Fight against Breast Cancer

Whoa! My first blog ever!

I've been recently diagnosed with breast cancer. A few people suggested that I start a journal to cope with my illness. So I'll give it a try.

It has been a roller coaster ride the past two months, mentally and emotionally. I requested a mammo just for the heck of it and for my peace of mind. This was in June 2008 and results came out negative. Woohoo! But hold your horses, first week of October I accidentally bumped my breast while taking a shower and felt a lump. Saw my doctor, Dr. C. She requested an ultrasound and voila, the results was suspicious. Ergo I was referred to a surgeon for further testing. Met the surgeon, Dr. P, had a biopsy and a week after he confirmed my worst fear, I have breast cancer (BC), invasive ductal carcinoma (IDC) and believed to be the most common type of breast cancer for women. Lucky me (not!).

I had a hunch it was BC but hearing him say it was so numbing, I was at a loss for words. I cried buckets and Dr. P asked me if I'm ok. What the heck? Of course I wasn't ok, I just received THE most devastating news in my life. Anyway, it took me more than two weeks for the bad news to sink in. I was so depressed and shocked. But my outlook changed after I surrendered myself to God and talked to other BC survivors. I had a lumpectomy on Dec 9th and all my doctors said I'm healing well. Three lymph nodes + the tumor were removed. The biggest node tested negative for cancer.

My husband and I met our oncologist, Dr. K, on Dec 30th. Dr. K said all three lymph nodes were tested negative for cancer but he said the nodes have to be tested further to clearly identify if they are cancer free. I was hoping against hope that he will tell me I will only need radiation but lost that thought when Dr. K said he's recommending three types of treatment for me: chemo, radiation and hormonal therapy. Then I stupidly agreed to look at a chart to see my chances of survival based on a ten-year period: no treatment at all gave me a 30.1% of dying and if I do, my chances of dying goes down to 20%. Dr. K said the stats are based on the medical studies, American medical journals or whatever and is just a guide. Since meeting Dr. K all I can think of is the percentage of me dying. I am normally a positive person but continually thinking about that "D rate" makes me depressed :( All I can think of are my kids!!!! But one of my girlfriends told me my kids should be my source of inspiration. To continue fighting this disease. Easier said than done.

I'm about to take a series of tests to make sure the cancer hasn't spread to any parts of my body. A complete bone scan is scheduled for Saturday. Another stressful time!!! What if it has?!?!?!?! God I hope not! My chemo starts mid or late January!

My anxiety is at its all time high. Not good considering I have hypertension.