Coping with the big "C"

It is the last thing you want to hear your doctor say - that you have cancer. I'd never wish this to happen to anybody else. It is terrifying, overwhelming and shocking. You feel depressed, sorry for yourself, stressed and frankly you value your life more than ever.

Doctors can only tell you facts from a medical point of view. They're very straight forward, blunt or cold. But not all doctors are like that. If you are lucky enough your doctor can be warm, personable, caring and kind. Dr. P, my surgeon, seems to be the latter type but Dr. K, my oncologist, feels like the former type. Dr. C, my family physician, is somewhere in between.

So what do you do after hearing the bad news? After hearing the horrific news, panic and fear sets in. I cried almost everyday for almost three weeks. Why me? What did I do to deserve this? All I can think of are my two young sons, ages 8 and 5. They are so young! I'm too young to die!!!! I'm terrified of chemo! What if I lose my hair? A million questions ran through my head. I couldn't believe I have it. After the denial, comes acceptance. I finally accepted I have this disease, tried my best to be positive and to be in good spirits and surrendered myself to God. I have my good and bad days. I've accepted that the cancer is one of the challenges in life. I just have to face it one way or the other, taking it one step at a time.

One way of coping with the big "C" is writing a journal. I have done that through this blog and it feels good to write about it. It's a way of releasing my thoughts about the whole thing. Another way to cope with the big "C" is to talk to other cancer patients or survivors. I found out that talking to breast cancer survivors is different. They were able to answer questions I had that my doctors couldn't. They know exactly what I'm going through, they care, show their support and encourage you.

A co-worker suggested that I go to a local cancer centre in our area. I did. I met Sandra, a peer counsellor at the centre. Mark came with me. Sandra is a breast cancer survivor. I told her my fears, doubts and how I feel about the whole cancer thing. I cried, laugh and felt relaxed while we had our session. Sandra told me what happened to her and understood what I'm going through. Sandra told me that having breast cancer is curable and it is the easiest cancer to have. She encouraged me to continue living my life the way I used to before I was diagnosed. Sandra told me to take everything one step at a time. It was such a positive experience, an eye-opener and I felt like a big weight was lifted off my shoulders.

Since then I've been in touch with other breast cancer patients introduced to me by family and friends. Talked to former co-workers who are breast cancer survivors.

Last week I went to my first breast cancer peer support group. I wasn't sure what to expect from the group but I'm glad I did go. I knew deep inside me that I need it especially that my chemo treatment is fast approaching.

Yikes! That is correct, my first chemo treatment is just around the corner. We'll know for sure on Monday when it will start. It could be right after meeting my oncologist, a day or two or the following week.

So what's next? Look for a wig. One friend at work was almost in tears when I told her what I'm doing this weekend. She treats me like a sister and she's just amazed how well I'm coping with it. I told her I didn't want any tears but this is something I have to face before my hair starts to fall.

I mentioned in another blog entry that my girlfriend and I went wig shopping last weekend. Well the ladies from the peer support group almost had a heart attack when I told them I went to regular wig shops at the malls. They told me I have to go to Truly You, a wig specialty shop in Mississauga. So I called the place and made an appointment Saturday afternoon. Well I'm glad I took their advice. It was a heck of a lot different from the regular mom and pop wig stores from the malls. Now I know why the ladies recommended this place to me. My girlfriend, Bles, agrees. The owner, Amalia, was a pro, specialized in wigs and working with cancer patients. She took her time explained to me what will happen and what they can do to help me during this difficult time. I tried on a few wigs. Short, long, mid-size and different styles of wigs. Light coloured hair doesn't suit me at all! ;) After going through a few styles we finally narrowed it down to three. I could not believe how similar these three "chosen" wigs are to my own hair. I cannot wait to see what the final products will be. Amalia will order the styles and the right colour. We'll see it in 15 days. I am excited!

So tomorrow is "the" day, our meeting with my oncologist. Chemo will start sooner or later. There is no backing out now.

This week I'll get a haircut, cut it short!!! Snip, snip and goodbye chin-length hair. It will grow back but losing hair with a shorter hairstyle won't be as traumatic if you have longer hair. And if everything else starts to fall Amalia will give me a G.I. Jane cut and buzz all my hair. :) They call it GI Jane based from Demi Moore's old movie. I just hope I'll look as beautiful as Demi when Amalia buzzes my hair. But I don't think so! ;)