Have I mentioned yet how much I hate this?

Chemo cycle, you gotta hate it! This time around it took me five long agonizing days to recover from this despicable cycle.

I knew it was going to be bad even before the chemo started. Right from the get go, I was nauseous and I wasn't prepared mentally! Then I could not even drink water because it made my tummy churn. Close to the end of the chemo, I was required to take ice chips to prevent mouth sores. The taste of plain ice chips was unbearable and made me want to throw up!! It was too much! I cried a few times at the hospital because the chemo hurt and I could not stand the metal taste in my mouth. That plus the pins and needles I felt on my crown were overwhelming. Dear God! I prayed for strength so hard that day.

So as expected it took me awhile to recover. There wasn't a lot of vomitting this time but definitely nausea was the name of the game. Loss of appetite, sensitivity to scents, fatigue, chills, dizziness and hot flashes were also in full force. On the third night I thought I had my appetite back, so I had dinner with the family, something that doesn't happen when I'm recovering from chemo. Well so much for that, not even a minute after I finished eating my meal did I throw up everything. Gross!

Fourth day I suddenly sweat like crazy late in the afternoon. I was so hot. I tried to take off my sweater and regretted doing it because I felt cold and was shivering like crazy. OMG! My temperature was 37.5 celsius. Thank God, no fever! But what the heck happened? I don't know. I was just glad I didn't have the fever. Good news was at least I was able to eat some dinner with the family. :)

Yesterday I was still nauseous but started to feel a little better than the previous days. I was quite excited to be back to my normal self but ended up not doing much. Dizziness struck me and it was not fun. But one positive thing was I had a craving for food and that's a sign I'm on the road to recovery. Woohoo! I craved for one type of food and my girlfriend delivered it to our house! I was quite happy, thanks Z! Since I was dizzy yesterday I did not even dare drive anywhere. So B graciously offered to drive me to Wal-mart to buy presents for Josh's friend. At least it gave me the chance to get out of the house.

But with the recovery comes a wee bit of depression. What do you expect? I couldn't do much, I was useless and had no control of what's happening to me. I don't look really sick but I hated the way I looked especially right after chemo while recovering. No hair, no make-up and I miss dressing up. I don't even feel like a woman. For me it was depressing. I needed a good cry and I needed a shoulder to cry on. Mark was there for me. He consoled and comforted me. Mark knew the right words to say and it made me feel better. I guess that's what I needed to do - to cry and release the angst that is within me.

Today I think I have completely recovered from Cycle 3 and feel so much better. I was able to drive Josh to his friend's birthday party at Chuck E Cheese, drive my Mom to Winner's and do a little bit of shopping myself. :)

I have two glorious chemo-free weeks to look forward to (hopefully!) and I treasure those weeks like no other. A period where, for the most part, I feel normal, get to mingle with family/friends and do regular stuff. Two more weeks before the next cycle, have I mentioned yet how much I hate it?