I have been reflecting on the gospel last Sunday it said something like, 'do not worry about tomorrow, as tomorrow brings fear'. It hit the nail right on the head. It is so true especially for me. I am such worrywart that I always tend to overthink things particularly with my health. What lies ahead, the what ifs, what could happen, etcetera. But can you blame me after all that I've been through?
The biopsy and ultrasound scheduled for tomorrow morning has been on my mind constantly for the past two weeks. I am so scared of what they might find tomorrow. Will it be another setback? Will I be prepared for the worst? Thinking of what could happen causes such anxiety.
The priest said savor the time you have right now, enjoy the moment and live everything to God. And so I've learned to take things one at a time. I trained myself to not even think more than an hour from now. Take things in stride and live for the moment. This is what's helping me get through these past couple of weeks, not worry about what might happen next. I've also learned to count my blessings. Friends sent bible verses or daily scriptures recently and all messages are the same, leave everything to God, ask and you will receive, seek and you shall find, knock and a door will open for you, and most of all God knows what's best for us especially if it will be good for our soul.
I've also been praying for the best. Praying for strength, inner peace and lately to remove the fear I have in me in the days to come. Each time I feel the strength and inner peace within me, I give thanks to the Lord for answering my prayers. When I sense that the fear I have is subsiding, it feels good and again give thanks to God.
Right now I can feel my anxiety rising because tomorrow is a big day. I cannot concentrate nor can I relax. I can feel butterflies in my tummy. I feel dizzy, overwhelmed and I am anxious. This is the real me. BUT... I need to psych myself...I need to concentrate that something good will come out of it... Pray to calm my nerves... Pray for strength... Think positive... After all, who knows what tomorrow might bring?
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