I feel, gives me the space I need when I need it and a whole lot more. With Mark I can let my guard down and he still loves me for who I am. What more can I say but I love him even more. :)

BTW, I am proud to say that Mark has not smoked a cigarette in a month (and counting)!!! WOW!!! Knowing him this is quite a struggle but he's trying his best. Quitting smoking was his decision, he has to practice what he preach and that is healthy living. :)