"Ah, it will only be bone pain!" That's what my doctors told me when the second phase of my chemo started. It's as if it were like a regular headache or back pain that will go away after you take Tylenol or Advil. So there I was expecting the last three chemos will be easier than the first. WEEEEELLLLL!!!! It hit me like a ton of bricks. The pain was like nothing I've felt before and it lasts a few days.
The fourth chemo not only gave me the worst pain I've ever had but it also took me to the ER twice. And the chemo I had last week, well let's just say I'm still experiencing pain from that one. And it feels like it's worse than the fourth chemo. I cannot explain what the pain feels like. Giving birth is nothing compared to this.
I think the chemo is finally taking a toll on me - emotionally, physically, mentally, pyschologically, the works. It is hard knowing that I can't do anything right after chemo because I'm weak and in pain. And I'm really struggling with the current one. If you add sore tongue, upset stomach, heartburn, being bald, losing your eyebrows and eyelashes, feeling sorry for yourself, dizziness/lightheadedness or half of your finger/toenails have discoloured almost completely, to the equation, how would you feel? It is nerve-wracking! It is depressing!!!!
Family and friends have been telling me at least there's only one more to go. Easy for you to say but so hard for me to do. It is torture. Sure the doctors gave me pain medications like Tylenol 3 or Percocet but they do nothing for me except give me a good night sleep. The bone pains are still there when I wake up.
I tried my best to do errands yesterday and today and fight the pain but my body was telling me otherwise. I paid the price as soon as I got home - weak and in pain.
When will this pain end? When? I hope it goes soon, at least for this cycle.
One more to go.... and I hope it never, ever comes back!
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