Two agonizing days

I got a call from Dr. A's office late yesterday afternoon. His assistant's exact words were: "we got the biopsy results back and Dr. A wants to see you as soon as possible". Oh shit! My heart started to pound uncontrollably and I tried to hold back my tears. It's like deja vu when Dr. P's assistant called me to see him right away. I was a mess at work. It's like my world stood still for a couple of minutes. What now? It didn't help that I was already stressed at work.

I emailed my hubby right away about the news. I was panicking. He tried to calm me down, said think positive thoughts since we don't have a clue what is on my palate. I was a nervous wreck at work.

When I came home I lost my composure. Broke down into tears as soon as I was in our bedroom. I'm scared! I'm terrified! Anxiety level sky-rocketed. It was like re-living my worst nightmare. I am such a worry wart. Anyway, after crying for at least half an hour, I felt numb, like I was in a zone. Somehow I managed to get my composure back and put on a brave face for my kids. It is so hard to look calm/collected in front of them when in fact the inner me is in torture and very anxious.

"THE" day will be this Monday at 4:30 pm. Two agonizing days before I'll know what I have. Hubby will be with me for moral support. I think I will need all the support I can get come Monday afternoon, it can't come any sooner. Wish me luck.