Last night while I was getting ready to go to a party, our son Josh walked right in our bedroom to tell me something and stopped right on his tracks when he saw my bald head. I was caught off guard, all I could do was cover my head with my arms and told him to get out of the room. I think he was quite shocked to see my head with no wig or head cover that he ran out of the room as soon as he could shouting "Ah Mommy's bald! I saw Mommy's bald head." I couldn't tell if he was excited or scared.
A few seconds later Jason came running to our room to see for himself what I look like. He was disappointed to see I wore a hat. So to please him I lifted my hat a wee bit to show my bald head. Same reaction, he ran out of our bedroom.
I had mixed emotions after it happened - hurt because I didn't want them to see my bald head; relieved because they finally saw it; scared because I'm not sure what they were thinking when they saw me; and, mad because I wasn't careful enough to lock the door. My mind was running wild. I've been dreading these scenarios to happen since I lost my hair and it finally did.
I didn't want our sons to see my bald head because it is a sign that I am really sick. It might scare them more, especially Jason who's older and has a better understanding if something is wrong or not. Jason's the one who's been asking me when I will start feeling better, he wants a definite answer when exactly it will be. Now that they've seen it, will their fears get worse?
Whatever worries I had after the "oops" moment, Joshua came running back to our bedroom to tell me "I still love you Mommy!" and gave me hugs and kisses. My heart melted. And Jason? Knowing him it might take awhile for that "oops" moment to sink in but I did notice that he was constantly by my side at the party last night. I guess that's his way of saying "It's okay Mommy".
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